


The peaks and troughs they hit us all

by Mimmi_ger



Series: Fools, Sinners, Liars [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Author is unsure what she was thinking, Azkaban, Betrayal, F/M, Female Harry Potter, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Advice, Rose Potter freeform, Teacher-Student Relationship, Will it ever get better?, but not sorry at all, who knows...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-08-24 23:18:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 63,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16649755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimmi_ger/pseuds/Mimmi_ger
Summary: Severus is in Azkaban and Rose everything but happy about it. But new developments distract her and send her on a new but confusing journey.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my dears, I´m back with the next part :)  
> I loved all the comments you left on the last part and hope you like the coming story as much. Thank you for your support, it means so much to me.  
> For this little baby here, it´s to say that it´s not finished yet, so I apologise already if updates take a little longer than usual. Apart from that I´m stuck in a minor writer´s block and am absolutely uncreative at the moment, not to mention that work is hell right now and I´m too tired to sit down and write when I´m back home and the children are in bed.
> 
> Title is borrowed like usual from Lauren Aquilina. This time the song is "Low".

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Severus was gone.

Rose stared at the offending piece of iron. Why had no one asked her? Why had they excluded Dumbledore? How could they really believe what they had said? Damn it, why was it worse to be with her than his time as Death Eater which, just by the way, Rose thought he was completely rehabilitated from. No one should hold that against him anymore not after four times as much time he´d already worked for Dumbledore. Severus was not the bad person they wanted him to be and he did definitely not deserve to be locked up in Azkaban for it. But even less for a relationship she had willingly agreed to. Even more, a relationship she had begged him to finally make real.

 _"No Wilbert, this is unacceptable and will definitely have consequences,"_ Dumbledore´s muffled shout sounded from behind the closed door of the antechamber shortly before it was torn open. Dumbledore stormed out of the room, closely followed by Minister Shacklebolt and Amelia Bones who both wore equally grim and determined expressions.

“Rose. Rose! What do you say to this sentence? Do you feel it does justice to the accusations? Do you feel relieved to be freed?”

Rose tore her gaze from Dumbledore and spun around. Even before she had thought about her actions, she had drawn her wand, pointing it at Skeeter´s chest.

“Relieved? You silly bitch! I´d be relieved if I could finally get rid of you!” Rose spat, quite literally, and took a step forward, narrowing her eyes at the other woman. “Who is that ominous source of yours who has such brilliant insight of our life?”

Skeeter´s predator smile widened but her eyes did too as Rose pressed the tip of her wand between Rita´s ribs. “You should be glad, we´re in public. I wouldn´t know what…”

“Rose.” Dumbledore stood suddenly at her side, pushing her wand arm away but regarded Skeeter with an icy look.

Rose exhaled forcefully but turned her head to the Headmaster, noticing the subtle shake of his head.

“Let´s go home,” Sirius said from her other side, taking her arm and guiding her towards the door, away from Skeeter and her scavenging colleagues. Remus followed and laid his hand between Rose´s shoulder blades, pushing as much as stabilizing her.

The way through the Ministry seemed endless and short at the same time. Remus and Sirius steered Rose swiftly outside, never breaking contact to her. Once out in the fresh air, Rose stopped and leant heavily against the closest wall. Immediately Remus was there, embracing her softly.

***

Back at Hogwarts, Rose´s steps became unsteadier the closer she and the men came to the portal and finally faltered completely as they entered the entrance hall.

“They are back!” someone shouted and ran into the Great Hall.

Rose looked up. It seemed the whole school was gathered and the Order had obviously joined the waiting crowd. The Weasley´s spilled into the entrance hall, closely followed by everyone else who was dear to Rose.

Molly hurried over and pulled Rose in a tight, motherly hug, patting her hair. “I´m so sorry, love. It is not right,” she murmured into Rose´s hair, still hugging her. Obviously the assembled crowd was already informed and had only waited for Dumbledore´s return, most likely for Rose´s too.

“Don´t,” Rose whispered and pulled out of Molly´s arms. She took a few steps back, stumbling, and then swirled around and hastened away. She had no real destination in mind only the need to get away from all those prying eyes. A few people called out for her, but she ignored everyone and kept going.

She first stopped when she tripped on a fake step. Her leg stuck up to her knee in the stairs. Frustrated she pulled and ranted lowly, but to no avail, she couldn’t free herself.

“Uh oh…isn´t that an unfortunate situation?” Peeves cackled and swooped down on Rose.

“If you´re not here to help me then get lost,” Rose snapped and pulled on her leg again.

“I don´t think I want to help someone so rude…” Peeves drawled and hovered upside down in front of Rose.

“Fine. Why don´t you just fuck off then?”

“And missing all the fun?” the poltergeist giggled.

Rose took a quivering breath to rein her temper and looked up, gazing directly in feisty, twinkling eyes.

“Peeves, please, can you help me out? I´m sorry for being rude. I had a really fucked up day and I don´t think it will get better any time soon.”

Peeves stopped circling Rose and looked rather serious. He inched closer until he was only about thirty centimetres from Rose apart and inclined his head.

“Because you asked so nicely, of course I´ll help you. NOT!” He shouted into her face and shrieked with laughter.

“Peeves–”

“Honestly, that isn´t very nice.”

Fred and George Weasley walked casually up to Rose. George helped her out while Fred voiced his disapproval of Peeves behaviour.

“So, the next time one of our friends needs help you do what?” Fred finished.

“I´ll help them,” Peeves said unfamiliar contrite and nodded seriously.

“Perfect. Now you can go and annoy Filch.” Fred clapped Peeves on the shoulder and sent him away.

“You´re all right?” George asked Rose.

“No. Thanks for the help, though.” Quickly she turned and climbed the last steps of the stairs.

“You shouldn´t run away. We´re all worried, you know?” Fred called after her.

Rose briefly glanced over her shoulder but didn´t stop.

***

The top of the Astronomy Tower was cold and draughty. Some time ago it had started to snow, however, it was more ice than real snow.

As Remus stepped on the observation platform he immediately spotted Rose folded into a tiny ball in the far corner.

“One day you´ll catch your death,” he said and crouched next to her. Cautiously he touched her face, noticing the barely dried traces of tears. “Oh darling.” Remus sat down next to Rose. He pulled her into his arms and Rose immediately buried into this embrace.

“He´s gone,” she sobbed brokenly, new tears spilling into Remus´ chest.

Remus kept quiet, only held her and stroked her back.

After ten minutes the wind picked up and changed direction, blowing the ice crystals directly onto Remus and Rose.

“Let´s get back inside.” Remus said and stood up, pulling Rose with him, but she didn’t follow. He gazed down at her, cupping her face softly. “Rose, please come with me. It´s too cold and too wet up here. You´ll get seriously ill.”

“So what?” Rose shrugged and slung her arms around herself, turning her head away from Remus.

“It won´t help Severus either.”

Rose´s head whipped around as she stared at Remus, but then her expression crumpled and she leant heavily against him.

Remus embraced her briefly before simply hoisting her into his arms and carrying her downstairs to his quarters.

“Is she all right?” Sirius asked, crossing the room.

“Cold, wet and stirred up, but apart from that yes. She´s all right.” Remus exchanged a look with Sirius who went and boiled water for tea while Remus brought Rose into the bathroom and told her to take off her wet clothes. A moment later, he came back with pyjama pants from himself and a thick pullover from Sirius, handing both to Rose.

“Maybe it would be best to take a hot bath, but I´ll leave that to you. Come over when you´re ready.”

He closed the door gently, leaving Rose alone.

For about five minutes she just sat there and stared at the clothes in her hands but then she undressed and quickly slipped into the dry clothes. Slowly and with shuffling steps she walked over into the living room.

“Rose, you´re still wet,” Sirius tutted gently and spelled her hair dry, giving her a scrutinizing look.

“Would you like a tea?” Remus pushed on of the three cups closer to Rose who stood there in front of the men in the much too big clothes and chewed on the nail of her left thumb while her other arm was wrapped closely around her body.

Sirius pursed his lips slightly and leant towards Rose, touching her hand. Rose didn´t move at all and Sirius let go and instead looked a little helpless at Remus who took the hint and stood up. He pulled Rose´s other hand from her mouth, stopping her from chewing her nail, and guided her to the sofa where he sat down and pulled her into his arms, like so many times before.

“How did you know I was on the tower?” Rose asked into the thickening silence.

“Sirius stormed your common room and had Hermione look for the map,” Remus explained and smiled at Sirius who looked a little proud because he´d had this idea.

Rose hummed noncommittally but otherwise kept silent. She closed her eyes and listened to Remus´ heartbeat and then after a while to his conversation with Sirius. 

***

Rose woke up as Remus tried to move without disturbing her and groaned. She opened her eyes and noticed surprised that it was day again.

“Sorry,” Remus said lowly and groaned more. He stood up and stretched, pressing his hands into his back.

“No, I´m sorry.” Rose watched him turn his head and roll his shoulders.

“I´m fine, just a little stiff.” He nodded to emphasize his words and then peered into the cups on the table, emptying the one which had been for Rose and was still untouched. “Breakfast starts soon, you should dress and then go and fetch your stuff.”

Rose pursed her lips, sucked one corner of her mouth between her teeth and nibbled at it.

“What?” Remus asked.

“I don´t want to see anyone and repeat everything again and again.”

“Then take a day off,” Sirius said, stepping out of the bathroom. He was already dressed but obviously freshly showered with his hair still damp. “But only today. Tomorrow you´re back in class,” he added, raising his eyebrows.

Rose smiled, a crooked little thing, and nodded relieved. “Ok.”


	2. Chapter 2

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Rose spent her day hidden in the Room of Requirement. Most of the time, she stared into the fire, surrendering completely to her melancholy. Her self-induced loneliness and brooding was only interrupted by the occasional arrival of Dobby who brought her food and loads of tea, but left her otherwise thankfully alone and untypically for him even without trying to engage her in any conversation.

Every now and then, Rose woke from sleep she had no memory of falling into in the first place only to decide that she needed more time away from everyone in this castle. Late in the evening, she briefly considered to return to Remus but never did anything like that because she fell asleep again. It was no deep sleep and she woke up several times, but she stayed where she was, curled up on the armchair, watching the flickering flames with no whatsoever small desire to move.

“Miss Rose?” Dobby asked cautiously and startled Rose again out of uneasy dreams. “Everyone is upset because you are not there. Miss Rose´s friends are looking for you.”

Rose sat up, rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”

“Nine thirty, breakfast is over and classes have started already.” Dobby looked troubled up. “Dobby hasn´t told anyone where Miss Rose is, but if someone asks Dobby directly, Dobby has to tell them. Especially if Professor Dumbledore asks Dobby.”

“Yeah, it´s ok, Dobby. I knew they´d be looking for me sooner or later. I´ll go and tell them I´m all right.”

“But is Miss Rose all right? You look so sad and tired,” the elf said concerned.

Rose shook her head. “I don´t know. I feel…I don´t know. Everything´s so messed up. Thanks for your concern, though, and don´t worry.”

***

Even though she had told Dobby she would go and give a life sign, she did nothing like that but went straight down to the dungeons.

Entering Severus´ quarters was both calming familiar and devastatingly hurtful. Everything in those rooms was Severus and though he wasn´t there, it still seemed he would come back any minute with the fire still flickering merrily and one of his books opened and turned around on the armrest of his favourite armchair quite as if he was only gone for a few minutes, maybe to look after one of his experiments.

She stood for some time just in the room, unsure what to do next until her gaze fell again on the book over the armrest. She walked over and picked it up. It was a novel about a vampire who struggled with his ongoing existence and the loneliness of it and started a journey to find the reason for his being and found in the end his true love.

Rose snorted. It seemed very unlikely that Severus had enjoyed such a romantic book. Usually he was more into heavy potions treatises or history.

Though, with her interest peaked, she gave the book a try and noticed quickly that it was not exactly a love story but more a deeply philosophical topic of finding peace in yourself. However, that didn´t lessen her interest and even before she had acknowledged how much time had ticked away, she had read through most of the book. Her eyes burned and she closed them for some time. Blinking them open again, she peered at the clock above the mantelpiece. Half past six, dinner was already served. Rose pursed her lips. Common sense told her she should really go and show that she was all right and then go and apologise to Sirius for staying away from classes for an additional day.

She stood up but then walked straight over to Severus´ bedroom, stopping in the doorway. She glanced inside.

Everything was as they had left it two days ago. The bed was still unmade and the sheets crumpled. The air was slightly stale and smelled faintly of their last night together.

A sob tickled at the back of her throat and Rose swallowed heavily to get rid of the sensation. Her gaze fell on the chair across the room. Severus had dressed in a new set of clothes that morning and the worn garments were still draped over the chair. Rose grasped the clothes and buried her face in the fabric. Following a sudden impulse she undressed and slid into the shirt.

She looked into the mirror and couldn´t help but laugh. She looked ridiculous with the sleeves falling over her hands and the hem covering half of her thighs. But apart from that it felt good. The fabric was soft and smelled like Severus. Regarding herself further in the mirror, Rose bent finally and fished her wand out of her pocket. She had no idea if it would work but she would try anyway.

“Contraho,” she said and pointed at the shirt, hoping she wouldn´t shrink herself or some parts of herself.

But obviously it worked. The shirt shrunk down. Rose repeated the spell one more time then the shirt fitted perfectly.

Ten minutes later, Rose turned in front of the mirror, watching herself attentively. It looked strange to wear Severus´ clothes and all of them together were unexpected heavy.

Rose closed her eyes and stroked over her stomach, feeling the familiar fabric under her fingers. Remus´ voice, coming from the door, startled her and caused her to turn quickly around.

“It makes you too pale and even smaller than you are.” Remus looked serious, his brow was creased. “We were looking for you. We thought you´d leave your hiding place on your own.

“I´m sorry…I couldn´t…Are you angry?”

“No. I was worried, as are Sirius and your friends.”

Rose inhaled shakily and tried an apologetic smile but failed and ended in the sob she had held back earlier.

“What am I to do?” This was so frigging unfair. After everything she and Severus had gone through the last weeks, they´d really deserved some peace. Rose scrunched her face up, her eyes burned with tears which refused to come, but then her gaze fell on the goblet in Remus´ hands. Her eyes snapped up to his as she suddenly realised what it meant for Remus.

Quickly Rose crossed the room and slung her arms around him.

“He never brewed a complete supply for the whole week but made it fresh every day. He said the effect would be better…” he sighed.

“It isn´t fair. Nothing of this is fair!”

“No. It isn´t. But you will cope as good as I will. Albus won´t leave anything undone. We have to be faithful. And for the time being I return to the Shrieking Shack once a month. I transformed all my life without the potion. A few more years won´t kill me either,” he said with a humourless huffed laugh.                                                                                                                                                                                   

Rose couldn´t respond to that. She only tightened her arms around Remus and pressed her face into the slightly scratchy fabric of his cardigan.

“Now come, darling, let´s go,” Remus said after a moment. He smiled down at her, but Rose chewed on her bottom lip, looking hesitantly.

“I…No, I think, I´d like to stay here a little longer.”

Remus regarded her for the time of two or three heartbeats with a pensive look but nodded in the end. “You know where to find me or Sirius. Just come over if you don’t want to be alone anymore or don´t feel like enduring the company of your classmates.”

Softly he stroked with his thumb over her cheek, his fingertips resting at her jaw. Rose turned lightly into his touch, closing her eyes for a brief moment. Even after all those weeks, she had still no idea how Remus made that, how he always knew what to do to make her feel better, even if it was sometimes only slightly.

“Thank you, Remus. I wouldn´t know what I´d do without you.” She stretched up, standing on her toes, and kissed his cheek. Remus´ hand slid from her face to stroke over her neck but slid then further down to her shoulder. Rose cocked her head, a small smile playing on her lips.

Remus swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbed obviously, and then he cleared his throat.

“Please go back to your classes tomorrow,” he said, his brow furrowed ever so lightly. He gave her a short nod and left then rather quickly.

Rose looked after him. Strange how she couldn´t even imagine anymore not to go to him with her problems. Every time she was with him she felt a lot calmer, his presence alone seemed to take the worst brunt from everything. Even now she felt better.

Frowning now too, she walked slowly into the kitchen, made tea and then curled up in Severus´ armchair, resuming her reading.

***

The hands of the clock had already ticked past ten as Rose closed the book and stood up. Stretching her tense muscles, she looked bewildered down and only then remembered why she wore such strange clothes. However, now she didn´t feel comfortable anymore and in her haste to get rid of Severus´ clothes, she spilled buttons over the floor which rolled and jumped away and landed under furniture or cracks in the stone tiles.

Naked except of her underwear Rose paused. She looked down at the strewn clothes and ruefully went to fetch her wand, restoring them to their former state with all the buttons on their rightful place and the clothes by itself back in their usual size. She put them then into the laundry bag in the bathroom and only kept the cravat. The material was soft and flowing like a breeze on her skin. And, even more important, it smelled like Severus.

Rose sighed and gazed into the mirror. She looked exhausted and pale. She blew one strand of hair out of her face, repeating that a few times because it fell back in its place every time. This damned fringe had grown long again. Growling frustrated, Rose opened the cupboard next to the sink. The scissor gleamed and twinkled in the light of the bathroom and without second thought she simply cut the offending strand of hair.

Rose stared down at the sink and swallowed, then looked in the mirror and took the next lock, cutting it. Why ever, it felt good and seeing her hair fall down into the sink was oddly satisfying. Once started she couldn´t stop anymore, at least not when she didn´t plan to look ridiculous, so she cut more hair. Strand after strand fell into the sink, let the heap grow rapidly. Soon her once elbow long hair was reduced to a little more than ear length, grazing her jaw only barely. Rose drew a breath and exhaled in a puff. It looked…unfamiliar and well, a little bit as if an animal had chewed her hair off.

“Eh…Dobby?” she asked hesitantly into the silence. Only two seconds later a loud plopping sound announced the elf´s arrival.

“Miss Rose?” Dobby squeaked.

“Can you cut hair? I need someone who turns my mess into something decent.” She smiled sheepishly.

Dobby´s face split into a toothy grin. “Of course Dobby can cut hair. Sit down, Miss Rose. Dobby will only need a little help.” He pointed at the floor and took the scissors from Rose. After a second another plop indicated the arrival of a second house-elf. “Minky will help Dobby if Miss Rose agrees,” Dobby said and waited.

Rose gazed at the tiny house-elf, the one who had surprised Rose and Severus in the potions storage room. Rose blushed but nodded.

For the next twenty minutes the elves chopped and snipped here and there, turned Rose´s head to the left, then to the right and tilted it backwards. In the end Dobby stood in front of her, inclining his head. He looked sceptical.

“Dobby don´t know. Maybe Miss Rose likes to have a look?” he asked and watched Rose stand up and look into the mirror.

“Dobby!” Rose gasped. Dobby cowered, obviously ready to apologise, but Rose bent down and embraced him. “It´s fantastic.”

Dobby blushed a little but grinned due to the praise.

Rose embraced Minky too, more careful as she seemed a little fragile.

Rose stood up again, turning and twisting in front of the mirror. The elves hadn´t cut a lot more, but with the edges neatly trimmed and the neck a little shorter than the rest it looked indeed like a real hair style and not like an accident. But the biggest different was her fringe, formerly short and falling into her eyes, it was now magically grown so it fell over her cheek and could be tugged behind her ear. Rose smiled. She liked her new look even though she had to acknowledge that shorter hair tended to look even messier than her long hair.

Considering her looks a bit more, she gazed at her glasses. She could try to reshape them, that shouldn´t be too difficult, right?

“Does Miss Rose need something else?” Dobby interrupted her considerations.

She didn´t and waved Dobby after another hug and her thanks good bye. As soon as the elves were gone, Rose plucked her glasses off her face and tried to bring them into another shape, however, she was not very successful. After ten minutes of try and error, the glasses were deformed and wouldn´t fit at all anymore.

“Blasted shit,” she muttered but before destroying the glasses completely, she took them and hurried, half blind, through the castle. With more energy than she thought she´d possible still possess, she stormed into Remus´ and Sirius´ quarters.

“Sirius?” she asked and squinted at the blurry mass on the sofa. “Can you help me? I tried to reshape my glasses but…yeah…” She held them up and waited.

Sirius and Remus came into focus as they approached her, both staring with open mouths and widened eyes at her.

“Rose?” Remus croaked finally, sizing her up.

“Oh, do you like it?” Rose grinned and turned once around herself.

“It is…bold,” Sirius said and the surprise shifted into a grin. “Though I guess you mean your hair…” He touched the much shorter locks with tentative fingertips.

“What else?” Rose frowned and then something clicked. Slowly she lowered her gaze. A nervous chuckle bubbled through her whole body as she saw her underwear and nothing else. Quite perfect. Had anyone seen her? Not that it would damage her reputation any further, though. No one believed her anymore to be sane.

“Here.” Remus pulled his cardigan over his head and gave it to Rose who donned it quickly and only then looked back up, smiling sheepishly.

“I was a little distracted,” she mumbled as an explanation.

Sirius shook his head, still grinning, but took the half destroyed glasses from Rose and muttered something under his breath. “Heavens, what had you in mind? An octagon?”

“Uh, more something rectangular?”

“Ah…” Sirius shook his head again and spelled the glasses into a rectangle, frowning at the result. “We should buy you knew ones as soon as possible. I´m not sure they won´t lose their integrity.”

“Yes? Can we do that? Can we go shopping?” Rose asked with a hopeful smile.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look.

“Of course we can,” Remus said and finally his expression stopped looking forced and melted into a broad, honest smile. He examined the new hairstyle thoroughly and finally chuckled. “Stay here tonight, we wouldn´t want you to have any more crazy ideas.”

“Nah, I think I´ll go and get my ticking-off. Thank you, though. I´ll see you.” With that Rose turned and once again hastened through the castle.

The common room was almost empty, what was good, because of course Rose had once again forgotten that she was not really dressed. But so only Hermione and, surprisingly, Neville saw her stumble through the portrait hole in nothing more than Remus´ cardigan.

“Uhm…” Neville choked and blushed.

“By Merlin´s beard, Rose! Do you have any idea how worried we´ve been?” Hermione shouted but stormed over and embraced Rose fiercely. “And what happened to your hair?”

“I cut it. Dobby helped. And for the rest, I´m sorry, ok? But I needed some time for myself and try to think things over…Can we just forget it?” Rose pushed Hermione away, gazing at her.

“Well…certainly, but maybe you should talk about it and not…”

“Yeah, but not today anymore,” Rose quickly cut her off. “And I´m tired. My last night was awful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contraho - I tighten


	3. Chapter 3

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Like so often over the last weeks, Rose didn´t sleep well. She woke up several times and turned round and round what felt like already for the whole night.

Finally she gave up. She donned her dressing gown and left a brief note for Hermione before making her way through the nightly castle.

In front of Remus´ door, however, she was unsure. It was in the middle of the night, after all. No matter that Remus had told her to come at any time and even had given her the password, Sirius nodding along in the background.

The question was now, should she knock anyway or just go inside? She would wake them most likely anyway as soon as she crossed the wards. Making up her mind, Rose knocked but didn´t wait for an answer and walked into the dark office. As she stepped into the living room, a rumpled looking Remus emerged from the bedroom, shortly followed from Sirius.

“Sorry…I couldn´t sleep,” Rose mumbled and chewed on her bottom lip.

“Apparently." Remus smirked then frowned. "Uh, do you want to take the sofa again or could we for once have a comfortable night?” He glanced past Sirius into their bedroom.

Rose shifted. It was embarrassing on so many levels that she couldn´t help but blush. Not able to meet either man´s eyes, she shrugged. If she was completely honest with herself, it would be nice to lie properly down, but sharing a bed with Remus and Sirius…That seemed a bit too much. The sofa had been somehow safe, not awkward.

“It´s too late to discuss this endlessly. Come. I need my beauty sleep,” Sirius said with a gruff snort but took Rose´s elbow gently and pulled her into the bedroom.

Settling into bed until everyone had found a position which was comfortable enough to stay in took some time and Rose still felt embarrassed. Her cheeks glowed hot and red and even more so as Sirius muttered something about stupid limbs and then simply tugged Rose into his arms, cuddling close behind her. It was the first time she was so close to Sirius and she´d always assumed he was not much of a cuddly person, though it seemed she was mistaken here, very mistaken given that he sighed contentedly while pressing his very warm and very naked chest against her back.

“Don´t fight him, he´ll only snuggle closer,” Remus said and grinned at Rose. He rested his hand close to her face, fingers curling lightly against her skin. “He´s like an octopus.”

“Don´t mistake me with yourself,” Sirius mumbled into Rose´s neck, already half asleep again.

“Don´t listen to him.” Remus winked and then yawned. He blinked a few more times lazily, his eyes staying closed longer each time. He blinked once surprised as Rose interlaced her fingers with his, leaning her face against their joined hands, but then his eyes closed and he was asleep.

Slowly Rose relaxed into the warmth of the two men and closed her eyes too.

***

Greyish light filtered into the room as Rose woke up. She felt groggy and a little too warm to be comfortable and apart from that she was sandwiched by two men and had not much opportunity to move.

She licked her lips and opened her eyes completely, examining her situation.

Heavens, Lavender would have a field day could she see Rose right now.

At the moment she lay in Remus´ arm with one of her arms over his stomach. Her second arm felt a little numb from lying on it, presumably she did so for some time now. At her back she felt Sirius. He breathed hotly between her shoulder blades and had one arm draped around her waist.

It was undeniable intimate. Too intimate. And the longer she lay awake the more awkward the whole situation became. Cautiously Rose lifted her head and tried to read the time, but without glasses that was hardly possible.

“Go back to sleep,” Sirius grunted into her back and tightened his arm around Rose who was sure that Sirius hadn't yet realised that it was her in his arms.

Rose sank back down, only shifting cautiously until she could settle on her back and then lay completely still again and even held her breath, hoping one of the men might shift and she could sneak away. But of course exactly the opposite happened. Really, how could it be different? At first Remus turned. He scurried closer, so close he was almost completely pressed up against Rose´s side who now dared to move even less than before. Remus nuzzled into her hair and Rose felt him kiss her temple. That was familiar and helped relax her. Remus kissed her again, now on the cheek, mumbling something incoherent. Maybe Rose would´ve been able to doze off again wouldn´t it have been for Sirius who moved now too, his hand sliding softly from her ribs down over her stomach and further down still. He shifted closer and Rose, anyway not entirely at ease, froze as she felt something hard rub against her thigh. A something she was not prone of analysing too much.

Rose wished she could simply vanish. A snap of her fingers and she´d be somewhere else entirely and not here with her godfather and his…Rose squeezed her eyes shut. Sirius had reached her underwear. Rose´s heart stuttered as Sirius stroked over the fabric, but then the hand disappeared with a gasp. Rose opened her eyes just to find Sirius staring at her with wide eyes before he jumped out of the bed and sprinted into the bathroom.

“What was that?” Remus rasped sleepily and blinked at Rose.

Rose´s face glowed in a dark red and she pulled the blanket over her head.

As Remus got no answer and Rose refused to come out, he stood up.

Rose felt the mattress shift as he did so and peeked out from under the blanket, seeing Remus disappear into the bathroom as well. As soon as the coast was clear, she hurried to get dressed but only managed to sneak out of the bedroom as Remus stood behind her.

“Rose, don´t run away.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, very funny,” she snapped and glared at Remus who only laughed harder.

Behind Remus, Sirius gazed out of the bathroom. He seemed as uneasy with the situation as Rose was.

“I´m sorry, Rosie. Honestly, I wasn´t entirely awake.” He shuffled past Remus, approaching Rose. “Well, maybe next time Remus sleeps in the middle.” He quirked one eyebrow, a grin started to spread over his face, but Rose shook her head.

“No. I´m sorry. I never should´ve…It won´t happen again,” she mumbled.

“Nonsense,” Remus snipped, causing both Sirius and Rose to look at him in surprise. “You better come here when you can´t sleep than roam the castle or do something stupid.” His voice was not severe but held a certain part of demand.

Rose looked at Sirius. He frowned at first but then nodded, though hesitantly, while Remus smiled and hugged her warmly.

“Though, do you think you could come earlier the next time?” Remus asked lightly, covering another yawn with the back of one hand.

***

Rose sniffed with closed eyes at her tea and sighed. The hot beverage already unfolded its stimulating effect. First thing for Rose after joining her friends had been to explain where she´d been the last days and then the last night. After finishing her curt report, her friends had been nowhere near surprised to hear where Rose had spent her night, it happened too regular by now to surprise anyone.

However, Hermione regarded Rose with thoughtful glances as she´d told them how Sirius had dragged her into his and Remus´ bed.

After her second cup of tea, Rose felt more like a human being again and for the first time today she was able to open her eyes completely.

“Will you ever again stay in your own bed?” Hermione asked almost casually. Lavender leant closer, raising her eyebrows questioningly at Rose.

Rose looked up from a bowl of fruit salad, shrugging. “I don´t know. I mean…” she trailed off and stared for some time down at the table. “Why is it such a big deal?” She looked at her friends, frowning.

“We´re just worried.” Draco pulled on her arm until she tipped over and he could hug her, but Rose pushed him away, her frown deepening.

“You can stop worrying. The last days have been a little rough, but I´m not going to break down over this and I won´t shrug it off and accept it just like that either. I´ll go and fight and show the damned Wizengamot and their top secret source what I think about their stinking decision to lock an innocent man up just because they feel like it.” Rose´s voice had gotten louder over the course of her little rant and several students looked over as well as some teachers, the most attentive of all was Dumbledore who rose slowly and then walked over to her.

“Rose, can I talk to you, please?” He smiled at the other students around them as he waited for Rose to stand up.

Almost sullenly she followed him out of the Great Hall, but the Headmaster led her not to his office as usual but stopped at the first empty classroom they came about.

"Rose, dear, I know you're upset, what is understandable. Rest assured I am not pleased either. However, we both know your abundant temper and I have to ask you to lay low in this matter and let me do what I can to sort things out and bring Severus, hopefully very soon, back home." Dumbledore gave Rose a long look and raised one eyebrow as she remained silent. “Rose?”

“Yeah. Of course. If you think I should stay out of it I´ll do that. I don´t want to make it worse.” She nodded, then, “Headmaster? What about Skeeter or the other reporters? There was no article yet but they´ll certainly write something nasty.”

“Don´t worry about the press. Our Minister sees personally to it. The Prophet has the strict order to publish only what Kingsley has read beforehand. The same applies to the smaller newspapers as well.” Dumbledore smiled reassuringly and already turned to the door to end their little chat, but Rose was not finished yet.

“Why was the sentence so high? I mean they summoned him before for a hearing and he said it was ok. No one spoke about convicting him to three decades of Azkaban, but now suddenly he´s such a bad person that it is justified?” Rose´s voice rose in disbelieve.

“The Wizengamot follows recently a zero tolerance policy regarding Death Eaters or more specifically Dark Magic in general. They hope to prevent the next Dark Lord from rising. Between us, you won´t prevent anything with harder punishment. If you have someone with those tendencies, a leader, you always have followers. Sadly that´s the truth.” Dumbledore inclined his head almost apologetically, adding, “The sentence though was generous. The usual sentence for any kind of connection to Voldemort is fifty years minimum, but for known, active followers it is always lifelong imprisonment.”

Rose gritted her teeth. How could he say that so casually? “Yeah, but so they just found an excuse to stretch the time.”

“Yes, that is indeed what they did and that is also why they haven´t heard witnesses. The new Chief Warlock could never have justified such a high sentence had they heard your testimony or mine. I can only repeat myself, I won´t rest until I have rectified this wrong.”

Rose gazed at Dumbledore and his determined expression. He radiated so much will power that it was hardly imaginable that he could lose this battle and somehow it made Rose´s heart so much lighter. When Dumbledore worked on Severus´ case nothing could go wrong. She smiled.

“Thank you, Headmaster.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m still around just in case you´re wondering.   
> I won´t abandon this story, even though my uploads get a little sparse for some time. I hope it´ll get better when I have some free time around Christmas and New Year.

<<>><<>>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Rose woke in the middle of the night. Again.

She stretched her arms to both sides. Her fingers slid over the cool fabric of the sheets. Slowly she opened her eyes and gazed at the ceiling. It was unusual bright in the room, even with the full moon glowing softly. Turning her face to the window, she frowned. Snow in early December?

Rose sat up and pushed her new, very fashionable glasses - Sirius term not hers - into her face. It was still strange to have no round glasses anymore but rectangular ones with a thick, black, slightly nerdy frame. It was no complaint, she liked the new glasses a lot, and she found they looked great with her new hairstyle.

Now able to, she peered once around the dormitory.  All curtains were closed and from behind one, soft snoring sounds wafted towards her.

Quietly Rose stood up. The floor was cold under her naked feet but she didn´t bother with shoes and padded over to the window. Big, heavy snow flakes sailed towards the earth and given the thickness of the already closed snow cover it snowed already for some hours.

Rose gazed back over her shoulder, squinting her eyes a little to read the time. Almost three. Wow that made a total of four hours of sleep in her own bed and without standing up and going to Sirius and Remus.

The snow twinkled in the moonlight. It looked peaceful and so calm. Briefly Rose thought about how cosy it would be to curl up on the window sill with a thick blanket and a cup of tea, watching the world disappear slowly under the white covers. But then she thought about the icy winds in Azkaban. If Severus had a blanket to stay warm? Even though a blanket wouldn´t help against the soul sucking bastards standing guard on this bloody rock the wizarding world called a prison. She could go and ask Sirius, he would know. But Sirius surely had no mind to talk about Azkaban right now, not with Remus transforming tonight.

Rose´s gaze wandered over the snowy grounds until it stopped at the Whomping Willow. Remus had said the first transformation without the Wolfsbane Potion, after taking it for some time, was harder than usual because the wolf had been supressed for so long. That was the reason why he didn´t trust himself to let Sirius stay with him.

A heavy weight dropped in her guts. The three most important people in her live were all alone and miserable tonight and one of them not only tonight.

Rose closed her eyes and leant her forehead against the cold window. The frost bit into her skin, but she stayed until the feeling numbed and slowly became irrelevant.

She felt miserable too.

Turning her back on the window, Rose crouched down and lifted her mattress, retrieving a messily crinkled piece of clothes and an old parchment. She looked at both lovingly before activating the map. For a brief moment she considered to go to Draco, but the map showed him in close proximity to Ron and really she wouldn´t want to disturb there.

The small dot labelled with Sirius Black walked circles in his and Remus´ quarters, pausing every now and then only to start walking all over again. Rose sighed. At least one of the men she loved, she could be with. She dressed quickly into pyjama pants, shoes and Remus´ cardigan which she´d simply kept and had now stashed under her pillow together with Severus´ shirt. Dressed, she deleted the map and slipped quietly out of the dormitory.

***

Sirius seemed not even surprised as she uncovered herself in front of him. Wordless he stopped his pacing and instead closed the small distance to Rose and embraced her.

“I can´t stop thinking about him and if he´s all right,” he mumbled into her hair.

“How long until the moon sets?” Rose peered up.

Sirius looked at the clock, thinking. “About four hours, roughly.”

Rose nodded. “Had you any sleep tonight?”

Sirius grunted something unintelligible which Rose took as a no.

“Let´s sit for a while. I´m worried for the carpet. It looks a little thin already.” Rose tried to hide her grin with pressing her lips together.

Sirius chuckled lowly. He sat heavily down on the sofa, patting the place next to him. Rose didn´t hesitate to sit down but paused a second before snuggling into Sirius´ side. However, after five minutes she felt her neck grow tense and shifted but couldn´t find any comfortable position. In the end she sat up and draped her legs over Sirius´ lap. She leant her head against the backrest of the sofa, gazing at her godfather. He looked back, eyelids obviously heavy. Rose smiled and stroked through his black locks.

Sirius lifted lazily one eyebrow, but Rose continued to stroke through his hair, massaging lightly his scalp until his eyes drifted completely close. Only a few moments later Sirius was fast asleep, snoring softly.

Rose scooted a little closer. She leant forward and kissed his cheek before resting her head against his outstretched arm and closed her eyes. She opened them again to a loud grunted snore of Sirius, causing her almost to jump out of her skin. Only slowly her heart rate normalised. In this time she straightened her glasses and gazed at the clock. Well, at least two more hours of sleep and only about two hours until the moon would set.

Rose glanced at Sirius who still was in deep sleep and cautiously extracted herself from him. Standing, she rolled her shoulders and stretched her neck, her gaze drifted out of the window over the snow, blanketing the whole outerworld.

With nothing more to do than to wait, Rose slipped into her shoes and walked through the early morning. The castle was not yet awake and held an eerie silence. Not long and twilight would fill the silent corridors and only a little later they wouldn´t be silent at all when everyone trooped down for breakfast, idly chatting and most likely happy about the snow and the prospect to spend this Sunday outside, running and laughing and engaged in snowball fights. With one hundred percent surety her friends would come and ask her to join them outside too and delay their appointed homework-meeting. Maybe she would go with them. Maybe it would distract her from waiting for news from Dumbledore. Maybe she wouldn´t go and stay instead with Sirius and Remus, snuggled under a warm blanket and drink tea. Actually, when considering the options, sofa, blanket and tea sounded like the most preferable option. 

Still in thoughts, Rose reached the heavy oak portal and pulled it open. A gush of crisp but heavenly clear air made her shiver. She wrapped Remus' thick, but for her much too big cardigan, tighter around herself, but she didn´t stop and walked outside and over the grounds. Snow slipped into her shoes and reminded her that she didn´t wear socks.

“Idiot, Rose. One time you might learn to think first,” she muttered under her breath but still trudged on until she reached the Whomping Willow. Again that was something she hadn´t thought to its end. Moon set would be in over an hour, Remus needed a bit time to recover and dress and so on before he came out. So what was she to do in the mean time? Rose sighed, exasperated about her own rashness. A stiff breeze let snow tumble down from the trees and the damned magical willow seemed to dislike both wind and snow and shook her branches like an animal, covering Rose in snow.

“No socks, no jacket…you´re a genius, really.” With a huff, Rose swiped snow from her chest and shoulders and looked around. There was really a lot of snow and it still hadn´t stopped snowing even though the snowflakes were smaller than before. The only halfway decent idea to pass time was to build a snowman. Snorting to herself, she did exactly that but only after a few more seconds of standing in the cold wind.

Over an hour later, Rose was frozen, wet and tired but had built a whole snowman family with two dogs, even though – to be fair – the dogs looked more like an odd mix between niffler and toad.

One time, while immersed in her creativity, she hadn´t watched out and had come too close to the willow, immediately paying the prize as the tree flicked one twig in her direction and hit her square in the face. Her cheek still hurt and throbbed slightly.  She touched it carefully but then shivered. It would be probably best to go inside and change into dry clothes, drink something warm or even better soak for some time in the bath, but then again, she´d already waited for so long a few minutes more wouldn´t kill her. Hopefully. And Remus couldn´t need much more time.

After some poking through the still dry leaves at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, Rose found a nice leave, enlarged it and sat down with view on the entrance to the Whomping Willow. The wind picked up again and Rose rolled up on the leave, making herself as small as possible while her eyes where still trained on the hole between the roots of the tree.

***

“Rose!” Someone shook her roughly.

It was difficult to open her eyes, she felt so endlessly tired and when had she closed them, anyway? As she finally managed to blink her eyes open, she saw Remus with a frantic, panicked expression, kneeling in the snow next to her.

“Hey,” she said and cleared her throat. She smiled.

“Goddamn it, are you suicidal?” Remus snapped.

Rose sat up, feeling stiff, and gazed uncomprehendingly at Remus.

“You could have freeze to death!” he shouted, but the fervour behind his words was only short-lived. Wearily he eyed the angry reddened welt across her face and finally stood up, dragging Rose with him to pull her into his arms.

“I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to fall asleep. I waited for you because you said you´d have a rough night and…”

“Yes, yes. Shush. It´s ok,” Remus silenced her stammering and brought them even closer together. He wrapped his cloak around her, enveloping her equally with the heavy wool and his body heat.

Rose embraced him too and snuggled close, her face buried in the fabric of his shirt, even though Remus was so warm it was almost uncomfortable. Under her cheek, she felt his heartbeat, quick and fluttering.

“Are you ok?” she asked and peered up.

Remus opened his eyes. Rose felt him trembling softly. He swayed like a leave in a breeze, but he smiled.

“I am now,” he whispered and then closed his eyes again, leaning heavily into their embrace.

Rose felt suddenly a twinge of shame. Remus looked tired and worn-out and should definitely go to bed and not worry about her and her stupidity. She stroked over his back but stopped as he tensed, her gaze shot up again.

“Just new scratches,” Remus said and brought one hand up to cradle Rose´s head, pushing her gently back against his chest.

It was Sirius who found them like this and who ranted all the way to the private quarters about Rose and her silly ideas and Remus´ bloody stubbornness for having not wanted anyone with him overnight. As they reached the bedroom, Sirius stopped his tirade. He examined and treated Remus´ wounds and then tucked him and Rose into the bed, pulling the blanket right up to their nose and told them they shouldn´t even think about standing up before he gave the ok. He sat then with a heavy sigh in a chair next to the bed and watched them until both were asleep.

***

“You need a haircut too,” Rose said with glinting eyes during their late breakfast around lunch time, peering first to Remus then to Sirius. Both men´s attention snapped to Rose who suddenly held a pair of scissors in her hands. “Nothing wildly dramatic, only a little trim.”

“No.” Sirius jumped up and changed into the black dog, running into the far corner of the room, baring his teeth.

“Coward,” Rose chuckled and turned to Remus who looked equally all but happy. “Oh come on. I won´t shave you bald.”

“I damn well hope so,” Remus grumbled but leant back in his chair, nodding at Rose to start.

A broad smile brightened her face and she draped a towel around Remus´ shoulders before chopping happily along. Sirius came briefly closer, sniffing at Rose and then yipped what sounded suspiciously as if he´d laugh about Remus.

“Don´t be too gleeful, I´ll catch you, don´t you worry,” Rose promised, grinning, and then conjured a mirror which she thrust into Remus´ hands.

“Oh Merlin,” he gasped and turned his head from right to left, his eyebrows furrowing into an insecure frown. “That´s…short…”

Rose came around the chair and grinned. “Yeah, but long enough to make it shaggy,” she said and ruffled through his hair, messing it up. “You only need to keep those stubbles. Looks rakish.” Rose laughed and stroked over Remus´ growing beard, her fingers dancing over his jaw. They looked at each other. Rose smiled softly, but Remus looked somehow odd. Rose would´ve said frightened if it wouldn´t be plainly stupid to think that. She inclined her head questioningly, but then, all of a sudden, Remus jumped up, breaking the moment.

“You can try your luck with Sirius, I´ll make tea,” he sputtered and disappeared into the kitchen.

Rose looked after him but turned as Sirius transformed back into his human self. He gazed after Remus too, eyes narrowed.

“Will you stay human?” Rose asked.

Sirius pursed his lips. He eyed first Rose then the scissors. “I´ll hex you if you cut them as short as Remus´.”

“No worries, that wouldn´t look good at you.”

Rose was almost finished with Sirius´ hair as Remus finally joined them again.

“And the tea?” Sirius asked, frowning again.

“Tea?” Remus looked quite as if Sirius´ had spoken a foreign language.

“You wanted to make some after Rose was finished with your hair.”

“Maybe you can make it instead. I'm done,” Rose announced and came around to examine her work. She nodded approvingly.

Sirius raked his hands through his now chin-long hair and sighed. “That´s quite short…”

“Ah, hogwash. Besides it´s growing back if I let it.” She smiled from one man to the other, asking, “What about tea now?”

Still muttering, Sirius went to boil the water.

“Hey,” Rose said softly and looked at Remus who still looked slightly uncomfortable and absent-minded. Gently she touched his hand.

Remus flinched and turned to the window, all of a sudden captivated by the snowflakes melting on the glass.

“Remus?” Rose came to stand next to him, though careful not to touch him again. “Have I done anything?”

“What? No. No. You haven´t…it´s…No.” Remus gazed at her, burying his hands in the pockets of his cardigan.

Rose shifted uneasy from one foot to the other, unsure what to say. Somehow it seemed for the first time in months that she couldn´t find anything to say to Remus. She felt as if a rift was opening between them and she had no idea why.

“I´m sorry,” Remus said finally quietly and stepped forward, closing the distance and wrapped his arms around Rose.

“For what?” Rose asked and nestled against Remus´ warm chest, feeling already at ease again.

“Everything.” Remus held her close, making it impossible for Rose to look up and see his face without breaking contact.

A rather harsh knock interrupted their moment.

“Damn it Rose! You never are on time the last days,” Draco muttered and walked briskly into the living room, followed by Ron, Hermione and Lavender. “And you´re not even dressed yet.”

Rose stepped out of Remus´ arms and looked down. She still wore what she had put on the last night and until now she hadn´t thought about it or dressing in general.

“Uh, Professors, nice haircuts,” Lavender chirped from the background and grinned. “Are you responsible?” She looked at Rose and laughed.

“Guilty as charged,” Rose quipped but became immediately serious.

“No, no, no! Don´t mope. You´ll come with us now and have fun. Let´s go.” Ron grabbed Rose by the shoulders and steered her out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you made it through this chapter as well.
> 
> What do you think so far?  
> I already learned that some are not overly thrilled with the development ( and tag ) of the Rose/Remus relationship.  
> Is it that bad? Should I have tagged it right from the beginning so you would´ve known all along?  
> I have to admit I´m now a little unsure about my story and the turns it takes. I just hope you all won´t leave this fic now.  
> Argh...I´m thinking too much.  
> Well, I hope you´re still enjoying the story.   
> Until the next time ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> just a quick update. Next week will be stressful and I´m pretty sure I won´t make it to upload a new chapter.
> 
> Thank you for the comments on the last chapter. I read them and try to answer them soon.
> 
> Have a nice Sunday!

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

“Rose, mom asks what your plans for the holidays are,” Ron peered up from the letter in his hands.

Rose swallowed her bite of toast and pursed her lips while raising her eyebrows. “Actually, I don´t know. I think I just stay here and…”

“Rubbish. You´ll come with us. You can´t be the only one staying behind when all of us have Molly´s Christmas meals and be together,” Draco interjected.

“But…”

“Or do you want to stay with Remus and Sirius?” Hermione asked now.

Rose didn´t like the suspicious look on her friend´s face, she wondered briefly what she thought.

“I don´t have to decide right away, do I? I´ll talk to Sirius and Remus and then we´ll see.”

***

As a matter of routine Rose found herself later that day on Remus´ sofa, drinking hot chocolate and watching Sirius and Remus bicker while grading.

“As if a little duelling is worse than a class full of teenagers who think it´s funny to transfigure their friends´ limbs into seaweed,” Sirius pointed out, wearing a suffering expression.

“At least your students do this intentionally. My fifth grade managed to hex each other into the infirmary completely by accident,” Remus groaned, thinking about the chaos he´d had to straighten out that day.

“What are your Christmas plans?” Rose asked before Sirius could start all over again why he was the one having the harder fate.

Both men looked up.

“Why are you asking?” Sirius asked.

“Because I need new plans,” Rose said quietly.

Remus stood up and sat next to her, pulling her into his arms.

“I miss him so much and Dumbledore only says I should be patient and that he and Kingsley are in conversation with the Wizengamot. But nothing happens. I thought Dumbledore could accomplish everything.”

“He does give his best. Don´t look only at the black side.” He kissed the top of her head. “What do you think when we all stay here over Christmas and ensconce ourselves, drink tea and read books in front of the fire, do nothing if we don´t have to. Good idea?”

“Remus,” Sirius said softly.

Rose watched them engage in a completely silent conversation which Remus seemed to leave as kind of winner while Sirius exhaled loudly and stood up. “I´ll have to send an owl then,” he said rather curtly and strode out of the room.

“What was that?”

“Nothing important. Don´t worry.” Remus smiled, but Rose sat up, frowning.

“You had already plans and now you changed them for me.”

Remus shrugged her objection away. “We spoke about a short trip, but you are more important. We can visit Venice when you´re better and anyway Venice is even more captivating in summer they say.”

“Remus, it´s fine. Don´t hurt Sirius because you feel some kind of obligation towards me. I can spend the holidays with Ron and the others at the Burrow.” Rose gazed almost pleadingly at Remus.

“Rose, I don´t do that because I feel obliged. I do that because I care about you.”

“I know,” Rose said quietly. “I´m not sure you should when it hurts Sirius.”

“What are you saying?”

Rose sighed and leant back. “Nothing, really. I only think it would be good for you and Sirius to be just with each other for some time. Without me.” Suddenly she stood up. “I think I´ll go now and leave you to him.” She felt bad for destroying their holiday plans, maybe she could still fix it.

“Will you be back later?”

Rose thought about that for a moment. She loved sleeping cuddled up against Remus, but maybe it was time to cut this strange arrangement. She´d taken up more than enough of Remus´ night time already. Not to mention Sirius´.

“No, I think I´ll try to stay in my bed, maybe Hermione comes over when I can´t sleep.”

With a kind of an apologetic smile, Rose kissed Remus on the cheek before she left.

***

“Sirius?” Rose stepped into the owlery. She spotted him at the opposite side of the room, peering out of the window, though he turned as she walked over to him.

“Is it too late to stop your letter?” she asked.

Sirius raised his eyebrows briefly. “Yes, the owl´s already on its way.”

“I´m sorry. Had I known that you plan to go abroad…”

“Yes.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“You´re angry.”

“I am, but not with you. Let´s just stop talking about it.” With squared shoulders, Sirius walked past Rose and disappeared down the narrow staircase.

***

On her way back from the owlery, Rose walked a little detour, visiting the stone Gargoyle guarding Dumbledore´s office.

“Hello you, is he back?” she asked the statue, naturally not expecting an answer.

“He is indeed,” a low chuckle sounded from behind her.

Rose whirled around, facing the Headmaster. “Professor, you´re back. Is there any news?” she asked hopeful.

“Come, let´s discuss this over tea.” Dumbledore opened one arm, inviting Rose to follow him into his office.

They sat in front of the fire and Dumbledore summoned a house-elf, ordering tea and pastries. With the patience of a man having already lived for a long time, he filled two cups, adding sugar and milk to his and stirred evenly.

Rose bit her lip to keep the impatient questions to herself, but after endless, silent minutes she couldn't stand it anymore.

“Headmaster, please, did you achieve anything?”

Dumbledore gazed across the coffee table.

“I'm sorry my dear, I didn't mean to torture you.” He sipped his tea. “I'm afraid I came back without any news at all. Wilbert, Wilbert McClain the new Chief Warlock, listened to my plea, but he refuses to bring Severus' case back into court. He claims his decision is final and argues that the sentence was consentaneous. However, I know of at least three members of the Wizengamot who voted against it.”

“But then...then we can't do anything and Severus has to stay in Azkaban, punished for a crime that isn't one.” Rose stood up. She couldn't sit still any longer. “But if I go and tell them my version of the story…They´d have to listen to me.”

“No. Rose, please don´t do anything,” Dumbledore pleaded beseechingly. “Any interference from you could make it worse. Please have faith. I won´t give up.”

Rose met Dumbledore´s imploring gaze and finally nodded.

“All right, I´ll do nothing.”

***

“Rose?” Hermione sat up in her bed, blinking sleepily across the room.

“Go back to sleep. I´ll see you in the morning.” Rose tiptoed out of the room and just reached the common room as Hermione appeared behind her.

“Are you going to Remus again? I thought you wanted to stay here.”

Rose swallowed, feeling caught. Of course she had vowed to leave Remus and Sirius be and especially try to sleep on her own, but she couldn´t. She felt cold and lonely in her own bed and she longed for Remus’ comforting embrace. Maybe even a little for Sirius´ warm breath on her neck and his snoring which was strangely calming.

“I just walk a little until I´m tired enough.”

“Of course.” Hermione made a small snorting sound, adding, “Rose, in the end it´s your decision and I won´t stick my oar in, but you could at least be honest and admit that this with Remus is more for you than you say.”

Rose said nothing. She only gazed for a moment at her friend before she turned with a shake of her head and headed towards the portrait hole.

“I´m sure he feels the same,” Hermione called after her. “You have to talk about it, alone because of Sirius.”

Rose stopped, her hand on the wooden panel which framed the portrait hole. She looked over her shoulder. “Remus is gay.”

“Is he?” Hermione gave Rose a pointed look, but Rose didn´t reply and quickly walked away, bringing as much distance as possible between herself and Hermione before she stopped and leant against a wall. The cold from the stone seeped through her clothes.

“Goddamn it,” she hissed and closed her eyes.

After ten minutes in only a dressing gown over a t-shirt and boxer shorts, Rose started shivering in the cool corridor. She couldn´t go back into her own bed because first of all she wouldn´t sleep anyway and secondly she was not eager to hear more of Hermione´s rambling about Rose´s and Remus´ relationship. But now going to Remus seemed equally wrong.

But she wanted to. Was it wrong to want to be with him? Was it wrong to feel safe and secure with him? And what the hell had Hermione meant with questioning Remus´ sexuality?

Rose exhaled in a huff.

She glanced up and down the corridor and went then to Remus´ office anyway. She knocked tentatively, knowing she had said she wouldn´t come anymore.

After a moment the door opened and Remus peered outside.

“I gave you the password for a reason, you know?” he said with a small but kind smile.

“I thought I better don´t come in after announcing I wouldn´t come at all.”

“It´s all right, come on then.” While going, Remus glanced at the clock, arching an eyebrow at Rose.

“I know…sorry…”

“What a surprise,” Sirius grumbled with dry sarcasm and shook his head slightly exasperated before he turned his back on them.

Remus waved his comment off and smiled at Rose, nodding towards the bed.

They settled in and Rose curled into Remus´ arm with her back towards Remus. Not long later she heard his even breaths and Sirius´ rumbling snores. Still unable to fall asleep she turned away from Sirius and towards Remus. He smelled nice, like soap and toothpaste and tea, and Rose smiled. Immediately Hermione´s words popped into her mind again and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn´t get rid of them.

“Rose, lay still!” Sirius sounded thoroughly pissed off.

Rose froze and tried not to fidget anymore but she couldn´t help it. As soon as her mind started to wander back to her current problem she became restless again and despite usually even Remus´ soothing strokes over her back did nothing to calm her into sleepiness.

“Goddamn it! Some of us need a little sleep once in a while!” Sirius sat up and switched the light on. “I´ve tried to be patient and I never said anything against you coming here but it´s enough for tonight. Go or I don´t know what will happen.” He pointed towards the door.

Rose crawled to the end of the bed and scrambled to her feet, quickly clearing out of Sirius´ way.

“That was unnecessary,” Remus said lowly and followed Rose.

“It was most overdue!” Sirius snarled. The door shut after a flick with his wand with a dull thud.

Rose turned uncertain what to do, gazing at the closed door to the bedroom, but Remus released her from any decision and dragged her over to the sofa, pulling her down with him.

“Don´t mind him too much, he´s prickly when he had not enough sleep.”

“Yeah, but I think that´s not all…” Rose allowed Remus to pull her close as he settled into a comfortable position.

“Don´t worry I´ll talk with him.”

Remus fell silent and before long was asleep again, unlike Rose who still couldn´t calm her thoughts.

Why was everyone so hell-bent to impute that she and Remus had something going on? This here wasn´t like they said, why couldn´t they see that?

After long, silent minutes, heavy with brooding and still being unable to sleep, Rose cautiously turned as not to disturb Remus. She shifted until she could see him. Even more cautiously she lifted her hand and stroked a stray strand of hair out of his face.

Or was it exactly like everyone was saying?

Rose swallowed while her heart jumped forcefully.

***

“Rose,” Elise said surprised but smiled and let her inside. “Have you confused the days?”

“No, I know that I´m next only tomorrow…Have you a minute anyway?”

“But of course. What can I do for you?”

Rose fidgeted in front of the armchair until she finally sat down. “I sleep with Remus,” she blurted but immediately corrected, “I mean not with him but in his bed. He invited me as I came to him after Severus had been convicted and somehow…I find I can´t sleep in my own bed. I tried. Really, but I only roll around and in the end go to Remus anyway. Last night Hermione woke up and she said…she said I should finally admit that I have feelings for him and that she´s sure that he…that he returns them.”

Elise nodded then hummed. “But you disagree.”

“Yes,” Rose said firmly, adding immediately but a lot more uncertain, “Actually I have no idea. There´s so much I´m thinking about with Severus gone and all. Remus was always there for me, but not like this.”

Now Elise smiled. “But would it be unthinkable to develop feelings for him?”

Rose frowned. “It would be odd. Inappropriate. And I love Severus and I want him to come back to me. I miss him and I´m absolutely not ready for anyone else, least of all Remus.”

Elise nodded and hummed again. She regarded Rose with a long, intense gaze then said, “That is what your head says, but what does your heart say?”

“That was my heart speaking,” Rose said, looking offended.

“I´m not that sure about it.” Elise tilted her head from side to side. “I think you don´t want to examine your feelings for Remus more deeply because you´re afraid of what you might find out.”

Rose huffed and stood up. “I thought you would help me and not try to make everything worse.”

“I definitely try to help you but I can only do as much as you let me and right now you just block my attempts of helping you. Please sit down again.”

“You´re not helping,” Rose snipped and stomped towards the door, tearing it open.

“Rose, you need to settle your queasy conscience. It´s no shame to fall in love with someone else. No one ever said you can´t love both. Just look at your friend Hermione and her fiancés,” Elise called after her, but Rose banged the door shut and stormed down the corridor, far away from Elise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I´ll give you that Remus is a little disturbing at the moment. I was rather fond of him when I started writing his and Rose´s story, but re-reading the last chapter...he´s quite an arse to Sirius. Never meant him to be and still love the character Remus greatly. He´ll definitely see his mistakes later on. He just needs a little time to think about his behaviour :D
> 
> And even though it doesn´t look like that at the moment, this story will remain a Snarry-fic. It will be all good in the end and everyone will be happy, only not too soon but definitely eventually.  
> So much to that. Hope to see you around for the next chapter.  
> Don´t hesitate to tell me your opinion it only can help to improve my writing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ui, the first longer wait for you since I started uploading.  
> Not sure it´s getting better, though, with Christmas right ahead.  
> I hope you like what´s coming and if not, I hope you read it anyway :D
> 
> In case I don´t upload any time soon, I wish all of you a merry Christmas and a happy time with your loved ones!

<<>><<><<<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Rose brooded silently while pretending to finish her homework. Elise´s words had her mind in a vice-like grip, granting her no escape. She felt the hidden glances from her friends, especially from Hermione who, like so often, seemed to smell what that was all about.

Even before curfew, Rose gathered her books and parchments and stuffed everything unceremoniously into her school bag, standing up. She stretched high up towards the ceiling and groaned.

“I´m off to bed.”

“Now?” Ron looked dumbstruck.

“Haven´t slept last night,” Rose offered almost apologetically with a small smile.

The dormitory was chill. Lavender had opened one of the windows and had left it that way. Again. It was a battle the other three girls lost regularly ever since they´d started here at Hogwarts. One of them shut the window and Lavender opened it again.

Not eager for another melodramatic argument with Lavender, Rose quickly changed into her night clothes and cast a warming charm on her bed, slipping under the blanket.

Rose sighed and stared at the canopy above her head.

“You need to settle your queasy conscience…” she muttered. “Great help, Elise, really.” She huffed and stared further straight ahead. With one hand she fiddled with Severus´ shirt which still was under her pillow and smelled as if he had worn it until a few minutes ago. She gulped heavily.

“I miss you,” she whispered into the soft fabric and pressed her face deeper into it.

And she did miss him. She thought she coped quite well and managed to go on but in the darkness of the dormitory, alone in her bed she couldn´t supress those thoughts and feelings, couldn´t help but be miserable without Severus, couldn´t help but feel guilty. If she´d just disobey Dumbledore and talk to this McClain person, surely she could change his mind, couldn´t she?

“Rose?” Hermione asked into the silence. “You´re still awake?”

Rose kept silent and waited until she heard the low groan of the floorboards as Hermione turned and left.

She closed her eyes.

***

Two hours later she was still awake, listening to the sounds her roommates made and tried to fall asleep, though, to no avail. Her thoughts circled around Severus. And Remus.

Finally admitting to herself that it was so much easier to bear Severus´ absence when she was with Remus, having him comfort and coddle her, she stood up.

Rose quickly walked through the cold castle and then entered Remus´ quarters. She wondered briefly about not finding Remus or Sirius in the living room. Not even the lights were on, but then she reckoned they´d retreated into the bedroom with their books, maybe even grading work. They both liked lounging in bed instead of the sofa. Nodding to herself, Rose walked straight across the living room and opened the bedroom, stopping dead.

She stared for a split-second at the scene in front of her: Remus and Sirius unmistakably naked and entwined, arching against each other, moaning and gasping. Rose felt her face heat up and was sure she was red to the tips of her ears. Stumbling, she turned and fled out of the room.

“Rose! Wait,” Remus called after her. Why ever, she halted and looked back. Remus bent over the bed and quickly stepped into his briefs. Rose´s eyes caught as per usual at his scars, especially the ones from this summer which Greyback had left and ran from Remus´ right clavicle down to his chest.

Sirius watched Remus annoyed but kept quiet even as Remus left the bedroom and walked over to Rose who quickly lowered her gaze to the floor.

“What´s wrong?”

Rose shook her head, still not looking at Remus, not until he lifted her face with his hand.

“I´m sorry,” she mumbled, blushing again.

Remus ignored her apology, saying, “Something bothers you.”

Rose shrugged. Her mind started racing again as she gauged Remus' behaviour. Wasn't it a strange reaction when someone barrelled into you having sex? Wasn't Sirius´ reaction the one anyone would expect? Because Sirius grumbled annoyed and cast grumpy glances towards Remus and Rose, even though he got dressed now too. But then what else should he do when he wouldn´t want to lie naked next to Rose? Because Remus had released Rose from a firm hug and steered her now into the bedroom, telling her not to worry and come to bed.

Rose had only enough time to shed the most necessary clothes, meaning the dressing gown, before Remus pushed her rather unceremoniously on the bed and quickly wrapped her into his arms. After a brief sulky silence, Sirius rolled out of the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

“Remus, I think…” Rose lifted her head to look after her godfather. She felt bad for Sirius and it made her all awkward and uneasy even though Remus´ embrace comforted her just as she had known it would, but then this only added to her troubled feelings regarding Sirius.

“Shush. He´ll come back,” Remus murmured and shifted into a more comfortable position, forcing Rose to follow.

She laid her head on Remus´ shoulder, bringing one arm up over his chest and relaxed immediately. Her eyes drifted close.

Remus stroked softly over her arm but then shifted again. He nudged her leg until Rose moved it away.

“No, up,” Remus whispered, his breath stroked over her hair.

It seemed rather intimate to hook her leg over Remus´, but she did it anyway and acknowledged reluctantly that it was more comfortable than before and much closer. Again the nagging thought in the back of her mind started pushing forward, got louder with each passing moment. What was she really doing here? Were they crossing a line they shouldn´t? And what about Sirius, should she go and apologise and then be sensible for once and leave?

Those and a whole bunch of other questions got jumbled in her hazy mind, but even before she found just a single answer, Remus´ calm, soothing touch lured her into sleep.

***

As Rose woke up, she was alone and on both her sides the sheets were cold, though that wasn´t what had woken her, what had was an half whispered, heated argument from the next room. For a few more seconds, Rose stayed under the warm blanket, but then curiosity won. She dressed quickly and peeked into the living room just as Sirius threw his arms into the air.

“She´s seventeen, don´t you think it´s a little strange, not to say awkward to let her stay with us like this?”

“You were the one almost dragging her into our bed the first time. Why does it bother you suddenly?”

“All right, it usually doesn´t. But last night we had sex, for fuck´s sake! And you stopped in the middle because of what? Rose looked like she´d be slightly upset?”

“She was upset.” Remus closed the distance to Sirius, cupping his face with his hands but Sirius brushed him off.

“You look at her,” Sirius snipped accusingly.

“Shocking. And you don´t?” Remus arched one eyebrow.

“Don´t play daft. You know what I mean.” Sirius pointed one finger at Remus´ chest, lips pursed.

“Do I now?”

Rose shifted uncomfortably, unsure if she should interrupt or listen further, she felt not at all comfortable with the tone of this conversation and even less with the indications, but at the same time something fluttery started zipping through her belly.

“Rose is as much your goddaughter as she is mine,” Sirius said in barely more than an angry hiss.

“What are you trying to tell me? Please be more specific, don´t forget how daft I am.”

Rose ducked behind the wall as Remus turned unexpectedly and strode towards the sitting area. Cautiously she peeked around the corner as Sirius spoke again.

“I believed you as you told me all the blathering about you and her wouldn´t be true.”

“And it wasn´t true.”

“But now it is obviously. Damn it, Remus! She´s out of bounds. You shouldn´t even think of her that way, not to say look at her the way you do.” Sirius´ face twisted in a pained grimace.

“Oh and you know which way I think of her? Thrilling. And here I thought you are the one who had to flee the scene for a quick wank in the bathroom after waking up next to her for the first time.” Remus smirked almost triumphantly as Sirius paled, but his expression crumpled quickly and turned beseechingly. “Sirius, please, there is nothing more between me and Rose than what is between you and her.”

Sirius eyed him for some seconds, jaw tense and arms folded over his chest. “But contrary to me you want it to be more.”

Remus sighed, a little anguished puff of air that seemed to hang between him and Sirius like a confession of its own. “Sirius, I´m sorry, I truly am, but I can´t change what I feel and I certainly didn´t choose it."

Rose´s eyes widened, she must´ve misunderstood Remus. He couldn´t have said what she thought she´d heard. He had calmed her, told her that they just were friends and that their closeness wouldn´t be more. Had he lied to her back then and all the time afterwards?

“Yes, of course. So you´ll project your unrequited feelings for Rose simply on the next willing bit of skirt you can find,” Sirius snapped.

“It´s not...You know…Damn it, Sirius. You're acting as if I´d betray you every other day!” Remus rubbed wearily over his face, adding, “I never betrayed you. Not once.”

“You do every day. In your head. And you don´t even feel ashamed of it.”

Remus made a small indignant huffing sound, crossing his arms over his chest, mirroring Sirius´ tense posture. “Really? Do we start this now all over again? This is not about if you are enough for me or not. I never did anything outside of our relationship and you can´t forbid me to dream about things I like. I really don´t know why I have to justify everything I´m feeling or not feeling or doing or not doing or even what I´m thinking and that every time anew! I really thought I made myself clear about it.”

“Oh yes, you made yourself clear. Very much so. Forgive me that I can´t understand it.”

“Sirius, if you can´t live with it, then say it. I´m so done with this discussion.” Remus regarded Sirius with a hard, cold gaze that made Rose squirm uncomfortably.

“Perfect. So you want me to break up with you? And then? Will you run to Rose and cry at her shoulder? Or will you try to get between her legs immediately?” Sirius shouted now, uncaring to be overheard.

Remus exhaled deeply. “No. Look, I´m sorry for snapping at you it´s just…” He stopped as he spotted Rose in the doorway.

Rose meanwhile had paled. A thick lump stuck in her throat and all of her thoughts swirled in terrible chaos around. Why had everyone seen it but herself? Considering everything, it was obvious, terribly so. She gulped and then, before neither Remus nor Sirius could say anything, she rushed through the room and out of the door.

***

Elise opened immediately, her expression worried and getting even more worried as she saw Rose in the corridor, pale and eyes wide, panting harshly.

“Rose, my god, what is it?”

Rose opened her mouth but was completely unable to voice any of her thoughts, let alone in any rational order.

Elise steered her across the room to the armchair with the pillows, pushing her gently down.

“Is there any news from Severus?” Elise asked cautiously.

“No, this isn´t about Severus. It´s Remus…”

“Remus?” Elise raised her eyebrows.

“He and Sirius fought and I don´t know why I never realised…I mean somehow I knew it all the time. Sensed the truth. But now I can´t…I mean, I…”

A knock interrupted Rose´s stumbled thoughts.

Elise stood up and opened the door, revealing an anxious Remus on the other side.

“May I come in?”

Elise turned to Rose, leaving the decision to her. Rose only shrugged again, but Elise took it as agreement and opened the door wide to let Remus inside.

Silence filled the room. Though, Elise was the only one relaxed and watched Rose and Remus who both studiously avoided looking at each other.

“Well, Professor Lupin, I think you came here for a reason, would you mind telling us?” Elise asked finally, smiling softly at Remus.

Remus frowned briefly but then turned to Rose. “I´m sorry you had to hear this. You shouldn´t have…”

“So it´s true what Sirius said? Which means you lied to me all the time?” Rose blurted even before Remus could finish his sentence.

Elise seemed, for the first time since Rose knew her, surprised. She leant forward in her chair, listening more closely.

“I´m not proud of it and I certainly tried to deny my feelings for a while, especially because of Severus, but I can´t help it, I feel attracted to you." Remus rubbed over his forehead. "Heavens! I feel like a pervert and the worst of all friends.”

“But…I thought you, you are gay,” Rose said weakly. She could virtually already hear Hermione and her ‘how it always had been so obvious’-speech.

“Well, I´m not…” Remus scratched the back of his neck, looking almost apologetically.

“But…Sirius,” Rose stammered. She felt as if she´d lost the ability to form coherent sentences with her thoughts circling and crashing into each other, drifting apart and shifting into new ones without enough time for her to catch up on them.

“I love Sirius, but there was never another man before him. I experimented in school with both girls and boys, but that was nothing serious and I always ever had relationships with women.” Remus frowned.

Rose crossed her arms, opened them again and slung them around her chest as if hugging herself only to let them fall to her lap, hands wringing each other in distress. She sighed a few times and was generally fidgety, looking here and there, gazing at Remus, then Elise and back down at her hands. Finally she mumbled, “Does that mean that you´ve been only so affectionate because you tried to seduce me?”

“No. Rose, really, no. I never tried to seduce you. I could´ve used your confusion about what you feel for me to my advantage, but I didn´t and I never wanted to.” Remus´ hand twitched in Rose´s direction, but before he could touch her, he pulled his hand back and instead gripped the armrests of his chair.

Rose looked almost pleadingly to Elise who looked down at her interlaced fingers in her lap, keeping a straight face.

“You were in doubt about your feelings?” Elise asked quietly, finally lifting her gaze to Rose.

“I…yes,” she said unsure. “But only until Remus convinced me otherwise…Why would you do that anyway when you have feelings for me?” She looked at Remus, utterly perplexed.

“I never wanted to sway you from Severus. I had no inclination to destroy your relationship with confessing my feelings.” Now Remus reached out and took her hand in his, softly squeezing it.

Elise cocked her head, a soft smile played on her lips as she watched Remus and Rose. “There´s a lot of chemistry between you.”

Rose slumped back into her chair, pulling her hand out of Remus´ and against her chest.

“I love Severus,” she said almost defiantly.

Elise laughed. “And this isn´t actually an obstacle. Remus loves Sirius. He said it himself. The thing is if you could only be attracted to one person at the same time, how do you explain your friend and her relationship with her fiancés? Or other people being, most of the time, perfectly happy in their relationship but still become attracted to another person, or even more than one.”

Rose considered that for a moment. Probably it made sense, but it didn´t help her at all.

“Damn, Remus.” She looked at the ceiling. “You should be gay and uninterested in me. You are not supposed to have feelings for me.” She pursed her lips, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

Remus cleared his throat and looked at Rose, furrowing his brow.

“What should I say? I´m sorry? I can´t help how I am and what I feel.”

Rose glimpsed at Remus. “Are you sure about your feelings?”

Remus smiled, humourless. “Quite.”

Rose shook her head. “I don´t want to think about this. I don’t want to find out what it means for my feelings. I don´t want to.”

“I don´t think you have to think too hard about your feelings. You already know them, you only have to admit it,” Elise said.

Rose pondered that for a few moments, but the longer she entertained those thoughts the more reluctant she became to say anything. She scratched her teeth over her bottom lip, gazing down at her lap.

“Sometimes you behave so clearly affectionate that I can´t help but think you return my feelings and then again your signals are confusing and I think I imagine all of it. I wish it would be all clearer even if it would be only to rule the topic off.” Remus had spoken quietly, but his words were like the crack of a whip, slashing the silence.

Rose firmly bit her lip and shook her head again, tears started to blur her vision.

“I think you both should take some time to think about all of this and then talk with each other. When you like you can come back and maybe I can help sort it out with you.” Elise gazed at Remus and then at the door. “If you don´t mind, I´d like to have a private word with Rose.”

Remus followed this unmistakable dismissal while Rose perked up, sniffling.

Elise, however, said nothing more but busied herself with the kettle and a few moments later wrapped Rose´s hands around a mug with steaming hot tea and then sat down in her armchair, legs crossed, and watched Rose attentively.

Without thinking, Rose sipped and of course burnt her tongue. Sticking her tongue out and blowing over it, she grimaced. The tea wasn´t only hot but had a funny taste too.

“Not so hasty.” Elise smiled. “You have time. I don´t have to discuss anything, I just thought you´d like a moment to calm down.”

“Yes, thank you…Sorry, but the tea…” Rose made a face.

“I know. Not every herbal tea tastes nicely, but it´s a calming blend. Drink it.” Elise nodded at the cup and then waited patiently and without saying a single word until Rose had finished it.

“There is a technique I learned during my apprenticeship. It helps to relax when you´re in a difficult situation,” Elise said then out of nowhere and took the empty cup from Rose to put it aside. “You don´t have to do anything, just lie down and let me do. It won´t hurt and afterwards you´ll feel much better. Would you allow me to try it on you?”

Rose frowned, uncertain, but then she shrugged. “Why not.”

Elise grinned and gestured for Rose to follow her. They walked through a hidden door in another room. It had only a small window and was illuminated by a single candle on a candle stand. Wax had dropped to the floor, forming a bizarre pattern.

At the wall opposite the door stood a small cot.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

A little awkward, Rose lay down and, after Elise told her so, closed her eyes. She felt magic flow over her and cover her like a blanket. Her thoughts became mushy and hard to grasp and everything zoomed away. She inhaled to clear her head and thought to hear Elise say something but before she could strain to understand her the blanket lifted and took with it the warmth and mushy feeling of her thoughts. Rose blinked.

“Done. How do you feel?”

“Uhm…” Rose slowly sat up. “Not worse than before.” She frowned to herself about still feeling a little woozy.

“Well, that´s something.” Elise chuckled. “I think it´s about time you went to your class.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you all!  
> Hope you had an incredible Christmas time.
> 
> Here´s a little treat for the remaining days of this year.
> 
> Let me know what you think, please?

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

After this world rattling start into the morning, Rose was too late for Transfiguration.

Sheepishly she knocked at Professor McGonagall´s classroom.

“Miss Potter! This class has started half an hour ago, where have you been until now?” The professor peered with narrowed eyes over at Rose who sat down with bowed head.

“I was with Mrs Driscoll,” she said quietly, not looking up.

“Mrs…Oh. Ok. In this case, please send a note next time.” With that Professor McGonagall returned to her lesson as if nothing had happened.

“Are you all right?” Hermione leant closer, eyeing Rose suspiciously.

Rose lifted her head. She wanted to say yes, because she felt indeed better after Elise´s calming technique, but then everything Remus had said surfaced again and all which came out of her mouth was a choked sob.

The whole class lapsed into silence while heart-breaking sobs wracked Rose. Half of the students looked as if they had only waited for this to happen the other half exchanged worried glances.

“Miss Granger, or anyone else, would you bring Miss Potter outside and try to calm her?” Professor McGonagall asked and shook fondly her head as actually all of Rose´s friends stood up, including the few Slytherins. “I think two will be sufficient support.” She smiled and nodded as Hermione and Draco linked arms with Rose and brought her out of the room.

It was Hermione who decided that some fresh air would be good now and led the way out of a side entrance which brought them into a small, secluded garden. Framed by high trees, there was almost no snow in the garden and the bench at the far side of the oval place was dry. Thanks to magic the flowers stood still in full blossom and a sweet scent hung in the air. They sat down on the bench.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Hermione asked and took Rose´s hand between her own.

Rose swallowed heavily, but at least she had stopped crying. “You were right. I only was too blind to see it,” she said lowly and then repeated what had happened after she´d left the dormitory the previous night. As she´d finished, the other two stared at her with open mouths. Though, Hermione was the first to recover.

“And what now? What will you do next?”

Rose frowned. “What should I do next? Should I even do anything?”

Draco stood up, his back towards the girls. “I can´t understand you. Severus is not even gone for two weeks and you…” he turned around, scowling. “How can you be so false?”

“False? Draco, you´re acting as if I´d have something with Remus. Have you even listened to me?”

“Gosh you´re so stupid sometimes! Why don´t you just admit what you feel for Lupin? It´s so obvious for everyone who sees you together or hears you talking about him. Honestly, it´s no wonder Severus was jealous. And he was right after all!” Draco snapped and stomped away.

Rose was yet again in tears, sniffling into her sleeve.

Hermione placed a hand on Rose´s back.

“So, you do have feelings for him, don´t you?”

Rose shook her head but shrugged her shoulders at the same time.

***

Rose was silent and absentminded throughout the whole Defence against the Dark Arts class, pondering what she had learnt today and tried to sort through her own emotions. She felt Remus recurring glances but couldn´t return them. But at the end of the lesson she had made up her mind enough to know she had to talk to Remus again.

“Rose…” Remus said cautiously as he spotted her still on her seat after the bell had rung and everyone else had left.

“Can we talk?”

“Yes. Of course. Now?” Remus stuffed his hands into his pockets, his whole posture appeared troubled and guilt-ridden.

“Uh, let´s meet at the lake. I only go and fetch my cloak,” Rose said. She merely waited for Remus´ nod before she hastened out of the room and sprinted upstairs to the Gryffindor tower.

***

It was cold outside and snowed again as Rose left the castle. Even though the sun had set                                                                                                                                                 already, thanks to the snow it was still bright enough to see everything and so Rose noticed that Remus already waited for her. She inhaled, gathering her courage. Determined she approached Remus, but as she reached him eventually, all of the clarity she´d had was gone, everything she had prepared to say vanished.

Her heart beat faster and she wished Remus would just embrace her and hold her close as he had done so often in the past. She´d already made a tentative step forward as she acknowledged her last thought. She really couldn´t deny that she was feeling more for him, could she? How could she not have noticed her own feelings?

She peered up but lowered her gaze immediately again. Looking at Remus made everything only more confusing. But he was so close already. So close, she could feel his body heat and smell his warm scent. And all of a sudden she found herself leaning against him, arms around his waist. They stood just like that for a moment before Remus lifted his arms and slung them around Rose, bringing her closer to him.

Rose exhaled a shaky breath. Even though her thoughts were still a terrible mess, she relaxed. Her eyes were closed as she said, “Now I´m even more confused.”

She felt the rise and fall of Remus' chest and his heartbeat at her cheek, quick and strong even through his clothes.

After what felt like hours, Remus pushed Rose away. He touched gently her cheek with the back of his fingers, caressing her until his hand turned at her chin so he stroked only a hair´s breadth below her bottom lip.

“I thought it would be enough to be with Sirius and dream about the things he can´t give me. Merlin knows I love him, I really do, but sometimes…sometimes I miss something he can´t give. And he can´t understand that I feel this way. And then we got closer. You´ve spent so much time with me…”

Rose swallowed, unable to say anything if intelligent or not. A strange feeling settled into the pit of her stomach and it spread the longer Remus touched her so softly and gazed at her longingly. And Rose was not sure if the feeling inside her tried to tell her to run or to lean into his touch. But then running wasn´t a possibility at all at the moment with her knees feeling all wobbly and her heart racing madly in her chest, making her slightly giddy, and Remus´ free arm slowly coming around her waist and pulling her closer again, almost in slow-motion. His eyes darted again and again to her lips, but then he tilted her head up, his index finger and thumb at her chin, and locked their eyes. His gaze was intense, relentless, and wouldn´t let her look away and Rose´s heart beat even faster, so fast she thought it would explode any second.

“I gave my best to push my feelings away, but they won´t stop,” he said lowly.

Rose knew what would happen. There was no doubt, really, and she wasn´t sure she wanted to do anything to prevent it, and then it was too late anyway as Remus bent down.

Remus´ lips were a bit chapped and slightly rough, but not in an unpleasant way. The kiss was soft nonetheless and his mouth moved over hers with light pressure. His arm around her waist tightened and he kissed her with more urgency. His tongue swept over her lips, begging for entrance and Rose parted them, though only lightly, not giving in completely but neither blocking his attempts.  

Rose felt hyperaware of herself and her surroundings. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears, her breathing was fast and gasping, the air around her was clear and crisp and the few birds, withstanding the cold winter, chirped in snowy trees. She smelled Remus´ sweetly, warm scent and felt his body pressed against hers, his arms holding her and his mouth moving over hers, coaxing her deeper into this kiss. It was all so much, too much, and still not enough. She felt like floating and drowning all at once.

Remus' hand on her chin disappeared but was back the next second, his fingers now curling around her neck at the base of her skull, stroking up into her hair and tilting her head even further back.

Rose made a small sound of protest due to the strange angle and Remus used that moment to push forward, his tongue stroked deeper into her mouth and Rose finally gave in and melted into Remus´ embrace.

A small voice in the back of her head started laughing. It sounded shockingly like Elise again as it said in a giggling sing-song, “I told you so…You´re in looooooove with Remus…But just think about what you´re doing to poor Severus.”

Rose turned her head away and pushed at Remus, both hands on his chest. Remus let go of her immediately, only reached out to prevent Rose from toppling to the ground due to the sudden loss of balance.

“Fuck…” It came out more as a desperate exhale than a heartfelt curse. Rose swallowed and licked her lips and saw how Remus followed the action with his eyes. “This is wrong. I…I need some distance. I´ll leave with the others and stay at the Burrow.” Rose turned around and sprinted back up to the castle.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I´m so sorry for posting only now again. But honestly my life´s upside down at the moment. I´m a single mom again and currently busy to keep my life going. I try to upload as fast as I can, but at the moment there´s not much time left of my days. But don´t worry this story is my baby and I give it as much of my time as I can muster.  
> However, here´s a new chapter. Hope you like it.

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"Good morning, sleepyhead," Charlie boomed cheerfully only seconds before Teddy jumped with a squeal on the bed just to flop down on Rose's head.

“I hate you, Charlie Weasley,” Rose grumbled and opened one eye to squint at Charlie.

“Wose! Besents!” Teddy jumped up and down, still squealing.

“Hurry, Mom won´t let us open one single present until not everyone´s there and had breakfast. You´re the last one. Even post came in only a moment ago.”

With a groan, Rose flopped back down into her pillow and pulled the blanket over her head. Of course, it was Christmas Day. Only that Rose felt not at all inclined to celebrate anything let alone be the whole day amongst a bunch of disgustingly merry people. Actually her head hurt and she felt queasy. What wouldn´t she give for the quiet of her dormitory back at Hogwarts…

“I´m not coming,” she mumbled and found herself a second later on the floor, Charlie standing above her.

“No way! You´re coming down now or I´ll drag you. And cheer up, Sirius and Remus will be here any minute too.” Charlie grinned broadly and tucked Teddy into his arms, ready to leave.

Rose´s stomach clenched painfully at the mention of Sirius and Remus and that not only because she hadn´t told her friends about the kiss or had talked to either Remus or Sirius at all since then too, but also because she couldn´t decide if she was happy or not to hear that they´d come together and thus apparently had spoken out. And wasn´t that ridiculous? Really!

“If you´re not downstairs in ten minutes I´ll come back and you don´t want that.” Charlie gave her a pointed look but destroyed it sensationally with a smirk before rushing downstairs.

Rose exhaled with a long pffff-sound but hurried nonetheless into the bathroom, taking a quick shower. Still with wet hair, she walked downstairs and scurried into the kitchen which was unexpected silent. All heads turned towards her.

“Uh, good morning?” Rose asked cautiously.

Suddenly the whole room exploded with voices as everyone talked at the same moment. Rose only understood snippets of what all of them were saying.

“Really?”

“…couldn´t have told us?”

“You said…

“…don´t know…”

“…only talked!”

“Mon dieu…”

“…joke, isn´t it?”

“Rose, dear, what would Severus say?” Molly was the only one Rose could hear perfectly well, given the fact that the woman stood right next to her.

“STOP!” Rose shouted into the turmoil. Her headache intensified multiple times. “What is the matter, anyway?”

From somewhere someone handed the newest Daily Prophet over to Rose. She peered down and froze. Plastered all over the front page was a picture from herself and Remus, wrapped into each other´s arms, kissing.

Rose swallowed and scanned the article. As per usual Rita Skeeter didn´t mince matters, though stunningly enough she´d kept Severus´ trial out of it, but then again why report about a trial when you could speculate about the girl-hero´s love life. And this whole article was a wasps´ nest of snidely comments and wild speculations.

Rose lowered the newspaper with shaking hands and closed her eyes. For the first time since Remus had kissed her she felt her conscience stir. To be totally honest she´d been far too busy to sort through her feelings for Remus to waste just a single thought on Severus and what he might feel would he know.

Rose felt her stomach revolt and was rather glad it was still empty.

The noise in the kitchen increased in loudness and the next wave of questions erupted around her. However, the sound of apparition and shouting in the yard silenced the questions and prevented Rose, most likely only for the moment though, from being interrogated any further.

Rose, like everyone else, looked outside. Sirius stormed towards the Burrow, closely followed by Remus who pleaded non-stop with him to wait. But Sirius wouldn’t listen and tore the door open, blustering inside.

“Rose!” he yelled. “What the fuck?”

Now Remus was in the kitchen too, grabbing Sirius´ shoulder, but Sirius turned and punched Remus in the face. Fleur and Molly shrieked surprised. Rose scrambled through the overfilled room.

“Damn, Sirius! Do you have to hurt him?” she shouted and glared at her godfather before she turned to Remus who held one hand under his bleeding nose. They exchanged a brief glance which Remus ended with going outside again and spitting blood in the snow.

Surprisingly Sirius seemed rendered speechless and stared at Rose who gazed undecided from Sirius to Remus, torn between explaining the kiss to one man and going to comfort the other one.

In the end it was Molly who healed Remus´ broken nose and stopped the bleeding, taking even his cardigan to wash it and get rid of the blood stains. Rose turned to Sirius.

“I don´t know what I should say,” she said lowly. Her arms hung at her sides while she pressed her lips against each other.

“Was it about that the whole time? You and Remus? Yeah? Had a good laugh about how stupid I am?” Sirius asked, his voice dripping with bitterness.

“No. Sirius, please. It isn´t like that.” Rose shook her head. “There´s nothing between us but this kiss and it was…it was…” She shrugged helplessly, unable to find the right words.

“I don´t care what it was or not. You heard our argument. You knew what I think,” Sirius said. “And still you let him kiss you. You know what? You´re such a great match. Be happy together.” He turned and brushed past Remus, elbowing him aside.

“Sirius,” Remus called pleadingly.

“No! Fuck you, Remus! You have all you wanted, haven´t you? So by all means, go and fuck her senseless if it makes you happy, but leave me alone!” He swirled around and disappeared with a crack.

Rose swallowed. The silence from the people behind her was deafening, but worse was Remus´ silence as he half turned towards her, gazing at her with an apology before disapparating too.

Rose exhaled shakily. Again everything was rolling downhill, tumbling, crashing and finally burning to ashes before she had even the time to do or say anything. It seemed as if she´d now lost not only Severus but Sirius and Remus too.

She hadn´t moved a fraction and still stared into the yard as Sirius was back suddenly. He stalked towards the Burrow. Without a word he clamped his fingers around Rose´s arm and pulled her outside, hurrying across the yard.

“Sirius, what are you doing?” Rose asked, panic bleeding into her voice. Sirius´ grip got firmer, bruising her, but he still said nothing. Rose tried to dig her heels into the frozen ground and tug on her arm but it wouldn´t do. All she managed was to stumble. Sirius jerked painfully on her arm to keep her upright and walking. Rose started trembling, she wore not even shoes and her feet were already wet and cold as was her hair. “Sirius, please you hurt me,” she whimpered, but Sirius simply dragged her along.

Behind them other voices got louder but stopped abruptly as Sirius apparated.

Reappearing in a place she had never seen before, Rose stumbled again. Sirius didn´t stop in his stride and pulled her relentlessly closer to the demolished remnants of a house that must once have been a nice family-home. Sirius stopped only as they´d entered through the dangerously crooked entrance door. He let finally go of her arm which was numb from his tight grip.

Rose looked around. They stood in a small hall that led to the living room and on the other side into the kitchen. Everywhere furniture was broken or toppled over, glass and porcelain was scattered over the floor and every surface was coated with a thick layer of dust. In the middle of the living room lay solitarily a long forgotten, stuffed bunny. It´s bright turquoise fur seemed misplaced in the oddly colourless, destroyed room.

“Where are we?” Rose asked, some kind of presentment whispering the answer even before Sirius had given it.

“Godric´s Hollow,” he said with his face twisted in pain.

Rose´s gaze wandered through the hall and to the stairs. The upper floor was dark, but Rose hadn´t to see it to know exactly what she would find there.

“Why have you brought me here?”

“Your parents died here. Died to protect you.” Sirius looked down at Rose, rummaging through the pockets of his leather jacket. “They made me your godfather. They believed I´d be able to carry on the task of protecting you should they not be able to do so. I had not much opportunity but I did everything I could, but I failed, obviously.” He pressed a folded piece of paper into Rose´s hands.

Unfolding it, Rose looked at a photo with four people smiling up at her. Her parents, Sirius and Remus, all of them young and happy, and considering her parents very much alive. Rose watched how Remus smiled with a gentle expression down at a bundle in his arms. A small hand appeared from beneath the blanket. The others grinned and Lilly kissed Remus softly on the cheek. Rose raised a hand to her mouth as she finally acknowledged that it was herself in Remus´ arms.

“It´s so wrong, Rose. He was the first who held you, even before I had the chance. He changed your nappies for god´s sake. And now you are intimate with him,” Sirius exclaimed with broken, rough voice.

Rose´s gaze snapped up. She shook her head vigorously. “But we aren´t.”

Sirius hadn´t heard her or he chose to ignore her and went on, “Remus, as well, swore to protect you. He´s as much your godfather as I am!”

“Sirius..."

“You shouldn´t even consider being so close to him. He´s the closest thing to a father you have besides me. It´s like…”

“Don´t you dare! Don´t you dare comparing him to my dad!” Rose yelled, finally interrupting Sirius. “He´s nothing like that, just as you are not my father. Nothing of what we could do is forbidden. But there is nothing. Gods, Sirius, please listen to me. There is nothing between me and Remus.” Rose and Sirius stared at each other, Rose pleadingly and Sirius with his mouth opening and closing in silence.

“The picture looked not like nothing,” Sirius said finally with a bitter sneer. “Your parents would…”

“We will never know what they´d think about this because they are dead!” Rose shouted.

“Yes they are! And you and Remus are everything what is left!” Sirius shouted back and slammed his fist into the wall. “You´re everything I have.” He winced lightly as he shook his hand, flexing his finger cautiously.

“Please, Sirius, nothing will change.” Rose made a tentative step forward, reaching out to Sirius.

“It already has,” he said gravely and, turning on the spot, disappeared, leaving Rose behind.


	9. Chapter 9

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As Remus finally found Rose, she was frozen and sat already for hours with blank expression in her former child´s room, clutching the stuffed bunny to her chest and stared at the baby bed, the photograph Sirius had given her lay on the floor beside her feet.

“Rose. Thank goodness,” Remus groaned and knelt down to her. “Come. Come with me.” Cautiously he touched her hand and pulled gently.

Rose stood up but didn´t move further. She only stood there, still staring at the bed, hands limp at her side with the bunny now dangling over the floor.

Remus made a step in front of her, blocking her view. He saw her shiver and slid out of his cloak, draping it around Rose´s shoulders, immediately Rose leant against him, hiding her face at his chest.

After she´d left, or rather ran away, after their kiss, Remus hadn´t been sure how to approach her or if he should at all and better wait until Rose made the first step, but now she wrapped her arms around his middle and it was like always. With easy familiarity Remus embraced her and held her until she lifted her face to look up at him. A wave of tenderness washed over him as he saw her vulnerable expression. Softly he stroked her hair back and out of her face, gently grazing her cheek.

“Sirius is hurt,” Rose whispered, damning herself for feeling better with every second in Remus´ arms and even more for wishing Remus would bend down and kiss her and that despite she´d told Sirius there was nothing between herself and Remus.

“I know.” Remus sighed. “He threw me out and sent Kreacher with my stuff.”

Rose opened her mouth to say something, but Remus stopped her with placing his index finger over her lips. The soft touch was electrifying. Rose could feel it all through her body right down to the tips of her toes.

“We will talk about all of this. I think it´s important we do, but first we bring you away from here. You´re frozen and you need some tea.” With that he apparated them directly into the kitchen of the Burrow. The moment they materialised, Molly started fussing over Rose, placing plates with loads of food on the table and charming her into warmed socks and the newest Weasley jumper (this year a rich plum-colour with a golden butterfly embroidered on the front), all the while interrogating Remus what had taken him so long.

“Molly,” Arthur said, finally silencing his wife. “Rose had a long day and looks like she´s about to fall asleep any second. Give her some rest.”

With a sigh, Molly placed a hand over her heart and followed her husband out of the room, but not without glancing back and raising her eyebrows at Remus.

Rose slumped down on one chair and eyed the various plates of food wearily. Despite the fact that she hadn´t eaten anything the whole day, she was not really hungry and only nibbled listlessly on a piece of dry bread.

Remus sat down next to her, filling two mugs with tea and slid a chunk of chocolate over to Rose. She looked surprised up, but a smile spread over her face.

They sat for some time in silence, drinking tea and eating chocolate, but then the chocolate was eaten up to the last crump and Remus cleared his throat. However, Rose was faster.

“Kissing you made everything only more complicated,” she said first to the table then turned to look directly at Remus. “I wanted to talk to you, entangle what is between us but you kissed me and I,” she smiled anguished and with furrowed brow, “really liked it.” She drew a deep breath but already spoke again before Remus could reply. “I´m so confused by all of this. And I feel terrible for feeling so good when you´re with me. What am I to do now? What are **we** doing now with this? And what about Sirius?”

Remus leant back in his chair and frowned. “I will talk to Sirius when he had some time to calm down. For the rest,” he gazed briefly at Rose before standing up and bracing himself against the mantelpiece, “I know what I would wish for.”

“And that would be?” Rose asked, though guessing the answer already. She didn´t look at Remus, so they both faced opposite directions, but her heart took up speed, pressing her blood forcefully through her body, making it rush in her ears and drown out most other noises.

“I´d like to repeat this kiss and find out what this between us could become when given the chance to develop.”

Rose was silent for almost one minute then she stood up.

Remus heard the chair move across the floor and turned around. He and Rose looked at each other, Remus expectant, Rose thoughtful. It was silent around them. Only the steady dripping of the tap sounded through the room. For a moment somewhere in the Burrow was a muffled conversation but even that faded quickly.

Remus combed one hand through his hair, rubbing his neck and then took a step towards Rose, closing the distance she had left and cupped her face.

She´d so much feared and anticipated this moment the whole day. But against her fear it felt not odd at all as Remus bent down and pressed his lips on hers. Rose´s hands slid up to his chest. Her fingers flexed, holding and releasing his shirt in short succession, every doubt vanished. Being so close to Remus cleared what was tangled otherwise.

But then it was again Rose who broke the kiss. However, this time she didn´t push him away, only detached her lips from his and touched their foreheads together, their noses bumped lightly.

“We can´t do that,” Rose whispered, listening finally to the small voice of reason in her head. “Sirius would never forgive you if we´d start something. And Severus...What if Dumbledore manages to convince the Wizengamot to reconsider their sentence and he can come home? All of us would be hurt.”

Remus sighed and pulled away, though only far enough so he was able to look at Rose. “I understand your concerns and you´re certainly right. But still it won´t change what I feel,” he said, stroking her cheek, “but that´s ok. Maybe we should try to find some distance, rearrange our relationship.” Remus smiled, though it looked forced. And even though he spoke from distance, he didn´t loosen his arms around Rose and stroked soft circles into her skin.

“Rearrange our relationship...” Rose huffed and stepped away from Remus. “How should that work? Will we just pretend nothing happened? Ignore the whole school blathering about us? Everyone will watch our every step after this damned article!” Rose fell silent, shaking her head. She looked at Remus, veritably confused and oddly shaken by the whole situation and unexpected emotionality she felt. She wondered why it was suddenly so hard to act like she actually wanted to. She´d stood up to tell Remus that whatever had happened and whatever he might feel for her couldn´t be, but then she´d ended in his arms and she already wanted to be there again, despite knowing she shouldn´t want such things.

“I´m sorry,” she said and left the kitchen.

Crossing the living room to go upstairs, she found everyone sitting scattered across the room. It was so silent she was sure they all had heard her conversation. Snorting lowly, Rose avoided to look at anyone and hurried upstairs.

She was already in bed, the blanket pulled up to her nose, as the door opened and Hermione, Ron and Draco came in, swiftly followed by Ginny just as the others were about to close the door. But it was Ginny's room, so no one said anything.

"Rose, what is all this?" Draco asked, sounding miffed.

"Are you now with Remus?" Ron blurted.

"I'm not." Rose pulled the blanket higher, but Ginny simply seized it and pulled roughly.

"Stop hiding and tell us what's wrong, will you?"

"Why can't you leave me alone? I need to think about this whole mess and I can't when you´re sitting almost on my lap, pestering me with your stupid questions!" Rose glared at her friends, biting her tongue to keep herself from giving in to the urge to hex them.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Draco shot back, glaring equally.

"I don't know! Ok? **Everything** is wrong." Rose sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"Are you in love with Remus?" Ron asked again.

"Please go. Let me be...please..."

Exchanging glances, her friends did as asked and left, mumbling to each other. As soon as the door was closed, Rose fell backwards onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.


	10. Chapter 10

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Remus stayed at the Burrow too, making it all but easy for Rose to clear her mind and come to terms with what she felt. So given the close proximity, Rose made the best of it and stayed away as far as possible. Thankfully the whole bunch of Weasleys and their spouses filled up every corner of the anyway cramped house what meant hiding wasn´t that difficult.

Then, two days after Christmas, Remus thanked Molly with a warm hug and said he would return to Hogwarts. Rose, watching from the farthest corner of the kitchen, felt an unsettling jolt in her stomach. She was all about to jump up and run to him. Her mind already played a heart-breaking version of a presumed embrace and kiss as Remus nodded a last time across the room, not quite looking at her, and left through the backdoor.

At first Rose was relieved that Remus had left. She set her hopes it would become easier when he wasn´t close all the time. Though, as it turned out, that wasn´t the case, not at all. After his departure, she couldn´t stop thinking about him anymore not even for just a minute. And so she sat a great deal of the holidays alone in a corner, avoiding everyone and brooded silently. But the more she thought about Remus and how they should find common ground again the farther she seemed away from an answer. Adding to her jumbled mind was the fact that she felt a little under the weather ever since Remus had left, not that she thought those two things were connected, no, but it didn´t change the fact that she felt not well. Molly finally gave her some pepper-up the morning of the second day in January, but the feeling of becoming ill remained.

The only distraction for Rose from her mood was Tonks´ obvious crush on Bill and, going hand in hand with it, Fleur´s more than pissed reaction to it. Though Rose was not sure how she ultimately ended up with an emotionally unsettled Tonks on her bed, whining about the unfairness of life.

“Why is it always women like Fleur who get the good men?” Tonks let her head dangle over the edge of the mattress, her feet propped up at the wall and her nowadays rather plain, at least for Tonks´ usually preferred style, chestnut coloured hair brushed over the floor.

Rose sat cross-legged next to Tonks´ head, turning to look at her. “She´s beautiful **and** clever **and** part Veela, no ordinary mortal has a chance against her.”

“Yeah,” Tonks said bitter and turned around to lie on her belly. She curled her lips from one side to the other, frowning at Rose for so long that Rose finally huffed annoyed.

“What?”

“You and Remus, hm?”

“No. I and Severus.”

“Ok. You and Severus **and** you and Remus.”

Rose kept silent, even though she felt all of a sudden irritable with the topic and the queasiness in the pit of her stomach rose to new heights. She breathed deeply in and slowly out and looked away.

“I always wondered why Remus would ditch me and then still be such a sissy about being with Sirius,” Tonks mused.

Rose who just had sipped on her tea spit half of it on the floor and choked on the other half. Coughing and with teary eyes, she croaked, “You and Remus?”

Tonks chuckled and slapped Rose´s back until her coughing fit had stopped.

“Yeah, me and Remus. It never was something really serious, only a distraction for both of us, actually. But it was nice even though just brief.”

“Wow…ok. When was that?” Rose cleared her throat a last time, brushing tears from her face. She just couldn´t imagine that Remus ever had a thing for Tonks. Really, she seemed not to be his type. Then again, what was his type actually? And anyway why did it bother her that much with whom Remus had been together?

Tonks didn´t seem to notice Rose´s annoyance about her thoughts and just answered the question with casual ease.

“After the whole Ministry thing and you squashed Voldemort and so.” Tonks nodded, smiling softly as she apparently thought back to that time.

Rose shook confused her head as she tried to bring everything into a chronological order and tried to get rid of the nagging thought if Remus had been often with Tonks whenever he had been out on a mission for the order.

“But I thought he had already feelings for Sirius at this time.”

“He had. I saw their looks too, you know, but for the moment Remus had made his decision for me and that was enough. I had no reason to be jealous. And I was sure Sirius was the reason he ended that between us, but when I saw the article and the picture of you and him I remembered something he said and I think I understand it now.”

Rose´s eyebrows crawled slowly higher as she stared at Tonks and waited impatiently for her to go on.

“See, there was this evening. He´d asked me to go for a walk and I already knew he would tell me something I´d hoped to postpone just a little longer. We went into a nearby park and sat on this bench at the pond. And then he told me he wants to stop seeing me, because he had developed feelings for someone else and even though those feelings were difficult and he had no idea where it would lead him it was still unfair towards me and he wouldn´t want to hurt me and that I'd deserve a man who loves me properly.”

Rose couldn´t help but smile. That was so typically Remus it almost hurt. But then she frowned.

“I don´t understand what that has to do with me. That was the problem between Remus and Sirius, wasn´t it? Remus was afraid to love Sirius because he feared he would destroy their friendship.”

Tonks hummed and nodded. “I laughed and said I would know already for ages that he has a crush on my cousin. But Remus stopped staring holes into the ice on the pond and stared instead at me as if I´d said something extraordinary dumb. I wasn´t sure why he looked so spooked and asked if I had it gotten all wrong with his feelings for Sirius. Only then he stopped frowning and stuttered this and that, finally admitting that yes, it was Sirius. Gosh, I never gave it a second thought back then. I mean it fit perfectly, but now I think his confusion and hesitation was because he didn´t mean Sirius but you, though he couldn´t admit it then.”

Rose blinked. Her heart started racing at a gallop through her chest. “Jeez, Tonks. That is ridiculous because that would mean that everything between us...I mean, that was over a year ago.”

“Aye, quite right.” Tonks cocked her head and grinned. “The longer I think about it, I'm getting quite sure he meant you. I mean you had already become rather close at this point. And there was the way he looked at you…He still looks at you like that.” She grinned self-satisfied but stopped as she saw Rose´s unhappy expression, adding quickly, “But then, what do I know? I´m the one who fell in love with a married man and tries to flirt with him in front of his wife.” She tilted sideways and sprawled on the floor, returning to her own misery and ignored Rose and her thoughts which were now even more confused than ever before.


	11. Chapter 11

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The journey back to Hogwarts was surprisingly quiet. Though, loads of people stared at Rose, confirming how many indeed read the Daily Prophet, but she stayed all the time between her friends until they had settled down into a compartment. Hermione charmed the windows to turn dark and shielded them this way from further goggling. Only then, Rose relaxed back into her seat.

“I don´t want to go back,” she said, staring out of the window as the Hogwarts Express jolted into movement.

Like so often the last days, her friends kept quiet and only exchanged glances. Rose ignored them and closed her eyes. She drifted in and out of sleep for almost the complete journey. Only half an hour before they´d arrive at Hogsmeade Station, she opened her eyes and sat up.

“Woah, she´s alive,” Ron cheered and chuckled as Rose pulled a face.

“Not sure about that. She looks more undead than alive,” Draco snipped and narrowed his eyes briefly at Rose.

“Shut up, Malfoy,” she grumbled and turned to change into her students´ robes.

“You´re really a pain in the ass, Potter!” Draco stood in front of her with his hands on his hips and glared at her as she poked her head out of her robes.

Rose swallowed. “Draco…I´m sorry. I know you think I´m a silly bitch, but what happened...”

“Yes, things simply tend to happen around you, I know.” Draco growled lowly and then hugged Rose tightly and completely unexpected. “I´m sorry, too, for snapping at you. It´s just really fucked up.”

“I know,” Rose whispered and squeezed Draco before stepping back.

She looked from Draco to Hermione and Ron, glimpsing at Ginny at last.

“I´m sorry. I was terrible the last days. But I needed the time to think about all of this.”

“We understand that,” Hermione said. “But you could´ve talked with us too, maybe we´d been able to give your thoughts a new direction.”

Rose sighed deeply. She doubted that anything her friends could have said would´ve helped her much.

***

“Rose! Honestly! Why haven´t you told me?” Lavender shouted as soon as Rose and the others had made the first step into the entrance hall. Rose stopped and peered at Lavender who grinned manically.

“I mean honestly, first Snape now Lupin…You´re a really bad girl, Rosy. And I hate you a little that you denied everything and then it turns out to be true after all,” Lavender spluttered and giggled as she linked her arm with Rose´s and dragged her towards the Great Hall for dinner.

“It´s not like that,” Rose said as Lavender steered her towards a seat.

“Ah, don´t give me that. This picture from you and Lupin, it´s so unmistakeable even you can´t whitewash that.”

“But…”

“No, it´s fine. You actually saved my holidays because it occupied everyone over the whole time and we had plenty to talk about.” Lavender winked.

Rose snorted, but her attention was already at the Head Table.

Remus and Sirius were both there but sat as far apart as possible and Sirius avoided studiously gazing even in the rough direction of Remus. Then Rose spotted someone new. A young man with muddy brown hair sat at Dumbledore´s right side, looking a little nervous around the room.

“You think that is the new Potions teacher?” Hermione whispered.

Rose flinched. She hadn´t noticed that Hermione had taken the chair behind her.

“Must be,” she replied darkly.

“Oh by Merlin…Steven?” Lavender gasped and caught Rose´s attention.

“Steven?”

“My boyfriend.”

“That is…Honestly?” Rose turned to Hermione, making big eyes. They all had heard more than enough about the fabulous Steven, but this bloke over there seemed rather unfitting for Lavender´s speeches of praise. And now he had spotted them and waved with a toothy grin. Lavender waved back, her cheeks colouring a soft pink.

“He said he´d have a surprise. Guess that´s it,” she said with a longing sigh and smiled at Steven.

Rose rolled her eyes.

“Students!” Dumbledore called then and all around the chattering stopped. “Welcome back to everyone. I hope you had an amazing time with your dearest.” He beamed at the students but then his face grew serious. “Before we start, I have to announce that you have a new Potions Professor. Please welcome Professor Cooper.” He gestured with a dispassionate wave of his hand to the man.

Only a few students clapped politely and even the teachers seemed to do so only half-hearted and reluctant. Dumbledore gazed briefly at Rose, who thought he looked somewhat apologetic, before he sat back down and the food appeared.

Lavender didn´t stop talking about Steven once, not even as Rose threatened to hex her into muteness. In the end they all were released as Lavender jumped up after dinner and hurried over to her oh so wonderful boyfriend. Lavender and Steven spoke with each other and then they went to Dumbledore, leaving with him after having exchanged a few words.

Rose looked after them and shook her head, but, turning towards the Head Table again, her eyes met Remus´. He still sat on his seat, looking at her. Rose kept barely from flinching, as stupid as it was, but his gaze said so clearly what he wanted from her that Rose felt momentarily unwell which increased as Remus got ready to stand up and walk over. Gladly, or not, depending on how one wished to look at it, Rose was rescued by her friends.

“Rose, we have to talk,” Pansy said with a sweet grin, linking her arm with Rose´s and steering her out of the Great Hall, followed by the remaining little crowd of friends from different houses.

“Where are you dragging me?” Rose asked as Pansy made no move to let go of her and still dictated the direction.

“Somewhere.”

Rose grumbled indignantly but refrained from asking anew, knowing perfectly well she wouldn´t get a satisfying answer.

Five minutes later the group reached the hidden garden where Hermione had brought her the last time. Unhappy Rose glanced around and was met by mostly neutral faces.

“Twenty minutes until curfew, hurry up.” Pansy crossed her arms in front of her chest and tapped her foot with an air of impatience on the snowy ground and nodded to Rose to get started.

But Rose only frowned. “Gosh, what do you want from me?”

“We thought you´re with Professor Snape,” Blaise said coolly.

 “But the picture in the Prophet looked as if you´ve already found a replacement,” Neville added, mumbling lowly as if ashamed to say anything at all to the topic.

“Do you love Professor Lupin?” Luna watched Rose with big, almost unblinking eyes.

Rose swallowed a biting remark for everyone and instead leant against the hedge. Her head sunk a little into the bush as she let it fall back and some snow slipped into her collar. Surprisingly the cold helped gather her thoughts, she shook her head.

“It´s not like that. I love Severus. You have no idea how much I miss him and how confused I am at the moment. I know how this looks like, but I can´t explain it. This just happened. But whatever this is between me and Remus, I don´t plan to act on it or give it any more thought than absolutely necessary.”

“So you want to ignore your feelings?” Hermione asked, frowning deeply.

“Well...” Rose pouted. “Can we now stop with this stupid interrogation?” Without waiting for an answer Rose brushed past her friends and hurried back inside the castle.

It was just her luck that she met Remus after hurtling around a corner, the one leading to the corridor where his quarters were. It was a mystery for Rose how she always ended there. She stopped dead and so did he. They were still too far apart as to talk in normal voice and Remus made a tentative step forwards, most likely to come into conversation reach. Rose almost panicked and was all about to run away as Remus spoke.

“Please, don´t run away from me.” He took several steps towards her and paused about two metres from Rose.

He was so close. She´d only have to take a step and extend her hand and she could touch him. Her hand twitched.

Gods, she had to leave. Obviously it wasn´t any clever idea to stay in his proximity, still she remained where she was and blurted, “How long do you already have feelings for me?”

Remus seemed at a loss as how to answer this question.

“I spoke with Tonks. She told me about you and her. She thinks you broke up with her because you started feeling attracted to me. Is that true?” Rose watched him with unsure, slightly worried expression. She had no idea if she really wanted to know the truth. Would it make everything worse?

“It´s some time now,” Remus confessed eventually, his shoulders sacked down as he exhaled heavily. “Can´t we talk about this somewhere more private?”

Rose shook her head. They hadn´t been disturbed since they stood there, curfew was close anyway. Chances were slim that a student came across them and she felt safer in the corridor than she would in his office or his quarters. Safer from being led to something she´d ruled out to do.

Remus exhaled in a low sigh. “I can´t pinpoint an exact date but it must have been around the time you came to me to talk about your feelings for Severus.”

Rose´s eyes widened, so Tonks had been right.

“I wasn´t exactly jealous, but I didn´t like the thought of you with someone else either. Recognising this I thought it unfair towards Nymphadora and ended our relationship.”

“And started a relationship with Sirius instead.”

Remus smiled ruefully. “Let me rephrase. What I had with Nymphadora was never meant to last. She was there when I needed someone to hold on to and she knew this. She also knew I had feelings for Sirius. It was she who helped me see that I want to give him and me a try. For you…I felt drawn to you, but let´s be honest, you wouldn´t have changed your mind and tried to forget Severus if I´d told you about my infatuation. So there was never an either-or-decision to make.” Remus quirked his eyebrows, gazing challenging at Rose.

“Right.” She shook her head in agreement, pondering this new information. “Why now?”

“Because my feelings for you changed over the last year and didn´t peter out as I´d expected. I know the timing is more than questionable, but I can´t help it.”

“Me neither. I don´t want you to be hurt because of me. I´m hurt enough for more than both of us, but I can´t pursue something between us. This is no question of if I want to or not. I simply can´t.” Rose took a step backwards, not trusting herself not to close the distance and seek comfort in Remus´ embrace.

“It is as it is. I won´t try to change your mind. I´m still there for you if you need someone to talk to or even just for tea, just that you know.” Remus held her gaze for a little moment then he smiled sadly and walked away.

Rose stayed where she was unable to calm her thoughts or sooth her aching heart. It felt as if she was losing Remus, as if everything she´d had with him was about to shatter beyond repair. Right now she wished she´d never found out about his feelings for her because then everything still would be as it had been and she never would´ve had to acknowledge her own confusing amount of feelings for him.


	12. Chapter 12

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Together with her classmates, Rose entered the Potions classroom on Monday morning, expectant what would await her. But for the first fifteen minutes nothing at all awaited anyone, only then the new teacher jogged into the room.

“Ah, morning! Has no one told you? Well, apparently not…” He ruffled his hair, grinning. “I spoke with the Headmaster and he agreed to relocate the Potions lessons into a nicer setting. You won´t have to endure this dreadful, dark hole any longer.” His grin widened. “Follow me.”

Rose stood up and everyone else gazed at her. “And what if we like this ‘dreadful, dark hole’?” she asked defiantly.

Cooper´s expression got confused for the blink of an eye but then an excited smile flashed over his face. “Miss Rose Potter! What an honour to finally meet you.” With four long strides he crossed the room and grasped Rose´s hands, both of them, in his and shook them. “Such a shame we have to meet under these circumstances, but still an honour. Yes, indeed.”

Rose´s expression twisted into something one could not even with much good will call a nice smile. “Nice to meet you too…But as I tried to communicate, we would very much appreciate to stay in this room for our lessons.” She tugged her hands from his grip, which was unpleasantly damp, and only barely refused to wipe them on her robes. Now from so close she noticed that Cooper had muddy brown eyes, matching his hair, but with yellowish speckles scattered around the pupil. His eyes stood a little too close together for her liking and he had slightly protruding ears. She really wouldn´t go so far as to call him handsome. Lavender, though, always spoke about him as if he´d be wonderful prince charming.

“Well,” Cooper said, clearly considering her words. “You are very attached to this dungeon, aren´t you? I´ll think about it, but for now I´d like you to follow me nonetheless. We won´t start brewing right away. I first want to get to know you.” With that he turned to the door again and left.

Rose raised one eyebrow, mumbling, “Idiot,” and finally wiped her hands in her pockets.

“Come on, give him a chance. Maybe he isn´t that bad,” Hermione said and pushed Rose into movement, the other students following them.

Twenty minutes later even Hermione had a deep frown on her face as Cooper tried to encourage them into yet another game to “get to know each other”. For this he had prepared a Quaffel. They had to throw the ball to a classmate and with the touch a question appeared which the student had to answer and then throw the ball to another classmate. No one seemed excited about that and very soon they stopped throwing the ball, gazing at each other with miffed expressions.

“Oh, come on, at least two questions for everyone,” Cooper said and smiled around.

“Honestly, that´s ridiculous,” Draco snipped. “We´re seventeen not seven, could we now stop this rubbish and start with a serious lesson?”

Cooper´s smile faltered and flickered briefly into an annoyed expression, but then he nodded. “Very well, back to the dungeon. I want you to write down what you have done in Potions so far, starting with year one.”

Disgruntled muttering sounded throughout the room.

“Professor?” Hermione asked politely. “Certainly someone gave you the curriculum for each year, so why…”

“You asked for a serious task, so here it is. Go and get started!”

“Not so bad, hm?” Rose muttered. Her initial feeling seemed to be confirmed.

***

Rose had almost forgotten about the moon while she ranted in recurring waves about Cooper for the rest of the day, but after Herbology, she saw Remus hasten over the grounds and towards the Whomping Willow. Rose stopped and looked after him, a dull ache pulsing through her with every beat of her heart.

Even over the distance Remus looked troubled. Rose peered up at the sky but a blanket of clouds hid the moon. Automatically she turned to Hermione who muttered, “Condicio luna.”

A soft glow in the sky told them that the moon was almost completely risen what explained Remus' hurry perfectly well, but only kindled Rose´s worry. What happened if he wouldn´t reach the Shrieking Shack before he transformed? Would he then come back and run free over Hogwarts´ grounds?

Slowly, all the time lagging behind, Rose followed her friends up to the castle as a long howl, too close to come from the Shack, sounded across the lawn and answered her question if Remus had made it through the tunnel.

Rose made a step towards the sound, but Draco grabbed her arm.

“Are you mental?” he hissed and pulled on Rose, dragging her with him inside the castle where already Professor McGonagall waited in the portal.

“Students! Hurry!” she shouted, waving frantically at the last stragglers.

Rose turned in the portal just as something big emerged from under the willow. The beast shook its fur and stretched and then halted, nose lifted into the air, obviously sniffing. Ever so slowly it turned towards the castle.

Even over the distance Remus looked much better than in her third year, healthier and even more vicious. Rose shuddered.

“Get away!” Sirius barked and ran past them just as the werewolf made an enormous jump and started with long strides towards the castle. Sirius approached quickly, changing into the big black dog without even stopping and collided with Remus full speed.

“What are you doing?” Professor McGonagall shrieked and grabbed Rose´s sleeve before she´d managed to slip out of the castle. “Are you so desperate for death?”

Rose swallowed. She hadn´t thought about that, she only wanted to make sure that both Remus and Sirius were all right.

“Go to your common room,” McGonagall demanded and sealed the portal with a series of complicated spells. She turned towards the closest suit of armour. “Guard this portal until I tell you otherwise. No one is to leave tonight.”

***

“Your boyfriend is a noob,” Seamus said. He stood in front of Lavender and his gaze dared her to deny it but of course Lavender rose immediately to the challenge.

“You just don´t know him like I do. And why is it his fault that Lupin can´t manage to leave a conversation when he´s in a hurry?”

“So it´s Lupin´s fault?” Ron asked loudly and gave Lavender a disbelieving look.

“At least it´s not Steven´s. He only tried to offer help, but now he´s the one who has to talk to Dumbledore.”

“Let her talk,” Hermione whispered and pulled on Ron´s arm. “Let´s better go and find Rose. It won´t do if she hears Lavender whinging about her boyfriend.”

Hermione, Ron and Draco left the common room together and started their search for Rose, though they hadn´t to look for long until they found her hanging around the corridor to the infirmary.

“Rose.” Hermione waved.

“Oh, hey…it´s you…” Rose glimpsed over her shoulder at the closed doors to Madam Pomfrey´s realm.

“Have you visited them?” Ron asked, following her gaze.

“No…Dumbledore is in there, I wanted to talk to him, actually.”

Her friends exchanged looks but didn´t comment.

“So…You plan to wait here?” Draco asked, adding, “It´s almost time for dinner.”

“I know…I´m not hungry.”

“What?” Ron whirled around and gasped. “You can´t skip food. What a silly idea. Come on, I know what you need now.” He grabbed Rose´s arm and dragged her along, away from the infirmary.

***

“Dobby!” Ron shouted after entering the kitchen.

Immediately the elf buzzled over and bowed excited. Ron ordered treacle tarte, Rose´s favourite, and soup and tea.

“What? Mom always says soup and tea heal almost everything and sweets are just the cherry on top to lift the mood,” he explained with a shrug as he saw Hermione´s and Draco´s bewildered expressions.

“Ron, that´s nice, really, but I´m not in the mood for food. Not even treacle tarte. I´d prefer to be alone if I´m honest.” Rose gave Ron a small smile and brief peck on the cheek before she disappeared into the corridor.

***

The next day before classes Hermione pulled Rose aside, sizing her up critically.

“Did you sleep in Snape´s quarters again?”

“You know where I´ve been. I´m pretty sure you checked the map.”

“You look unwell.” Hermione´s critical expression softened.

Rose frowned then nodded. “I haven´t slept much and I´m feeling a little rough since Christmas.” She shrugged it off. “It´s maybe only the weather and all the other rubbish which seems to be my life.”

“You should go and see Madam Pomfrey.”

“You mean I should go and look how Remus and Sirius are doing…”

“That too.” Hermione grinned, unconcerned about having been obvious. “I know you want to see them, especially Remus.”

“First of all I´m feeling not sick so I don´t need to see Madam Pomfrey and then no. Simply no. I don´t want to go and look after them.”

***

On Thursday, Remus was back in class and seemed well enough, even though a bit paler than usual after a full moon. Rose had tried to talk her way out of attending the lesson but Hermione gave her a McGonagall-worthy tight-lipped scowl and dragged her along.

Rose quietly acquiesced to her fate.

“I´m sorry for what has happened and I can´t tell you how relieved I am that everyone reacted so quickly and nothing worse could happen to anyone of you,” Remus started the lesson, glancing uncertain and clearly uneasy at the students, hands deeply buried in his teaching robes.

No one said a word until Ron cleared his throat. “Nothing happened, so no need to make a bigger deal out of it than it is, right? You´re still you.”

Remus flashed him a thankful smile and clearly relaxed as the other students agreed with Ron, though Remus´ eyes scurried again and again to Rose who stared intently down at her desk, chewing on her bottom lip.

***

“Rose you should talk to Remus,” Hermione said and climbed on the bed next to Rose. “You can´t keep avoiding him. Not only because it´s unhealthy for you, but Remus looked rather heartbroken when you left after the lesson without even having looked at him just once.”

“We have talked and there is nothing else to say.” Rose was not a bit eager to discuss this now. Seeing Remus in class today had been difficult enough and had thrown her right into the next crisis. She´d been so sure she could find a way to ignore the knowledge about his feelings for her and then find a way to return to being at ease around him. But she´d had to acknowledge that it was far more difficult than she´d expected. Maybe if she wouldn´t feel anything for him…But she had to admit that this was the case and today, being only two metres something away from him, had been unexpected difficult.

“Rose?” Hermione asked. “You do have feelings for him, don´t you?” Hermione slid closer and curled one arm around Rose.

“Of course I have feelings for him. He´s part of my family.”

“I mean, you´re in love with him.”

Rose sniffed. “Gods, Hermione. Why is that happening? It´s as if someone´s messing with my head. One moment Remus is just Remus and the next I can´t get him out of my head.”

“Why ever, you can´t go on like this. Remus is hurting and you are too.”

“That´s my experience with love. It hurts always.” Rose chuckled sarcastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> condicio luna - position/condition of the moon


	13. Chapter 13

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Friday morning was grey and cold. It had started raining overnight and so all what was left from the previously white glittering snow was a muddy mess and big puddles.

The weather was not getting better over the course of the day, lowering everyone´s mood, but Rose´s mood dropped further as she entered the Potions classroom after lunch and Cooper sat with smug grin behind Severus´ desk, feet propped up on the table top and chewed calmly on a sugar quill. She usually tried not to be superficial but with Cooper she couldn´t help it. He made her skin crawl just from being in the same room and the way he looked at her was definitely creepy. So she really couldn´t say that she liked him much.

“Come in, come in. Based on your lists from Monday I prepared a little test to see where we have to improve your knowledge,” he said cheerfully and waved lazily with his wand. A stack of papers rose into the air and floated over to Rose, hovering in front of her face, even when she turned away.

“Rose, my dear, would you, please?” Cooper grinned sweetly.

Rose arched one eyebrow. She eyed the floating papers pointedly and then looked around the room. It shouldn´t be too difficult to just let them fly to everyone instead of bothering her, should it?

“I´m not your dear. Sir,” she said, putting special emphasize on the “sir” and sat down.

Cooper´s grin dissolved quickly as Rose made not the smallest attempt to take the tests and hand them out to her classmates.

“Very well,” he snapped and stood up, throwing the sugar quill into the bin. With a flick of his wand the tests distributed themselves. “You have half an hour, starting now.”

For the first five minutes Cooper only watched the students then he started strolling through the rows, peering over shoulders and making small noises no one knew what to make of. As he reached Rose, he bent further down than before.

“Between us,” he murmured, “the werewolf seems to be the better choice out of the two. Not much, though, but then everything is better than a Death Eater, isn´t it?”

Rose´s head snapped around. Cooper grinned and winked before he proceeded to the next student.

“I don´t think that´s any of your business,” Rose said to his back, alerting everyone in the room. But before she could say more, most likely something she would regret later, Hermione had touched her arm and shook her head.

“Don´t give him the satisfaction to rile you up.”

Cooper eyed Rose with amusement and started his prowl through the class anew. At his second stop behind Rose, she was just finished with her test, scribbling her name in the left topmost corner.

Cooper accepted the paper. His gaze lingered on Rose then he made half a step towards her, whispering, “If you´re ever tired of monsters and scum I have a nice cousin. I could arrange a meeting.”

Rose didn´t think at all about her reaction. She tore her arm into the air and slapped Cooper, hard enough that it resounded through the dungeon. In her head raged a storm of all the things she wanted to say to this conceited little shit, but none of it found its way out of her mouth. She was too wrought-up to form any coherent sentence and so shoved an utterly perplexed Cooper aside and stormed out of the room, ignoring her friends´ calls.

***

Severus´ study was cold and dark, but Rose didn’t bother and sank down in his armchair, pulling her legs up and wound her arms around them.

What did this bloated arse think who he was? Which right had he to insult Severus and Remus and then even tell her she´d be better off with someone else, a relative of his of all people. Such and many similar thoughts crossed her mind while she sat in the darkness, ignoring readily each knock at the door. Thankfully she´d known how to reactivate the wards.

At some point her friends stopped banging and shouting and silence returned, blanketing everything and seemed heavier in the darkness than it would have in one of the lofty towers of the castle.

The sudden green light, as the fireplace flared into live, made Rose jump and draw her wand on instinct. Her heart raced in her chest, pumping adrenaline through her body.

“Woah,” Remus said as he stepped out of the fireplace, spotting Rose in the seconds before the fire died down as fast as it had grown. He held both hands up, palms facing away from him.

Rose took a deep breath and turned the lights on before she lowered her wand again.

Remus let his hands fall to his sides and gazed at Rose, strikingly obvious unsure what to do. In a hushed voice he said, “Your friends almost destroyed my office door. They are worried about you.”

Rose gazed back. “Cooper is an arse,” she muttered.

“Well, Hermione told me what he said. Still, slapping him wasn´t all too clever. You will have to see the Headmaster for this. Soon.”

Rose nodded. She and Remus hadn´t once broken their gazes and it became blindingly clear for Rose that she most likely would lose this fight against herself. She couldn´t deny her feelings and she missed Remus and everything that had been so easy between them before, like his embraces, the casual touches, their conversations, in short everything they´d had.

She made a tentative step forwards. She wanted so badly to be in his arms, it was ridiculous how much.

Remus´ gaze became more alert as Rose drew closer and then he was startled after all as she flung herself into his arms, embracing him and pressing herself as close as was somehow possible. 

“What do we do?” she mumbled close at his heart and closed her eyes as Remus returned the embrace, holding her gently but firmly in his arms. Right now it seemed so easy. Why shouldn´t she be with Remus? Be with him and be loved, feel warm and secure and not alone.

She looked up, confused by her thoughts, and saw so many emotions mirrored in Remus´ eyes, his soft brown eyes with the crinkles at the corners. Remus moved ever so slightly, dipping his head a fraction. Rose swallowed in anticipation, but then acknowledged all of a sudden where they were and stepped away. Remus frowned confused, even a little hurt, but understood obviously because he nodded.

“Not here,” she whispered, breaking the silence.

“But somewhere else?” Remus asked, a trace of hope shining in his words.

Rose licked over her lips, immediately pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing on it.

It was madness how much she wanted to kiss him, wanted him to kiss her. She couldn´t stop thinking about it ever since they had kissed at the lake before Christmas. But there was this tiny voice in the back of her mind that told her she shouldn´t want that, however, it got smaller with each day.

Remus waited but as Rose made no attempt of saying anything, he took a pinch of Floo Powder and threw it into the fireplace, activating the Floo. Rose almost thought he would simply leave as he took hold of her hand and pulled her with him through the flames. The second they emerged on the other side, Remus pulled Rose into his arms. He hesitated a split-second but then he kissed her.

His mouth was soft but demanding at the same time while his tongue darted out and between Rose´s parted lips, licking inside her mouth. And all Rose was able to do was grasp Remus´ robes, clutch on his shoulders and kiss back as a flood of emotions and sensations crushed down on her and washed away any thoughts, at least for the moment.

Remus´ lips were soft and sweet. He tasted like tea and chocolate and Rose wished she could stay in this fraction of time forever, without worries or sorrows.

But Remus parted his lips from her and pulled slightly away, though he didn´t loosen his hold around her waist.

Rose closed her eyes. The spell was broken as soon as she´d lost the connection to his lips and immediately her thoughts ran wild. She leant her forehead against Remus´ chest. She wanted to stay in his arms, she wanted and needed his closeness, but she didn´t want to see him and have to think about all those antagonistic emotions coursing through her. She didn´t want to occupy herself with the question of the true meaning of her feelings. Though Remus didn’t let her hide and lifted her head again, softly pressing his hand under her chin until she looked at him.

Whatever he saw in her face it twisted his own expression into an apologetic, regretful mask. “I´m sorry. I shouldn´t have…” He let go of Rose, taking a step back. “I took advantage of you. Again. I´m sorry.”

Rose sighed, a deeply felt release of air and bottled-up anxiety, the result of too much brooding in too short a time. “No. Don´t apologise. Look, this is just so complicated, but I…I can´t say I don´t like it or that I regret it. Truth is, I missed you. I never acknowledged how much your closeness means to me and how much I need all of it, all those little touches, every embrace, those small kisses to the corner of my mouth, all of it. I thought we could stay away from each other for some time and then everything would somehow return to normal, but it won´t. And it frightens me.”

Remus nodded, solemnly. He crossed his office and leant against his desk, his hands on either side of him. He didn´t look at Rose as he spoke, gazing at a spot on the floor a few steps in front of him. “Tell me what you want me to do and I´ll do it. Should I leave you alone? Should I kiss you again? Should I leave completely?” He lifted his head, eyes searching for and finding Rose´s.

Rose stared at Remus. He couldn´t in all honesty think about leaving, could he?

“No.” Rose had to clear her throat because her voice was rough and shaky. “Don´t leave. I don´t want you to leave Hogwarts because of me.”

Remus nodded again and waited, but Rose kept silent for two long minutes. What was it she really wanted? There was no doubt that she felt good with Remus. She craved his touch, even now. Her gaze flitted through the room, returning every now and then to Remus but finally stopped at the calendar at the left side of Remus´ desk. She paled as she saw the little red marker, pointing at the current date.

January, 9th.

“Rose?” Remus asked as he saw her paling.

“It´s his birthday,” she whispered. “And I haven´t really thought about him all day because all I can think about is you.” Rose slung her arms around her chest, hugging herself tightly.

Remus closed his eyes briefly, a low groan rumbled in his throat and he was already at Rose´s side as he acknowledged that she turned away from him. He took half a step back again, rubbing at his nape.

“We can´t do that.” Rose backed away until she reached the door. She peered at Remus all the time and fumbled blindly for the handle.

“I´m sorry, Rose. I wish it wouldn´t be so complicated between us now.” Remus sounded close to tears, his expression dejected and his shoulders slumped.

Rose inclined her head as she looked at him, asking, “Do you know what Severus said to me in the court room? He told me not to grieve for too long and to move on and be happy. I never considered I could be happy without him. But here I am, only a month after they took him from me, and can´t help but think that you and I could be good together. Can you imagine what that does to me? Do you never think this is wrong? Did you think just once about what it does to Sirius?”

“All the time,” Remus said lowly. “Don´t make me a heartless person. I´m not. But Sirius chose to end our relationship. I didn´t want him to do this. I begged him to stay. I hate to lose him, no matter how insane that seems given what happened between you and me and what I want from you.”

“He won´t come back?” Rose leant against the door. This whole mess grew and got worse with every day.

“We spoke while we were in the infirmary and he said he can´t stand to know that I have feelings for you.” Remus inclined his head. He hadn´t wanted to tell Rose like that and when she was actually about to leave him too.

“But he loves you.” It sounded childishly naïve even in her own ears.

“I think that doesn´t matter.” Remus let out a long breath. He ducked his head, shaking it as he saw Rose´s expression, haunted and miserable. “Don´t think this is solely because of what happened between us. It isn´t. It was always one of our bigger issues that I´m not queer.”

Rose made a noncommittal sound then said, “I´m sorry because of Sirius. But it…”

“Yeah,” Remus interrupted her softly. “It won´t change your point of view or silence your doubts.” After a brief pause in which Rose started again chewing on her bottom lip he added, “You should better go now.”


	14. Chapter 14

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Dumbledore sent a note to Rose to come to his office after dinner. As she did so, Remus and Cooper were already there, ignoring each other while Dumbledore stroked seemingly absent-minded over Fawkes fiery feathers. Though, he turned immediately as the door opened.

“Rose. Good.” He nodded and gestured to everyone to take a seat. “I hear there are problems between you and Professor Cooper and…”

“She slapped me!” Cooper groused.

“Mister Cooper, I prefer to finish my sentences!” Dumbledore gazed coldly over his spectacles. “This is already the second time in only one week that you are in my office. I remember very well that you already spent more than enough of your school time here explaining yourself. And even if you think otherwise, for today´s events, you are no less guilty. I learned from several students what you said to provoke Rose´s reaction and even though I don´t support her behaviour, I can´t find it in me to hold it against her. If you can´t keep your thoughts to yourself I am forced to see to disciplinary measurements.” Dumbledore turned his gaze towards Rose. “As for you, even though I might understand what brought you to your action I can´t tolerate such behaviour. You´ll have detention. I´ll notify you about time and date.” He nodded seriously.

Rose glanced at Cooper who, though admonished, grinned happily about Rose´s punishment.

“Mister Cooper, you may go. Remus, Rose, would you stay behind, please?” Dumbledore asked and glimpsed at the corner of his desk where the Daily Prophet lay, the one with the picture of Rose and Remus.

Cooper flashed them a smug grin as he´d turned his back on Dumbledore and then left with light steps.

“Albus,” Remus started but Dumbledore already cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“I don´t care what you two are doing. You are both adults and as long as you are happy with the outcome it isn´t my business. However, should it affect the school routine in any kind then I will and have to interfere. I won´t allow a public conflict between you and Sirius.” He looked at them with a sharp, appraising gaze. “Good evening,” he said, jerking his head in a curt nod.

Rose struggled to keep her mouth from hanging open as she stared at Dumbledore´s retreating back. She´d never before seen him so cold and dismissive. In her confusion she turned to Remus who only gestured to the door and led the way downstairs.

“Is he angry?” Rose asked as soon as they stepped from the staircase and past the Gargoyle which also seemed to look grumpier than usual, jumping back into place barely after Rose had left the last step.

“I wouldn´t say that, but I think he´s unhappy with us.”

Rose noted that Remus reached out to her but pulled his hand back the last second, frowning. She took a breath as if to say something but she didn´t know what to say what she hadn´t said already and closed her mouth again. The wish or need of Remus embracing her became stronger with every second.

“Good night,” she said quickly and took a step back.

Remus only smiled thinly before he disappeared with long strides.

***

“Rose!” Ginny shouted from the opposite side of the common room as Rose stepped inside, head hanging low. The red-head scurried over, a big grin on her face. “We´re practising tomorrow, you want to come? Ever since you left everyone whines about my management style and I really need someone competent to back me up there. At least once.”

Rose recognised immediately that it was only an attempt to cheer her up, but miraculously it seemed to work because alone the prospect of flying, not so much playing Quidditch but being on a broom for some time, lifted her mood considerably. She glanced at the other team members, who all nodded enthusiastically, and smirked. “Yeah, of course.”

The damper to her mood, though, came already the next morning. She had her broom shouldered and chatted animatedly with the Gryffindor Quidditch team as Seamus headed her off.

“Rose, wait. Here, from Professor Dumbledore.” He gave her a small roll of parchment and already turned towards Dean without really looking at her.

Rose heaved a sigh and resisted the urge to shove the note away and open it after the practise. Though, this was from Dumbledore, so she looked inside and stopped grinning. “Perfect,” she muttered. “I have detention. Now.” With drastically decreased mood but the sympathetic words of her housemates, she walked up to Dumbledore´s office.

Dumbledore still seemed slightly disgruntled and only nodded his acknowledgement of Rose´s presence. But Charlie beamed for two and hugged Rose fiercely.

“Oi, ducky! I hear you´ll help me today. Should we start immediately?” Charlie winked and steered Rose to the door, tossing over his shoulder, “Has she to come back to you when we´re finished?”

“No, no. Her detention is done when you´re finished. Thank you, Charlie.” Dumbledore pursed his lips. He adjusted his glasses before bending over a pile of papers.

Charlie made a noncommittal sound and led the way downstairs, pulling Rose after him.

He didn´t let go of Rose´s hand as he started towards their destination, swinging their arms back and forth and whistling cheerfully.

Rose eyed him with a raised eyebrow. “Jeez, how come you´re in such a disgustingly good mood?”

Charlie laughed. “You´d be too when you´re told that your help is you and not Filch as originally planned. Really, I was already prepared to spend the whole day in sour silence.” He sighed happily with a big grin and turned towards the dungeons.

“Where are we going?” Rose curled her lips. It couldn´t mean anything nice if her detention was with the Care of magical Creatures Professor and they were heading into the dungeons.

“Uhm, you´ll see,” Charlie drawled and twitched his eyebrows in a way that made Rose´s stomach lurch.

They went deeper into the dungeons and after fifteen minutes left the obvious inhabited area. It got colder with every step and the walls started to sport green, slimy vegetation and got visibly wetter the deeper they advanced. The water collected into puddles on the ground, making it slippery. Rose grumbled as cold water soaked her trainers. She also wrinkled her nose. The smell down here was somewhat foul.

“When are we there?” she muttered.

“Just this second. It´s over there.” Charlie pointed at a passage to their left and disappeared through it.

Rose heaved a defeated sigh and followed him, though stopped as the foul smell that had lingered in the corridor became overwhelming. She doubled back and clasped her hand over mouth and nose.

“May I introduce you? This is our task for today.” Charlie waved his outstretched arm around the cavernous room, lightening something that looked like a thick carpet of greenish fungus with loads of eyes.

Rose had no idea what it was she saw there and shrugged in confusion, still choking on every breath.

“Have you never heard of Bundimuns?” Charlie asked, seemingly more than a little surprised about her lack of knowledge.

“No? Should I?” Rose couldn´t help but grin as Charlie stared at her in disbelief.

“Yes, you should´ve,” he said exasperatedly. He sighed. “Ok, but as you obviously haven´t, I´ll give you a crash course. So. Bundimuns are not overly dangerous, but they can and do spit acid when disturbed. You should try to avoid coming in contact with it. Usually they lie around and do nothing but they have legs and I assure you they are quick. They feed from dirt. What you´re smelling is an excretion they produce. It rots building structures which is not possible here with all the stone **but** we don´t want them to spread further through the castle. Any questions?”

Rose blinked three times, eyebrows raised. “Well, how do we get rid of them?”

“A simple scouring charm should do. Though, before we start I want you to charm your clothes against the acid. The spell is ‘Tardo Apertura’.” Charlie waved his wand in a spiralling circle over his head.

Rose mirrored the motion and felt a bubbling prickle on her skin. She gazed at Charlie who pointed his wand at the closest Bundimun and fired a scouring spell at it. The pest burst with a sickening, wet sound and splashed on everything within four metres, including Rose and Charlie.

“Oh…Maybe we should take a few steps away.”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, snipping, “No! Really?”

***

At lunch time Dobby appeared, balancing a tray with sandwiches and tea. Rose immediately abandoned the Bundimuns and launched at the food. She was already occupied with her third sandwich as Charlie joined her, first reaching for the tea.

“Wow,” he chuckled behind his mug.

Rose shook her head, gulping the last bite and wiping her mouth. “Merlin,” she groaned.

“I know. Extensive use of magic is exhausting.” Charlie nodded and leant against the wall, surveying the room. A steep line appeared between his eyes. They had worked non-stop for almost three hours and had not even diminished half of the infestation.

Rose followed his gaze and flopped down next to him, closing her eyes and eating another sandwich, this time slower, appreciating every bite.

“We need help,” Charlie observed, breaking the silence which had been interrupted before only by the low dripping of water around them and small legs hurrying over the stone floor. The Bundimuns had started to huddle together as soon as Rose and Charlie had eliminated the first ones. “I could ask Remus…”

“No.” Rose sat upright. “Please, everyone but Remus.”

Charlie gazed at her, eyebrows mildly lifted. “What is that between you? I mean, I knew you grew close those last two years but I never thought you´d be this close. And so quick…”

Rose stood up, pacing a few steps away and back to Charlie. After five turns she stopped, facing away from Charlie. “I think I´m in serious trouble.”

“Rose.” Charlie leant forward and took Rose´s hand, pulling her towards him. She sat again beside him, but looked down at the floor. “Why do you think that? Have you done something?”

“Yes.” Rose rubbed over her forehead, not noticing that she smeared dirt from her hand on her face. “I never noticed how much I like Remus and now…I can´t stop thinking about him and I feel horrible because Severus is in Azkaban and I´m here in the safety of Hogwarts and imagine being with someone else.”

“So you want to be with Remus but you aren´t because of Severus.” Charlie frowned and sighed, turning his head towards Rose. “Have you talked to Remus?”

“Of course. He wasn´t too helpful.”

 “And this healer woman? What´s her name? Elena?”

“Elise? Not yet. But she will only encourage me to follow my feelings or something like that.”

“Maybe you should talk to her anyway. I mean, following your feelings sounds like a decent advice to me, but then again I´m afraid I´m not good with such things. Oliver always says I´m terrible with everything emotional. But Elise is trained for such things.” Charlie chummily patted her back. “And when you talk to her anyway then you can ask for advice for your issues with Steven as well.”

Rose grumbled under her breath, adding louder, “Don´t remind me of him. He´s such a dick.” Quickly she told Charlie the full version of what Cooper had said to her and how that had ultimately led to today´s detention.

“Blimey, he really hasn´t changed. You know, he was well known when he attended Hogwarts. Sorted into Hufflepuff but unusually bragging with a big mouth. Severus hated him and his arrogant, lazy behaviour and let him fail his OWL´s exam in Potions.” Charlie grinned.

Rose perked up. “He failed?”

“Yeah, it was **that** topic for weeks, but Cooper senior fixed this little problem after Steven had finished Hogwarts. Daddy bought enough influence in the Ministry over the years and paid for the best private education. From what one hears Steven still only barely succeeded in his mastery, but his father´s influence and a little money at the right positions helps a lot, doesn´t it? So no one should wonder why he´s here now, if qualified or not.” Charlie scratched his head then combed his longish hair back out of his face. “I think for him it´s the perfect payback to have Severus´ position now and given how he´d been in school I guess it´s unlikely that he´ll stop badmouthing about him anytime soon. Especially with their history. Though he should be cautious what he says about Remus. He might be an easy-going man, but I wouldn´t want to get on his wrong side.”

At the newly mention of Remus, Rose plonked her head against the wall, groaning.

Charlie patted her shoulder. "Come on, back into battle. I´m sure that helps settle your mind." He stood up and eyed the green pests with a suffering gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Cooper is a person one can dislike enough?  
> I think I failed to make him as unpopular and annoying as he is in my head...
> 
> Latin:  
> tardo apertura: I hinder/keep back the opening/hole


	15. Chapter 15

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Rose held one hand up as she crossed the common room, hurrying as quickly as possible upstairs and into the bathroom. Everything at her reeked of decay or was splattered with Bundimun guts.

Charlie had sent for help in the late afternoon which had appeared in form of Professor Flitwick who had taught them something like the ultimate cleaning charm with which they managed to eliminate the pests within an hour.

The hot water of the shower was welcoming relaxing, but Rose felt too exhausted to enjoy it thoroughly and instead soaped and rinsed quickly and fell then only in her towel onto her bed. Only moments after hitting the mattress, she was already asleep.

_Rose watched Severus coming closer. His hands were soft on her naked skin as he pulled her flush against him. Her stomach clenched with excitement as she felt his erection nudge against her hip. She closed her eyes and smiled, then moaned softly into the kiss. Severus´ hands roamed over her body, leaving her wanting more. Her hands stroked up and down his chest, playing with the curly hair._

_Hair?_

_Stopping her hands, Rose opened her eyes and gasped in surprise both at seeing Remus and the feeling as he stroked between her legs._

_“It´s ok. I have you. Let go,” Remus murmured at her lips, claiming her mouth with lips, teeth and tongue._

_Rose gasped again. Remus moved them backwards until Rose felt something soft at the back of her legs and seconds later found herself on her back on the bed, Remus above her._

_“I want you.” His teeth scraped over her neck and Rose arched into his touch, pressed herself against him and whispered a breathy, soft, “Yes.”_

_Remus chuckled and slowly, tantalizingly slow, pushed into her._

Rose sat up with a start, shifting and pressing her legs against each other as the arousal her dream had left throbbed demandingly between her legs. She took a shaky breath and stood up, staggered into the bathroom and splashed cold water in her face.

“Goddamn it,” she mumbled and returned to the dormitory, peering at the clock. It was in the middle of the night, three minutes to one. Everyone was asleep and the soft snoring of three people sounded through the room, accompanied by a rumbling demand of Rose´s empty stomach. Last thing she had eaten were the sandwiches for lunch.

It took not long to decide what to do. Quickly she slipped into sweatpants and a hoody and wrapped her invisibility cloak around her shoulders. She felt safe enough with only the cloak and didn´t even look into the map. She´d managed often enough her way down to the kitchen without being caught.

She hadn´t come far as she saw a figure, standing in the starlight at a window, gazing outside. Quietly she approached, determined to slip past the person to finish her walk to her destination, but she stopped again as she recognised who stood there.

Remus seemed deep in thoughts, hands buried in the depth of a dark cardigan. His brow was furrowed and with every other exhale he sighed heavily, shaking his head every now and then.

Rose gulped. She knew she should turn and leave, there was nothing she could do for him, but even while thinking, her feet had started to bring her closer to Remus which was the entirely wrong direction according to her head.

Though, she stopped abruptly as he spoke, “You should be in bed.”

Remus turned around and grasped without hesitation into the air and pulled the cloak from her body, just as if he´d seen her all along.

The confusion must have been written all over her face because the left corner of his mouth twitched upwards into a half smile. “It´s your soap. I think I could determine that smell everywhere.” He swallowed and then added with taking another, direct sniff in her direction, “Grapefruit and green tea, isn´t it?”

As he stood so close, Rose couldn´t help but think about her dream. The barely dampened arousal flared into live again. She even reached out and traced Remus´ jaw with a feather-light touch, desperate to feel him.

But this shy touch sparked something within her, a desire she was entirely not used to.

“Remus,” she whispered and drew closer. Her body pressed against his, she raked one hand through his hair and pulled him down.

He kissed her back with as much urgency as she put into the kiss. His hands stroked over her back, her sides, cupped her arse and pulled her close while his tongue battled for dominance with hers.

Rose heard a moan and only after a moment registered that it was her own.

Almost jumping away, she broke the kiss. Her heart thrummed rapidly in her chest.

“Don´t say we can´t do this and it was a mistake,” Remus whispered hoarsely. He extended his hand, taking Rose´s. “Stay with me.” He gently pulled her into his embrace again.

“Why does it feel so right when I´m with you but I´m so full of doubts when I´m alone?” Rose stretched up to meet Remus´ lips for a brief, soft kiss.

“Stop thinking so much.” He kissed her again.

“I can´t,” she said against his lips. She felt like falling. Falling into this kiss, falling into Remus, falling, falling, falling without reaching the ground. But Remus was there and fell with her, making her feel safe despite not being safe at all. And Rose clung to Remus and let him hold her close, let him kiss her and finally lift her up and carry her as quickly as possible through empty corridors and hidden passageways to his quarters.

They made it not even into his private quarters. They barely were inside his office when they kissed again.

Rose lost entirely track of time and was not sure when Remus´ cardigan had vanished or when his shirt had come undone but she didn´t mind at all not even as Remus pulled her pullover over her head and she back on the sofa. He knelt in front of her, kissing the skin between her breasts.

It felt like a dream, maybe she was still dreaming? Had she never left Gryffindor tower but lay still in her bed, dreaming all of this?

Though, whatever this was, Rose didn´t want to stop. She felt dreamily enraptured, a little bit as if slightly drunk and it was heaven. It didn´t matter if this was a dream or reality after all, at least it didn´t matter right now.

At some point during her inner reverie Remus had lost his trousers. Now he bent down and kissed her through the damp fabric of her sweatpants. Rose moaned and lifted her hips, helping him to get rid of this stupid garment and then reciprocated with pushing his briefs down.

They kissed again, hasty and messy with lips, teeth and tongues everywhere, hands groping, pulling and pushing the other one.

***

Rose woke on the floor, disorientated and confused. She felt a little cold so naked in the darkness, but there was something warm next to her and…

She remembered. It had been no dream. She´d met Remus in the corridor, they´d kissed, they´d made out. He´d taken her on the sofa, kneeling in front of her until she´d pushed him back on the floor to sit above him. She remembered vividly their moans, him calling her name as he reached his climax and then they must´ve fallen asleep. How long ago was that?

Carefully as not to wake Remus, Rose stood up and searched in the dim light of the early morning for her clothes.

Her stomach was in uproar.

What had gotten into her? Why had she slept with Remus? Just like that and unbridled like…like an animal led by instincts.

She swallowed heavily and quietly opened the door, sneaking outside.


	16. Chapter 16

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With long strides and not looking left or right Rose hustled through the morning-quiet castle and knocked at Elise Driscoll´s door. No, not knocked, banged with increasing urgency.

Only after a few moments though she remembered that Elise didn´t live in the castle and thus wasn´t present so early in the morning.

Muttering under her breath and glancing the corridor up and down, Rose considered waiting right there but then remembered also that Sunday was Elise´s free day.

“Fuck,” she cursed through clenched teeth. She blew a heavy breath out of her nose and turned, head hanging low, to return to Gryffindor tower as a house-elf materialised in front of her.

“Oh,” the little creature squeaked and her eyes widened. “Miss Rose Potter.”

Rose peered down. “You know me?”

The she-elf lowered her head, blushing. “Everyone knows Rose Potter.”

“Well…obviously. What are you doing here?” Rose asked curtly. All she wanted was to talk to Elise, not entertaining a house-elf.

“I´m helping Healer Driscoll who sends Tinky to look who wants Healer Driscoll´s help. Do you need her help?” The house-elf looked expectantly up.

“If I´d say yes, would you go and fetch her?”

***

“Rose.” Elise regarded her with a warm smile and gestured to the usual chair.

Rose sunk down, looking sheepishly over to the woman. She was not sure if she should be ashamed and apologise for giving Elise such trouble or if she should be grateful for Elise´s quick arrival. Not that her problem was something like an emergency and really needed such a quick consultation, at least not anymore after she´d had a few moments to calm down.

Due to Rose´s continuing silence, Elise inclined her head questioningly, asking, “What´s wrong? What can I do for you?”

“It´s silly, really, and I feel kind of bad now. Had I known Tinky would fetch you right away…I´m sorry.”

“Ah.” Elise waved her hand in a dismissive manner and settled comfortably into her chair. “You rescued me from preparing breakfast. For once my husband has to do it and I can come home and relax.” Elise grinned. “Just tell me what bothers you and don´t worry so much.”

Rose plucked restlessly at her left thumb, making small clicking sounds with her nails. Her throat felt suddenly too dry to talk and she swallowed a few times, trying to wet it. Out of nowhere a glass of water floated into her view. Rose flashed Elise a meek smile and downed the glass in one go, clearing her throat afterwards.

“It´s about Remus,” she whispered towards her hands which still held the glass, turning it round and round.

Delicate, slightly chill hands stopped her fiddling and made her look up, meeting soft brown eyes. Somehow the cool touch calmed Rose and she found that her thoughts stopped spinning and slowly fell into a pattern which she could overlook and sort through.

Rose shifted, placing the glass on the low table between the chairs.

Elise sat back into her own chair, giving Rose room to talk.

“I was so determined not to think about him and let nothing of what I feel for him get to me. But it won´t work and every time I´m close to him I forget myself and last night…last night I…” Rose swallowed, “I slept with him. It was as if I wasn´t in my right mind and now I feel horrible.”

“But last night it felt all right?”

“It was…as if it was meant to happen. Everything was right and perfect, almost like a dream.”

“And today you regret it.”

“Yes.”

Elise nodded quietly, her head bopping up and down for almost half a minute while she was obviously deep in thoughts.

“Do you really regret it or are you just overwhelmed because it happened so fast or unexpected?”

Rose shrugged, tears brimming her eyes.

“Now, now, there´s nothing to cry about.” Elise smiled gently and stood up. A moment later she placed a steaming cup of tea in front of Rose. “It´ll calm your nerves,” she said with a wink.

Rose sniffed the tea, Elise´s herbal blend again. A little reluctant Rose sipped it, but it warmed her and indeed helped her relax.

“I think you shouldn´t rush. Take your time, think about what happened and explore your feelings. I think if it feels right when you´re with Remus than it is right.”

“But how can it be right to have feelings for Remus?” Rose asked miserably.

“You´re asking because of Severus, don´t you?” Elise´s eyebrows twitched briefly upwards. “Let me tell you what I see. You´re in love with Remus, but you´re denying yourself happiness because you´re afraid of what others might think of you and that you might hurt Severus or Sirius when you´re acting on those feelings.”

“I want to be happy. With Severus.”

“Who isn´t here.”

“But what if…”

“Dumbledore succeeds?” Elise sighed. “I´m usually no pessimist but when has Albus Dumbledore ever failed? Never before. He´s known for getting what he wants, but he made enemies with his previous actions and now is the time he pays for his demanding character and attitude. Mister McClain is against him and so is the Wizengamot.”

Rose stared at Elise.

“I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to sound so harsh,” the Healer backpedalled. “I´m no seer either, means I don´t know if what I think will come true, but at the moment I believe that nothing can change McClains opinion on Severus´ case. I think deep down you know that too and that´s why you´re colliding with Remus again and again.”

“Yes, maybe…” Rose whispered. “I know it´s awful but I´d wish there would be a definite decision. As long as Dumbledore keeps fighting I have hope.”

“And as long as you have hope you are not free to be with Remus.”

Rose didn´t answer and emptied her cup of tea.

***

Still shaken, Rose stood uncertain in front of the Gargoyle, guarding the Headmaster´s office. After endless minutes, she squared her shoulders, saying loud and clear, “Cream caramel.”

The Gargoyle quivered but stayed otherwise firmly in place. Rose narrowed her eyes, had Dumbledore changed the password? Since yesterday? Rose started anew but right after the first syllable of “cream” the stony guard shifted aside and let her go through. She regarded the statue with a withering look.

Dumbledore sat, like mostly, behind his desk. He was reclined and his elbows propped on the armrest of his chair with his hands steepled in front of his chest.

“Headmaster,” Rose greeted and closed the door behind her. “I don´t want to intrude and I hope I don´t come at an inconvenient moment.” She made a small break, first for taking a breath and second for giving Dumbledore room to reply, but the man kept quiet and only the slight shift of eyes behind his glasses indicated that he had listened at all. Rose clasped her hands in front of her and shuffled closer.

“I´m here to ask if there is any news from Severus.”

Now Dumbledore straightened in his chair, eyes narrowing as if he was about to ask if Rose was really interested in anything Severus-related. She had the unsettling feeling that he knew what had happened last night between her and Remus.

“Please, Professor. I don´t know what you think about me. But Remus has nothing to do with Severus. Please. I need to know if you can bring him back. Please.”

Dumbledore´s gaze softened. “My dear girl, take a seat, please.” He gestured to the chairs in front of his desk and offered Rose tea and biscuits which she both declined.

“I know I have been…curt.” Dumbledore inclined his head, his lips twitching apologetically.

“You must think I´m a sorry…”

“Now, now,” he cut in before Rose could say what already perched on the tip of her tongue. “I was aware that you and Remus became close, although I had no idea how close, but anyway, it is none of my business and as I´ve said before, you´re both adults and it is your decision to make.” Unless the last time he had said those things they were now accompanied by a mild smile. “However, regarding Severus, I can´t give you anything new. My official complaint was not successful yet and I fear it won´t be neither in the foreseeable future. My esteemed colleagues at the Wizengamot still decline to reopen Severus´ case. Wilbert insists that the conviction is completely within regular bounds and he won´t allow me or, as I came to believe, anyone else to appeal the sentence.”

“But that would mean we can´t do anything.”

“I hate to say that but yes, my hands are bound at the moment. I have to gather allies first. Amelia Bones and our Minister are, sadly as it is, not enough. The law is currently one of the bigger obstacles against us. It never occurred to me how free in their administrative discretion the Wizengamot is.” Dumbledore leant heavily back in his chair. Only now Rose noticed the beads of sweat on the old man´s forehead and the slight tremor in his hands.

“Headmaster, are you not well?”

“It´s nothing, my child. Only too much work that has to be done in too short a time and I´m no young man anymore.” His eyes twinkled amused but now, once Rose had noticed, he couldn´t belie anymore that he was not his usual self.

Though Rose knew better as to poke further, instead she made a mental note to keep an eye on the Headmaster.

After that, however, the conversation faded quickly and Rose left a rather pale Dumbledore with her thoughts in a jumble and her spirits not at all elevated.


	17. Chapter 17

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“Oh no,” Rose mumbled and hurriedly ducked under the table.

“You´re all right?” Draco asked, peering down at her.

“Shhh…go away,” Rose hissed and crawled to the other side of the table, slipping through between Hermione and Neville and moved in a crouching position down the hall towards the exit. She reached the end of the table and cautiously stood up just as Remus stopped at her recently vacated seat and talked to her friends. He turned around and looked at her but Rose quickly left the Great Hall.

***

“What was that?” Draco asked as he sat down next to her in front of the fire in the common room.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on, don´t play clueless.”

Rose didn´t meet anyone´s eye and just stared ahead into the flames. After a moment, though, she stood up.

“I need fresh air. Alone,” she added and stormed away.

On her way to the owlery, she´d decided to make a visit to Hedwig, she walked straight into Remus who seemed to have waited around Gryffindor Tower.

“Rose.”

Rose ignored him and walked past him, quickening her steps. But Remus followed her.

“You were gone when I woke up and given you´re running away from me I think you´re not happy about last night. We should talk about that.”

“No, we shouldn´t. There´s nothing to talk about. It was not thought through and it happened, end of the story. If you´d excuse me now.” She turned unexpectedly left and disappeared behind a tapestry. Her heart raced in her chest and jogging through the castle was definitely not the reason. She knew Remus still followed her.

“I can´t talk to you right now,” she said, facing Remus. She briefly glanced in his eyes before looking away again.

“So it was wrong?”

“I don´t know.” Rose licked her lips. She glanced again at Remus. It was strange to be right next to him now the morning after. Even though the last night felt more like a dream than reality she couldn´t look at him as she´d done before. Something had changed between them, profoundly so, and she had no idea yet if this change was good or terribly bad.

Remus inched closer, invading her personal space.

“Don´t.” Rose gently pushed him away.

“We should sort this out before it stands between us for too long and we can´t break this barrier down again.”

“No, don´t. Just, let´s not. Not now.” Rose backed away and as she was sure Remus would indeed let her leave turned around and walked to the owlery.

She was relieved to reach it and already looked for Hedwig, turning around herself and gazing at the roof beams. She stumbled as her foot bumped into something and she fell and landed ungracefully on the straw-covered floor.

Looking up, she was met by lots of black fur and a watchful gaze.

“Sirius.” Rose swallowed and scrambled to her knees.

The dog stood up, huffing and sneezing before retreating to the other side of the room.

Rose frowned.

“You don´t want to talk to me, right? And even less see me. Yeah. I understand.”

Rose looked again for Hedwig but couldn´t find her. She peered over at her godfather. He had a scruffy, desolated look to him with his filthy, entangled fur and gaunt body. She tried to remember when she´d seen him last, but couldn´t recall any meeting except the glimpse at the last full moon when he had rushed out to keep Remus busy during his transformation, however, that was only a week ago. Had he looked so bad there too?

“I know you´re mad with me and I guess you´re right, but are you ok? You look the worse for wear.”

To her surprise Sirius changed into a human. His hair still looked filthy and unwashed with straw sticking to it but all in all he looked healthier than he had as a dog.

“You´re with him now.” He nodded more to himself. “I saw you.”

Rose had no idea how to respond to that. Had Sirius seen them the night before?

A muscle at his mouth jerked ever so slightly. “I´m not mad with you. I guess I should´ve seen this coming. I´m disappointed in both of you, though. What happened to you, Rosie?”

“I´m not with Remus.”

Sirius laughed. “Then it´s even worse what I´ve seen.” He shook his head. “I don´t understand that. You went almost literally through hell to be with Severus but within a blink you just turn your back on him.”

Rose crossed her arms in front of her, holding on to them, shaking softly.

“I don´t understand it either. I never wanted this, nothing of it,” she sobbed.

“Yes.” Sirius walked past her.

Rose, acting quickly, grabbed his sleeve. “Please don´t go. I know I hurt you but I want you back in my life. I miss you.”

Sirius looked down at her, expression blank. He kept silent for a moment then shook his head.

“I can´t. You only remind me of what I´ve lost.”

***

Rose chased in breakneck speed across the Quidditch pitch. The other players were only blurry dots below.

In the last half an hour she´d caught the Snitch already three times, now closing her hand around the tiny, golden, winged ball for the fourth time. It didn´t cheer her up. It was too easy today, no challenge at all.

Disappointed, she dived and landed with a thud, skidding a little on the muddy ground. Ginny flew over to her.

“What are you doing?”

“I´m done. Thank you for letting me fly with you.”

“But…”

Rose didn´t wait to hear what arguments Ginny would have to make her stay, she shouldered her broom and trudged up to the castle. Unsure where to go now she let her feet decide and followed blindly where they led her. She ended in front of a door close to a suit of armour with crimson plumage. Rose shook her head and turned away. She didn´t want to see Remus, however, her sub-consciousness seemed to have another opinion to that.

She looked back over her shoulder. Remus, having his arms around a stack of books and papers, looked at her from the other side of the corridor. Rose straightened her shoulders and rushed away before he could talk to her.

Closing and locking every door in Severus´ quarters behind her calmed her tremendously and stepping under the hot spray of his shower did the rest to relax her. She used far too much of his bodywash, enveloping herself in its scent, Severus´ scent, and just breathed.

When she stepped out from under the shower, the whole room was filled with steam and every mirror and glass-surface was fogged up.

Only with a towel around herself she walked through every room. Nothing had been changed, even the bedsheets were still crumpled. No one had entered these rooms except her and so everything looked just as if Severus was only gone for a moment, about to come back any time soon. Maybe she could have fooled herself, even if only for a second, but the furniture was covered in a thin layer of dust, destroying the illusion.

Rose stroked the tips of her fingers over Severus´ desk, catching the dusk. Even here she couldn´t banish Remus from her thoughts.

Sirius was right, she´d gone through so much hardship to be with Severus and still she allowed all of this between herself and Remus.

“Would you be mad with me if you´d know?” Rose asked into the silence. “I wish I could talk to you. I mean really talk to you, with you answering me.”

Slowly she walked into the bedroom and curled up under the blanket on the bed.

“Would you believe me that I miss you? I don´t think so…Sometimes I don´t believe myself. But I do miss you. I still have your shirt under my pillow and every night I pull it out and lay my head on it to smell you and have you close.” Rose turned flat on her back and stared at the ceiling. “When I´m with Remus missing you stops hurting for some time. I never forget that you exist but the pain grows distant…” Rose almost choked on a sob. “Saying it out loud sounds horrible. I don´t want to replace you. Nothing would make me happier than having you back but you´re not back. You´re so far away and our relationship feels like an entirely different lifetime. It´s only weeks but it happened so much. I felt so much since we stopped fighting and they then took you away. It´s so unreal and at the same time frighteningly real.”

Rose sat up and hugged her knees, resting her head against them she whispered, “Please tell me what to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was short...but better short than none at all, right? 
> 
> I´d love to know what you think.  
> Do you still read or are you frustrated with the changes?  
> Honestly, I swear Severus will be back!


	18. Chapter 18

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Rose followed Remus´ explanations about blood magic only with half an ear and scribbled little nonsensical doodles on the sheet of paper in front of her while her thoughts took flight. To Cooper for example who was really a contradictory person. One moment he threw scathing and snide comments her way, all the unforgiving man Rose had him suspected to be, and the next moment he seemed to try to make friends with her, asking her to come over for tea. The last Potions lesson on Monday had been like that, an emotional rollercoaster, really.

Then she thought about her friends who tried to find out what had happened between her and Remus and who were rather grumpy that she wouldn´t talk.

And then Remus of course. Alone being in the same room with him, even worse, sitting barely three metres away from him was living hell. She´d replayed their nightly encounter so many times, had scrutinized her feelings thoroughly and came again and again to the same conclusion: would she be in another similar situation the outcome would be the same. She wouldn´t be able to resist. And that was more shocking for her than she would want to acknowledge.

A hand appeared in Rose´s field of vision and stopped flat on her latest work of art. Slowly she looked up and in Remus´ disapproving eyes.

“Stay after the lesson,” he said and took her scribbles with him.

Rose bit her lip. Her heart had stopped for a moment and now raced with double speed in her chest. She wanted to stay as much as she wanted to run away immediately. She was torn between eager excitement for the class to end and dreading the same.

As the bell finally rang it took all of Rose´s willpower to stay on her seat and wait for her classmates to leave without running after them.

Remus waited until they were alone before he walked over to her and crouched next to her desk, peering up.

“I try to accept that you don´t want to be in my proximity and that you give your best to avoid me, but you have to pay attention regardless. This is your education, your future. This is important. I don´t like to force you but if you don´t listen and take notes, you´ll have to come for detentions. And I really don´t care if you like being with me in this time, you´ll come anyway and catch up on everything you missed during regular classes. Do you even listen to what I´m saying right now?” Remus ducked his head to meet Rose´s eyes. “Rose.”

“Yes.” She looked into his eyes and then everything happened quite fast. Before she really knew what she was doing she leant forward.

Remus lost his balance as Rose wrapped her arms around him, fitting their lips together. They landed on the floor.

“Rose…” Remus managed to rearrange their positions into sitting and gently pushed Rose from his lap. “What are you doing?”

“I couldn´t resist.”

Remus pressed his lips together and stood up, pulling Rose with him. He gazed seriously at her.

“What do you want?” he asked a hue of exasperation shining through.

“You,” she whispered back, looking anguished. “I think about you all the time, I dream about you and I miss you so much it hurts.”

“But then why do we play such a stupid game of not talking and you avoiding me?” Remus sat back down on the desk behind him, levelling his eyes with Rose´s.

“I want you but I also want to run from you and get as far away as I can. What has started between us frightens me with its intensity. I feel so much and it confuses me beyond words. Every time when I´m with you I do everything I question when I´m not with you, but I can´t think clearly when you´re there and look at me and are so close I just need to reach out so I can touch you.”

Remus exhaled forcefully. “You drive me crazy,” he muttered. He looked intently at her. “You can´t do this to me. You can´t kiss me, sleep with me, avoid me, come close only to push me away again. I can´t do this. I need clarity. **We** need clarity.” Remus paused, adding eventually in a low voice, “I´m so in love with you.”

“Don´t say that.” Rose turned away and looked out of the window. She felt Remus behind her, he´d come so close she could feel his presence even before he spoke.

“You know it´s true.” His voice was only a whisper, a breeze of air at her ear. “And I believe you feel similar about me.”

His hands were gentle on her arms, his lips soft on the rim of her ear, his body so warm behind her.

“I´m scared.”

Remus turned her around, gazing at her for a moment.

“Don´t run away from me. Don´t push me away. We can sort this out. We can make it work.”

“I´m not sure that I´m ready to make anything work.” She exhaled in a sigh. “I can´t imagine repeating Saturday night.”

“No?” Remus leant closer and softly kissed her.

She kissed back unable not to and before she knew when or how it had happened, she sat on the window sill, legs wrapped around Remus and was all about to strip him.

“Stop,” she gasped, fighting herself.

Remus looked at her, taken aback but clearly aroused.

Rose shook her head. “I don´t know what makes me behaving like this. I lose control when I´m with you.”

Remus´ gaze became a tad weary. “Do we start the game again?”

“No, we don´t.” Rose shook her head more vehemently. “It´s insane.” She hopped from the window sill and took a few steps away from Remus. “I know we shouldn´t do this but as soon as you´re close I can´t resist you. I can´t even briefly kiss you without having it get out of hand.” She scratched her teeth over her upper lip. “Please don´t hate me…”

“I´d never hate you. Never.”

“Yeah, ok, then…Please understand that I need time and I mean time away from you. I need to find out if my feelings lessen when I don´t see you or don´t meet you.”

Remus forehead crumpled into a deep frown.

“Are you afraid someone hexed you?” He withdrew his wand and mumbled something under his breath. Nothing happened, but Rose shook her head anyway.

“I don´t think someone hexed me. I´m sure my feelings are just that, my feelings. Still I feel like brainwashed. Everything happens soooo fast.”

Remus nodded. “I won´t hate you for asking for time to come to terms with your feelings. But how do you think this should work?”

“Can´t you exempt me from your class for – I don´t know – this Thursday and next week?”

Remus raised his eyebrows.

“Too obvious,” he said then groaned defeated as he saw Rose´s pleading gaze. “Ok. I´ll think about something.”

***

“Rose…” Luna followed her as she left, deeply in thoughts again, the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom.

“Oh, Luna…” she said distractedly and only too ready to get away.

“Are you all right?” Luna asked seriously.

“Honestly? I don´t know.”

“What bothers you?”

“Remus,” Rose whispered and briefly looked around if someone was close enough to eavesdrop.

“You love him, don´t you?” Luna asked and smiled.

Rose took Luna´s elbow and steered her into the next available, empty classroom.

“Don´t talk about something like that where everyone can hear you.”

“So you really love him.” Luna nodded. She sat down on the closest chair, inclining her head. “Why does it bother you so much?”

“It´s not that I have feelings for Remus. It´s how fast they´re growing. Each day it´s harder to keep away. One moment were just like close friends and the next we have sex and…” Rose snapped her mouth shut but Luna did nothing more than nod understandingly.

“Why don´t you talk to us? Draco and Hermione are worried. Even Ron agonizes over it.” Luna patted the free chair next to her. “Sit with me.”

Rose sat down, hunched forward and pushed her hands between her crossed legs.

“You know, I believe there´s no restriction to with how many people we can fall in love. There´s love for our parents and other family. Then there´s love for our friends. And there´s romantic love. The love we feel is as different as the people we love. Each kind of this love exists next to each other. We can feel all of it without losing another. I believe you when you say you love Professor Snape and I believe you when you say you love Professor Lupin too. Even when it´s both romantic love, I firmly believe you can feel it at the same time because it´s still different because they are different persons. I would also believe you if there would be a third or I don´t know how many other persons.” Luna smiled and pulled one of Rose´s hands free, holding it between her own. “No one condemns you for loving. Sure, there will be people who can´t understand what you feel, but we´re your friends and you should have more confidence in us. We wouldn´t think poorly of you.”

“But maybe I think poorly of me.”

“We can´t take the burden of a decision from you but we can stand behind you and be there when you make it.” Luna squeezed Rose´s hand, let go and stood up.


	19. Chapter 19

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Rose peered into her cauldron and then at the blackboard. She glanced, just to make sure, over to Hermione, then to Draco and noticed relieved that her potion looked just like theirs.

Hermione, catching her gaze, looked up and compared their cauldrons too.

“I hate you a little,” she whispered almost not audible but grinned.

Rose winked. She´d had a long, long talk with all of her friends where she´d told them the truth about Remus and her and what she´d asked him for. Like Luna had said everyone understood or at least no one offered openly his opinion, what was quit all right and enough for Rose.

Remus had been true to his words too and had assigned a research essay, two weeks of allotting their time as they´d wish and working on a Defence topic of their choice. Rose felt already relieved.

Only Cooper gave her headaches. He glanced at her already for the whole lesson, looking as if he was dying to say something.

Rose dispelled those thoughts with a shake of her head and spooned some of her potion into a vial. She took it to the front of the class, handing it over to Cooper. He looked up from his book, squinting across the room at the clock and frowned.

“Finished, already?” he asked in disbelieve.

Rose´s mood dropped. He wouldn´t provoke another fight out of boredom or something else, would he?

“Why ‘already’? Everyone´s almost done,” Rose replied as politely as possible, but had to swallow heavily to keep the indignant growl shut up.

_Calm down. He´s only a narcissistic asshole. There´s no use to argue with him. Smile and breathe, smile and breathe,_ she chanted in her head.

Cooper sighed theatrically. A broad, false smile spread over his face.

“Rose,” he said with a voice someone would usually use for a small child, “I know you give your best, but you have to learn not to rush things. You can´t be finished already **and** be successful. That is simply not possible in this time. What then only can mean your potion is not correctly brewed. Please return to your seat and check your result.”

Rose´s eyes widened that much she was for a short moment afraid her eyeballs would plop out before she managed to compose her expression. She took a deep, laboured breath and said with as much calm as she still could find in herself, “Professor Cooper, this class is about to end in ten minutes, how much slower should I work?” She gazed at him. “And besides, according to your instructions is this,” she held up her vial, the pearly, slightly slimy liquid sloshing inside, “the exact right colour and texture. So please, explain where in your opinion I made a mistake.”

Cooper eyed the vial for a split second and then smiled slyly. “The colour is not correct. Yours is more beige with a trace of silver BUT it should be creamy white.”

Rose gnashed her teeth, striving desperately to keep her tongue in check and not fall for this obvious trap of his.

She most likely would´ve managed, but just as she turned and retreated to her desk, cursing the blasted man inwardly, Cooper spoke up again.

“Rose, don´t take it too bad. I know you had extra lessons with **him**. Though, I think **he** wasn´t the right teacher for you, but I´m more than ready to offer my help. You will see, once you cast off Snape´s withering influence, you will improve tremendously, just like me. Why not meet with me after the lesson and discuss it over tea?”

Rose had stopped in her tracks and looked back, grazing Cooper with the most disbelieving gaze possible.

“ **You** want to help me? I´m sorry, but unlike me, Severus kicked you out of his class because you were a gloating, dickhead with no idea what you were doing. You only were able to do your Mastery because your daddy bribed the right people. But even then you passed only barely. So don´t you dare talk to me as if you´d be superior!” Rose stopped herself. Jeez, had she said all of this? Really said it out loud? Wouldn´t it be too humiliating she would smack herself.

Cooper stood by now behind the desk, leaning over it. “But I have my Mastery nonetheless and despite Snape hating me from day one, something that should be achingly familiar to you. I never did anything right in his eyes and he mocked and ridiculed me whenever he had the chance to. You can´t even possibly imagine how good it feels to have his beloved Potions position and how happy I am that the stinking bastard finally got what he´s earned all along. They should´ve locked him up right after You-Know-Who´d disappeared. Would´ve served him right.” Spit run over his chin as Cooper finally finished his hate-filled rant, chest heaving like he´d sprinted.

The classroom was extraordinarily silent and the students shot hostile glares at the teacher in the front.

“Don´t you ever again dare talking about him like that you slimy piece of flubberworm shit!” Rose grated out between gritted teeth. She panted and had her hands balled into tight, white-knuckled fists, but managed to turn around and stalk towards the exit. Her head was swirling. She couldn´t stay. Cooper was taking it too far, she had not the nerve – the self-restraint – for this, not now with everything that was going on in her life.

“Or what, Miss Potter?” Cooper asked, grinning again. “Why do you run away? Are you on your way to your secret not so secret lover?” His eyes glittered. “I wonder if the wolf really is tame enough to ride even when the full moon is far?”

Rose froze in her movement.

“You shouldn´t display yourself so openly, you know…”

Cooper chuckled, but he choked and the grin dissolved into a panicked expression as Rose swirled around and he noticed first Rose´s pale, angry face and then registered the vial with her scaling elixir flying through the air. Cooper ducked his head under his arm, protecting his face, as the small glass container hit the wall above him. The content and tiny shards of glass rained down on the teacher´s head and shoulders, back and forearms.

Rose hadn´t meant to throw the potion, but Cooper´s words had blocked out her restraint. She´d maybe hexed him hadn´t she still clutched the vial. It hadn´t been a conscious decision to throw it. It was more like slapping him the other week, it just happened.

Horrified but also oddly fascinated, Rose watched how the potion seemed to crawl over Cooper´s body, how it ate away most of his clothes and where his skin reacted to the potion. Originally designed to descale dragons, it had a similar effect on human skin which blistered as if burnt and then started to peel off until Cooper looked raw and more like a too long boiled sausage. The whole procedure was accompanied by wailing cries of pain until, after seemingly endless minutes, it stopped suddenly and the man stopped writhing on the floor and became still.

“What´s going on?” Remus asked breathless, standing in the door, eyes gone wide in shock. The whole class snapped from their stupor and started at once to explain what had happened.

Only moments later Madam Pomfrey stormed into the room. Rose saw Hermione poke her head around the classroom door, stowing her wand back up her sleeve.

Quickly Draco explained with what Cooper had gotten hit and Pomfrey lifted the man with a wave of her wand into the air, floating him out of the room. 

Now all eyes were on Rose. And on Remus who gently touched her shoulder and ducked down a little to meet her eyes.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes.” She looked up, fighting the urge to hide in his arms, instead she stepped away, not looking at Remus again.

“Good, if you´re not hurt and don´t have to visit the hospital wing you will come with me to the Headmaster to explain what all this is about.” Immediately Rose´s classmates set up their choir of explanations again. Remus held his hands up, silencing them all with an unexpected fierce shout.

“Quiet! If I want additional explanations from anyone of you, I will ask. For now you can go to lunch.” He regarded the shocked students with narrowed eyes before taking hold of Rose´s elbow and steering her out of the room.

***

To say that Dumbledore wasn´t pleased to see Rose yet again because of Cooper was an understatement. To hear what had led to the incident made him briefly set his jaw and inhale deeply through his crooked nose.

“Rose, that was not very clever. Let us hope Professor Cooper won´t find a way to bring charges against you because of your attack. Under normal circumstances I wouldn´t worry, but with him and Cooper senior…Well, we will see.” Dumbledore plucked his glasses from his face and rubbed wearily over his eyes which were red-rimmed and shaded by miscoloured dark bags.

“I´m sorry, sir. It won´t happen again.” Rose suckled at her bottom lip, feeling utterly ashamed of her behaviour, no matter how infuriating Cooper was.

“I will have a word with Mister Cooper as soon as Madam Pomfrey will allow it.”

“There is no need, sir. I won´t cross his path again, at least not in a classroom. I´ll quit Potions.”

Both Dumbledore and Remus jumped into action at once and spoke beseechingly with Rose, but it was hard work to sway her from her decision. Though in the end, Dumbledore pressed the promise out of Rose that she´d give it a last try, then he bid Rose and Remus goodbye, wearing a tired smile on his exhausted, wrinkled face.

At the foot of the stairs, Rose turned quickly to her left, aiming to leave for the Great Hall to meet up with her friends, but backtracked after a few steps.

“He knew. Cooper knew about us,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?” Remus inched closer.

“He said I should be more careful not to be seen. He knew we went to your quarters, maybe he even listened at the door. He seemed to know that we…you know,” Rose whispered in a rush.

Remus paled visibly.

“Now the Potions class knows too. It won´t be long until the whole school knows.”  


	20. Chapter 20

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Lavender was furious when she learned about her boyfriend´s injury and her and Rose´s anyway unsteady friendship suffered again.

Rose tried to explain the events to her and the students who had been there that day did as well, but Lavender resorted to sulking and spent every free minute in the infirmary. She ignored Rose completely, except the snide comments about Rose and her assumed filthy sex life with Remus, and the mood in their dormitory became icy with Parvati siding with Lavender of course.

“Maybe you can make things better when you go to him and apologise,” Hermione suggested after Lavender had rushed out of the common room on Sunday, almost knocking Rose and her stack of books over.

“I wouldn´t mean it.”

“You could try.”

“It would be a lie.”

Hermione groaned but stopped pestering Rose who started gazing out of the window.

“Where are you going?” Hermione asked about half an hour later as Rose stood up, sending Crookshanks flying to the floor with an angry hiss.

“I´ll apologise.”

***

Rose knocked at the infirmary door and poked her head inside.

Madam Pomfrey saw her and nodded approvingly, waving for Rose to come in. Slowly she did and let herself be led by the Matron to a bed with drawn curtains.

“Professor Cooper, you have a visitor,” Pomfrey said briskly and pushed Rose past the curtains, leaving her alone with the man. Thankfully alone indeed as Lavender was nowhere in sight.

Cooper opened slowly his eyes which were bloodshot and stared with hatred at her. Rose flinched and lowered her gaze what turned out to be no better option. Cooper´s skin was shiny and strained as if it would be too small for his body to fit in. It looked not exactly painful but uncomfortable. And there was a lot of skin to look at, given that only his middle was covered with a light blanket.

Rose swallowed. No matter how little she could stand the man, seeing him like this she felt sorry after all. Lowly, tinged with shyness, she said, “I´m here to apologise. I shouldn´t have thrown my potion at you.”

Cooper made a gurgling sound and broke then out in a coughing fit. Rose´s eyes snapped back up to his face. Unsure what to do she stood there at the foot of his bed and stared at his masklike face and how his eyes teared up while coughs shook his body.

“Do you need anything? Should I call for Madam Pomfrey?”

Cooper shook his head, what looked now indeed painful, but then he lifted his arm, closing his eyes briefly in discomfort, and pointed at the table beside his bed. Rose gazed at it too and came to the conclusion that he wanted the glass of water. Reluctantly she went closer to Cooper and helped him drink, careful not to touch him.

“Good,” Cooper whispered hoarsely as Rose returned the glass to the table.

Unsure what else to do or say, Rose retreated slowly, but before she stepped from behind the curtain she turned again. “I don´t want to fight with you, but that is not only up to me. I will try to keep my temper in check. I hope you can do so with your tongue as well. It needn´t to be like this between us. Maybe we could settle for mutual indifference and ignore each other as best as possible.” With a last glance at Cooper, Rose rushed out of the infirmary and almost collided with Remus.

Inwardly Rose groaned and hastily stepped back.

“I imagined keeping my distance for some time would not result in bumping into you every other step,” she mumbled.

“Are you all right?” Remus gave her a quick once over look, assuring that she looked well.

“I visited Cooper.”

Remus made a noncommittal sound of acknowledgement but kept quiet otherwise. Neither of them said another word until the silence between them became awkward.

Rose shifted from one foot to the other, carefully avoiding coming closer. She swallowed. She hated herself for wanting to close the distance between them so badly.

“I miss you…” Remus said lowly.

“I miss you too,” Rose replied before she could stop herself. She looked up.

Remus gently touched her hand and lifted it up. He placed her hand on his chest, covering it with his. Rose didn´t struggle and closed her eyes as he touched her cheek with his other hand, softly stroking his fingertips over her skin.

“I hate how much I want to be with you,” she whispered, leaning into his touch. “I feel so powerless against it.”

She opened her eyes, looking up, as Remus kissed her forehead.

“If I´d know how to help you feeling better I´d do anything.”

***

Having no urgent desire to talk to anyone, Rose left the castle for a stroll over the grounds.

But as soon as she stepped out of the castle, she saw someone walking her way in a quick pace. Before she could decide where to go the person had reached her.

“Rose,” Elise said in way of greeting.

“Don´t.” Rose lifted her hands in a defensive gesture.

“I haven´t done anything.” Elise narrowed her eyes.

“Not yet. But every time we meet you tell me something I don´t want to hear.”

“Like I´m surprised you´re acting so disrespectful towards a teacher?” Elise asked frosty.

“You mean Cooper?” Rose snorted. “If he´d just once leave me alone everything would be all right between us, but he can´t let me be and tries to provoke me again and again. I´d ignore him if he´d let me.”

Elise hummed thoughtfully then her usual smile softened her expression. “What about your other ‘problem’?” She emphasized her question with signing quotation marks.

“It´s complicated.” Rose shook her head.

Elise groaned. “Rose, you´re the first patient with whom I really start doubting my abilities. I always thought I could assess people rather well. I usually manage to help my patients and give them good advice, but everything I advise here seems to be wrong. Is what I think would help you in reality so wrong for you and only I can´t see the truth?”

Rose gazed at Elise and her almost desperate expression. “It´s not your fault. This between me and Remus is so…so sudden and so big that it scares me.”

“Why don´t you come inside with me. Let´s have tea and maybe later everything seems brighter.”

***

“You were long gone,” Hermione observed as Rose joined her and the boys in the common room.

“I talked to Elise.” Rose yawned. “She´d offered tea and listened again to my numerous little problems.” She yawned again. “I´m sorry, I think I need a nap.”

Quickly she left the common room and snuggled under her blanket, pulling it above her head.

When Rose woke up she felt actually groggier than before her nap. She remembered dreaming but couldn´t grasp what the dreams had been about, except that Remus was in them.

Slowly she stood up and shuffled downstairs.

The common room was filled with students, reading, playing or doing their homework. Her friends were nowhere in sight.

“In the library,” Seamus offered suddenly from behind. “Working on their defence essays.”

Rose waved her hand in thanks and, after retrieving her school bag, went to join the others.

They worked for most of the afternoon, one after the other most of their classmates joined them as well and they talked and discussed animatedly.

“Very good. I´m proud how studious you are,” Remus said as he came to the library as well, handing two books back to Madam Pince. He smiled around and asked for the class’s progress with their research and if anyone had questions.

Rose had been like frozen ever since he´d stepped into the room and now watched him with growing trepidation and, to her dismay, also growing longing coming closer to the table where she sat with her friends. Never before had she felt the pull towards him so extreme as in this moment.

As he eventually reached them, he stood next to her but bent down to Hermione looking at something she´d marked in her essay for him to compare with something contradictory she´d found in two different books.

Rose was completely taken aback about the intensity of her feelings.

“I just remember I forgot my notes…” she spluttered and jumped up. She grabbed her papers, books and quill and stuffed everything in a wild mess into her bag, hurrying already out of the room.

Around the next corner she stopped and leant against the wall, banging her head into the stone. “That´s so not true,” she hissed to herself. “Come on Rose, you can´t feel that much for him.”

“For whom?” Remus asked, appearing next to her. His expression was unreadable.

“You…” Rose groaned. She stared at him, licked her lips repeatedly and stared more. Fragments of her dreams surfaced. She and Remus had been so much closer in them, so much more intimate. What should she do? Was there even something like a right decision in this situation?

Finally relenting to the most urgent feeling inside her, she muttered, “Oh fuck it.”

She grabbed his shirt and yanked him close. “It´s not working. I still want you, even more than before.”

“I´m glad you say that, but do you think that way in five minutes too?” Remus hadn´t pulled away but also didn´t just grab and kiss her as Rose currently hoped for.

She stretched up, standing on her toes, and flicked his earlobe with her tongue.

“Don´t ruin it with being a sissy.”

“Rose? Are you unwell?” Remus asked suspiciously and checked her forehead with the back of his hand.

“I´m fine. I felt so bad the last days but now I´m fine again. Can we go somewhere else?” Rose let go of Remus´ shirt, allowing him to step away. He looked at her for a seond before he nodded.

Behaved, just like it should be, they walked next to each other to Remus´ rooms. Maybe they walked a little closer than necessary and their fingers brushed every now and then but otherwise it was utterly unsuspicious.

“I dreamed every day about this,” Remus said and kissed her, allowing Rose to set the pace.

“Bedroom,” Rose said in between kisses and left her shirt on the floor.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ui, it´s Sunday again and this is even the second update this week :)  
> I can tell you it´s going well at the moment. I´m mostly satisfied and finished with part 6 and have even begun with part 7 which could be the last part of this series. Part of me hopes it. I think anway this story is stretching too long already *thoughtful noises*  
> Anyway, I´m writing a lot these days and hope to keep riding the flow until I´m done :D

 <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>

Remus frowned in his sleep. Rose propped herself cautiously up on one elbow and watched him. It was already morning, early though, and still the last bits of star light filtered through the curtains, unable to illuminate the room more than brightening some of the shadows. Rose quietly searched for her wand and lit a candle which covered the room in a soft, flickering light.

Rose snuggled back into the pillow. She felt content, content being here now. Today it was all right in a way it hadn´t been before.

After a while she started studying the map of scars on Remus' back, most of them self-inflicted claw marks, but a few, even though just so few you had to actively search for them, were not magically inflicted. There was, for example, the small, silvery scar on his neck. It had the shape of a triangle and connected two almost round moles, forming something that resembled strikingly a pair of cherries. She had no idea how he had gotten it, but then there were others. And her eyes returned again and again to the five thick, welts running in irregular lines over his back and the mangled part of his shoulder where he had been bitten by Greyback.

Of course Rose had seen the scars before. Every scar on his upper body. She'd also touched them before, but now it was different, now she had made up her mind to be with him and she wanted to touch them deliberately, getting to know each and every one.

Unable to resist any longer, Rose lifted one hand and traced her index finger in an almost not there touch over the knobbly scar tissue. Remus stirred and grunted once before he turned from his belly to his side and opened his eyes.

The little bit of light caught in his eyes and made them almost golden instead of their usual honey brown. The first confusion disappeared and made room for a soft but cautious, slightly quizzical gaze.

Rose laid her hand back on his skin, splaying her fingers above his chest, partly over his collarbone and stroked with her thumb over a scar there which ran parallel to the bone.

“You´re still here.” Remus smiled.

Rose smiled back then lifted her hand from his chest to his face, cradling his jaw. She slid closer. Remus took this as invitation to drape one arm over her waist, pulling her even further to him. Rose´s heart jumped into her throat, beating so much faster than before.

“I want to be with you, although I still think it´s somehow wrong.” She tried to read his expression, failing. “Does that make sense?”

Remus chuckled lowly and kissed her forehead. “It makes enough sense for me.”

Rose lifted her chin a little. “Kiss me?” Her voice was only a soft whisper.

“Whatever you want,” Remus mumbled, coming closer, eyes almost closing.

Their lips met in a soft fluttering kiss, but Remus stopped again and nudged Rose's nose softly. His hand behind her back twitched and suddenly Rose felt the bubbling of a cleaning spell ripple through her mouth. It was only a small but nonetheless nice display of nonverbal, wandless magic.

“Sneaky,” she giggled and immediately bent forward and pressed her lips back to Remus' mouth, now opening and inviting her in. As she didn't follow at once, his tongue snaked out and licked lightly over her bottom lip, leaving a trace of peppermint, and then he claimed her mouth with a possessiveness that left her breathless and made her tremble and cling to Remus, thankful for being in bed and not having to support her weight all by herself which she thought impossible at this moment.

Remus shifted and abruptly Rose found herself on her back, Remus above her. He somehow managed to find a way to deepen the kiss, to bring more urgency into it. One of his hands stroked over her side and Rose arched into his touch. His hand was warm on her skin, stroking upwards, his fingers brushing her breast.

Rose exhaled in a soft gasp and shivered with Remus as he pushed his hips forward, his undeniable arousal pressing against her.

Remus released a soft moan but also her lips.

“I want…” Remus whispered roughly but whatever he wanted he didn´t say it out loud. But he sat back on his knees. His breathing was fast and erratic as he stared down at her, his eyes roamed over every tiny part of bare skin and his hands followed the path his eyes had already mapped out.

Rose was torn between closing her eyes and enjoying Remus´ surprisingly gentle touch and let her eyes stay open and watch the tenderness that stole into his eyes and expand further the longer he stroked her. In the end it was not Rose´s decision because her eyes closed on their own will as Remus cupped both breasts, kneading them lightly, and pressed his lips below her bellybutton. For a long moment he paused like this then he kissed a path up over her stomach and over her neck to her lips.

“Slowly this time,” he said.

Rose blushed as she thought about the rush of the last night that was not unlike their first time. Remus chuckled which vibrated through her chest as he dipped his head and nuzzled, nibbled and suckled with almost reverent tenderness at one breast, while his hands stroked and brushed softly over her skin, leaving her in goosebumps and electrified, burning, praying that he´d touch her more firmly.

He didn´t touch her once where she wished it the most but worshipped her second breast equally thoroughly.

When he stroked yet again upwards on her inner thigh and turned around briefly before he´d touch her, Rose let out a low, frustrated whine and grabbed his shoulders and pulled.

“Please come to me.”

Remus complied, resting above her and kissed her slowly.

Rose wrapped her legs around him.

It took little effort to guide him in the right direction and Rose sighed softly as he filled her.

She closed her eyes, arms and legs tightly wound around Remus, and felt him move inside her, above her, around her.

His low moans vibrated through her, made her tremble and even more aware of the feeling of him filling her, the soft and wet slide from hot skin deep inside her.

Yes, she thought and gave herself over to the feeling of Remus and the growing feeling of having arrived where she should be.

Remus´ moans became louder and sounded a lot more like low growls. Rose knew it was almost over. She arched her back, her hips canting upwards to meet Remus´ quickening strokes. Suddenly his hips stuttered in an erratic rhythm and stopped.

Rose couldn´t stop the frustrated whine from escaping her as her own orgasm was stopped from building any further, but she had no time to voice any complaint as Remus' weight disappeared and she felt his breath between her legs.

It took seconds and Rose was back on the verge of climax. The tell-tale sensation of tightening started inside her and grew, grew, grew until she thought she couldn´t bear it anymore, but then Remus sucked suddenly her clit in his mouth and the tight coil inside her exploded and crashed in waves over her, leaving her moaning and shaking.

Sated, she exhaled a long breath and relaxed into the soft mattress, feeling so completely at ease with the world and herself that she couldn´t help but chuckle until it turned into a full-fledged laughing fit.

“I´m sorry,” she croaked between sobbed laughs as Remus watched her a little worried. “I´m just so…I´m glad I´m here, finally.” She pulled him down to her and kissed him, arms wrapped around his neck.

Remus kissed her back but then pushed himself up and looked down again. “So, we´re good? You won´t run away again?”

“No.” Rose shook her head, smiling. “Never again.”

***

“You´ve developed a habit of suddenly disappearing and not coming back for a whole day or night or both,” Draco muttered as Rose squeezed in between him and Hermione at the breakfast table.

“I´m sorry?” Rose asked and laughed

“What happened yesterday?” Hermione asked.

“I conquered my doubts and freed my happiness.” Rose almost choked on her tea as she saw the faces of her friends. “I´ll tell you whatever you want to know. When I had breakfast.” She grinned broadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Rose made a decision. Elise will be thrilled, don´t you think?


	22. Chapter 22

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The week progressed with Rose staying on cloud nine. Her happy mood was so infectious that even her friends couldn´t resist and were happy too.

The whole group, Pansy, Neville and Blaise included, sat together during Transfiguration on Friday morning, chatting and joking more or less during the whole class in hushed voices.

“Honestly! You are not here for small talk!” Professor McGonagall stood in front them, her lips twisted in disapproval.

“But we´re working. See?” All of them showed the Professor their results.

“Well…” McGonagall grumbled, although, before she could say anything more, a soft knock at the door interrupted her.

Dumbledore entered uninvited, face pale and horrifyingly lined with tiredness, he dragged himself more forward than he walked. Everyone went quiet.

“Excuse my intrusion,” he said to McGonagall. “Would you mind if I had a word with Rose?”

Rose´s stomach lurched. That couldn´t be good. Had Dumbledore found out about Remus and her? Was he angry? What should she say in her defence?

“No, of course not. Do as you please, Headmaster.” McGonagall had her brow knitted in obvious concern, but said nothing more only waved for Rose to follow the Headmaster.

“What is it?” Rose croaked around the lump in her throat as soon as the classroom door was shut behind them.

“In my office.” Dumbledore led the way.

Rose followed the Headmaster like a lamb for slaughter but couldn´t help but notice how often he slowed down his anyway slow pace a little to catch his breath before resuming his former step. It seemed to take an eternity to reach the gargoyle, guarding the entrance to the Headmaster´s office.

Finally there, Dumbledore slumped in the armchair closest to the fire. He closed his eyes and stayed like that for so long Rose was all about to call for Madam Pomfrey. But just as she reached for the Floo Powder on the mantelpiece, Dumbledore inhaled shakily and straightened a little in his chair. A weak smile grazed his lips.

“Take a seat, my dear. I´m afraid I have to tell you something.”

Rose sat down. Not because she wanted but because her legs threatened to give way. Everything inside her squirmed unpleasantly. Dumbledore´s whole demeanour didn´t bode well, but seemingly not because of her relationship with Remus what only meant…

“It seems I have underestimated McClain,” Dumbledore said in a rough whisper. To Rose´s horror she noticed tears in the old men´s eyes. “I´m so sorry, Rose. McClain learned about our efforts and meagre success in reopening Severus´ case and prevented any further proceeding. I must admit my failure to you.” Dumbledore´s voice cracked and he stopped as a shuddering sob shook through his body, quite literally.

Rose had never before seen the man so devastated. He looked older than ever and frail, a word she never had connected with Dumbledore, but now it fit. He was the very picture of a burdened old man who had to endure too much and was close to a complete breakdown, still he shifted in his seat to get a less slouching position. His face turned even more sombre.

“Wilbert obtained an order which says you can´t appeal a sentence a second time when it was once resolved by the Wizengamot. For Severus that means there won´t be a reconsideration of his case because the Wizengamot already refused to hear him again.”

Rose felt as if someone had pulled the floor from under her feet. All her happiness seemed to be sucked away only by those few sentences of the Headmaster.

“So, we can´t do anything? He´s gone?” Rose asked, unable to really process the true meaning. Her mind rejected wrapping around the information.

“I´m granted the opportunity to visit him today. Would you want to come with me?” Dumbledore seemed to have grasped at least some of his composure. Awkwardly he dabbed at his eyes and readjusted his glasses on his crooked nose, giving Rose this way a little time to think about it.

But actually there was not really the need to think about it. Her answer was clear from the moment he had asked.

“Of course I will come with you.”

“Good.” Dumbledore nodded and then extended his arm. Fawkes fluttered over to them and settled to perch on the offered limb. “Please take my hand.”

***

Traveling with the help of the phoenix was like a combination of apparition and use of the Floo, though without the negative side effects. Actually it was the most pleasant magical way of traveling Rose had encountered so far. For a short moment she felt warm and happy and as the sensation seized and she opened her eyes she felt a little surprised about being not in Dumbledore’s office anymore.

Though the contrast was extreme.

Cold wind caught in her clothes and pulled on her, sweeping her hair into her face and brought with it icy spray from the sea below.

Rose glanced around. She stood on blank, black rock, smooth from wind, water and time. Behind her, a huge building rose into the grey sky.

It was cold and dark, even though it had been a bright day only seconds before. No lights illuminated this place, but the building seemed to emit an eerie, bluish glow.

Rose shuddered, even if she hadn´t known her destination she´d have known where she was only from being here.

Azkaban.

She took a deep breath and turned to Dumbledore. He stood still next to her, Fawkes on his shoulder. The mystical bird rubbed gently his beak at Dumbledore´s cheek, twittering softly. As Dumbledore noticed Rose´s gaze, he patted Fawkes and sent him away with an affectionate smile.

“Let´s get out of the wind. Stay at my side.” It seemed that Fawkes closeness had given the Headmaster new energy. He stood straighter than before and seemed all in all more like his usual self.  This change was reassuring but at the same time more worrisome than Rose wanted to admit, showed it too clearly how affected the Headmaster was, and quickly she linked her arm with Dumbledore´s offered one and let him lead her into the dark, gaping entrance.

For about five minutes, Dumbledore walked with her through dim, cold and damp corridors until they reached a wooden door, almost mouldered to its pieces and quite obviously only still working because of the extensive use of magic. The door made a toe-curling shrieking sound as it swung open. The corridor behind it was neither brighter nor warmer than the rest of the building but at least dry. In a secluded corner sat a middle-aged man with sparse blonde hair who stared with blank eyes at a point in front of him while holding his wand in a white-knuckled grip.

“Excuse me,” Dumbledore said and stopped in front of the man. Rose could see now that he wore Auror robes. She assumed him to be the guard here.

“Ah,” the man looked up, obviously relieved to see Dumbledore, but then he gazed at Rose. “Only one person is allowed, so says the notification from Mister McClain.” The man reached inside his robes and procured a piece of paper, unfolding it.

“Now, now. We don´t want to be too pedantic about it, do we? I guess you´re more than eager to leave and we are far from wanting to keep you from that with any unnecessary argument about the number of visiting persons. If you´d now show us the way, please?” Dumbledore gave the man a bright smile and nodded ahead.

Without further protest, the guard walked ahead, opened a series of locks on a door at the end of the corridor and said, “You think you will find your way alone? This place gives me nightmares enough without entering their territory.”

Dumbledore merely raised one eyebrow in acknowledgement.

The guard exhaled. “Just follow this corridor until you reach a bend to the left, then you go right, right and left. The cell you´re looking for is the second on the right.”

“My thanks, Mister…?”

“Wilkerson. Bert Wilkerson.”

“Well, then Mister Wilkerson. Have a good way home. Goodbye.” With that Dumbledore turned and strode through the door.

Rose hurried to follow.

“Professor?” she asked timidly. “Won´t he stay?”

Dumbledore cast a brief glance her way which was impossible to read and made Rose feel utterly stupid for having asked at all.

“Azkaban doesn´t need human guards. Only when visitors are announced, what is extremely rare, the Ministry sends someone like Mister Wilkinson to lead the visitors to their destination, or at least tell them how to get there.” Dumbledore frowned then forestalled her next question by explaining, “The Dementors patrol through the prison as they like but they have the order to accost no one besides the prisoners, so they stay away as long as they are able to resist.”

“I´m not too disappointed when they keep away.” Rose said, but knew they weren´t as far as she wanted them to be. She could feel the desolation and hopelessness seep into her every bone the longer she was inside those godforsaken walls.

“Fawkes gave us some protection against their influence, otherwise you´d feel their presence much more,” Dumbledore said as if he´d read her thoughts.

The rest of the way they spent in silence again. With each step Rose felt uneasier up to the point where she feared to be confronted with Severus and what he might look and be like.

But inevitable they reached the described cell. A small room, barely two by two metres, behind iron bars.

Rose swallowed. Severus sat on the floor on something that seemingly was his bed but was not thicker than a once folded towel. His head rested on his bent knees with his lank hair hiding his face. He didn't move. Wouldn't it have been for the soft movement of his hair with each breath he could've very well been only a statue.

"Severus," Dumbledore whispered and opened the door with nothing more than a snap of his fingers, swiftly approaching the other man.

Severus' head jerked up, the dull expression in his eyes gradually waning the longer they took in the sight of his old mentor crouching next to him.

Rose didn´t move, even so she couldn´t see Severus properly with Dumbledore blocking her view.

"Albus," Severus croaked finally as if he still wasn't sure not to hallucinate and in a voice which was hoarse from weeks of disuse. He extended his hand, drawing a deep breath as he indeed could touch the man. “You´re here?”

Rose could see Dumbledore´s shoulders slump as he took one of Severus´ hands in his. “They allowed this one meeting.”

“Oh.” Severus nodded. “So that´s it. Ten thousand eight hundred and ninety-eight days to go before I will see you or anyone else again,” he said bleakly, completely void of emotion.

“I´m so sorry, my boy. Wilbert has set his mind in this matter and most of the others support his current course of jurisdiction.” Dumbledore sighed. “If there would be anything I could do at the moment I would…” His voice faded at the end of the sentence and he gripped Severus shoulder hard.

Severus gazed at him, forlorn eyes shimmering in devastated acknowledgement but his words when they finally came were brave though he sounded squashed as his only hope of turning the tide admitted his defeat. “Thank you for everything you did. It´s all right. We might not understand their reasoning, but what choice do we have than to except it?”

Severus shifted to stand up. Dumbledore followed immediately, both moved slow and tediously. Rose was all about to step forward and offer any of them a helping hand, though that was when she got a glimpse of Severus´ face. She swallowed. His usual paleness was worse than ever and was even accentuated by the dark beard covering his face. But his eyes were what disturbed her most and what gave her a guess of what it must be like to be kept locked up here. Those loved black eyes weren´t sharp or glittered sarcastically anymore, right now all Rose could see was despair and hopelessness only fuelled by Dumbledore´s words.

She must´ve made a noise then because Severus turned suddenly his head towards her, startled, eyes going wide then narrowing to slits.

“No. Albus. Not her. Bring her away.” He backed away, as much as it was possible in those confining walls, and turned his back on Rose who had made nonetheless a step forward, standing now almost next to Dumbledore.

“Severus,” the old man said placating, touching Severus´ shoulder with gentle fingers. But Severus shrugged him off, hissing, “I can´t stand her presence. Please. Gods, she haunts me almost every minute of every day and every night, please Albus, please.”

Rose saw the sobs wrecking Severus as much as she heard them in his voice. Everything in her screamed to rush to him and hold him close. Still she approached him only hesitantly. Reaching out like she would do with a Hippogriff, cautiously, terrified and never blinking.

The second her hand touched Severus´ back he collapsed to the ground, shaking and crying now completely unrestraint, repeating all the time, “Go away. Please. Go away.”

But Rose, like so often in her life, didn´t pay heed to Severus´ words. It wasn´t that she wanted to disobey or disrespect his wish, but she couldn´t bring herself to leave him now. She couldn´t stand seeing him so broken and devastated. She crouched next to him and wrapped her arms around his cold body. In the first moment Severus tensed and Rose feared he would pull away but he didn’t and Rose tightened her hold on him. She was so close she could smell his unwashed hair and the sweat clinging to his skin but it didn´t keep her from pressing her face in exactly that greasy, tangled mess of hair, kissing his temple and everything that was in reach.

Severus´ hands came up, cupping her face and holding her apart before she could touch his lips.

He gazed at her, eyes seemingly searching for something but then his gaze softened and his arms snaked around her, pulling her tight against his chest. She heard him inhale in a deep and long breath, his nose buried in her hair.

“Rose.” His whisper was nothing more than a breeze grazing her ear, low enough to miss it and her world crumpled with his next words. “My love. My only light in this darkness.”

Stifling her own sob in the thin fabric of his shabby prisoner clothes, she drew Severus as close as possible, holding on to him as if holding on for dear life.

She felt Severus´ lips, dry and chapped, against her neck. “I lost you. Rose. Oh gods, Rose… How should I stand to lose you again without losing my mind?”

Rose squeezed her eyes shut. All the time since she´d arrived at the prison her mind had been occupied with Azkaban for itself but now, right now and here, in Severus´ arms, she couldn´t help but think about the last weeks and how things had changed so completely between herself and Remus.

Merlin, how could she ever had allowed herself to be happy with Remus? How could she had ever considered to continue their relationship when Severus carved out a miserable, lonely existence in this horrible place far from any warmth and love?

Rose held on tighter to Severus, a resolve forming in her mind.

***

Rose paced from one side of the corridor to the other, waiting for Dumbledore who had asked for a short private word with Severus what felt like an eternity ago.

When Dumbledore finally joined her he looked pale and as soon as they were out of sight from Severus´ cell, the old man stumbled and took hold on the wall, leaning heavily against the cold stone. His face was ashen and sweat beaded on his forehead.

“Headmaster.” Rose tried to steady him enough so he wouldn´t collapse but it was virtually impossible for her. Dumbledore was much heavier than he looked like not to mention much bigger than Rose was.

“Just a moment. I need…Just a moment.”

Rose watched him anxiously, her own misery forgotten for the time being, while he closed his eyes, catching his breath.

The seconds crawled by and merged into minutes. Five then ten minutes and Dumbledore still made no move to show any kind of being better.

Just as Rose thought she had to do something, anything, Dumbledore blinked.

“Rose.” A smile lifted the corners of his mouth ever so lightly and then without further warning he sacked to the ground, staying there in a heap of wide, flowing robes which bright plum colour was so misplaced in these repulsive walls.

Panic sped up Rose´s heartbeat. She shook Dumbledore, even slapped him, but he wouldn´t wake up.

In her frightened state she turned to the only help she could think of at the moment, but rounding the corner to Severus´ cell she stopped not even two steps down the corridor. It was cold, much colder than before. Her breath condensed to fog in the air. And the sparse light flickered and then went out completely, leaving the whole place illuminated by that bluish shimmer she had noticed earlier already. And then she saw them, three hooded figures slid down the corridor, approaching steadily.

Rose shrieked. She could still feel Fawkes´ protection, most likely the only reason why she still could think more or less clearly. But every hope of reaching Severus and talk to him was destroyed, so Rose backed away with the last remnants of clarity, returning to the place she´d left Dumbledore.

The old man hadn´t stirred once and in the eerie light his complexion was almost death-like.

“What am I to do? Please. Professor. Wake up. I don’t know what to do.”

Rose closed her eyes, tears burning in them. Her ragged breath sounded loud in her ears. However, not loud enough to drown out the voices that had started in her head. The familiar begging of her mother and then Voldemort´s laughter.

Hopelessness filled her, infected her heart and spread with high-speed through her body. But then a thought sprang to her mind as suddenly as tinder catching fire.

Fawkes.

He had brought them here, he surely was supposed to come and bring them back home as well.

“Gods, please, let this work,” Rose mumbled and took Dumbledore´s clammy hand in hers. “Fawkes?” She asked, lowly into the empty corridor. “Can you hear me? I need your help.” Seconds ticked away and nothing happened. Fearful Rose gazed at Dumbledore. Was he still breathing?

The faintest breath tickled the back of her hand as she held it under the man´s nose, though it was weak enough that Rose couldn´t be relieved.

“Fawkes! Damn you! Your master needs help!” Rose cried in utter desperation.

If it was her outcry or something else entirely, it really didn´t matter to her as with a burst of flames the phoenix appeared in the dark corridor and without further ado brought them far away from Azkaban.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter! :)

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

“What in Merlin´s name…” Madam Pomfrey exclaimed, frightened to the core.

“The Headmaster, he collapsed. I don´t know what´s wrong with him. One moment we leave Severus and the next he´s on the floor.” Rose stared with wide eyes at the Matron.

With a sharp shriek which was so unusual for the phoenix, Fawkes fluttered after Madam Pomfrey as she levitated Dumbledore to the closest, spare bed.

“I told you not to overdo it,” she mumbled and stroked with a shaky hand over the man´s forehead. “Really, I told you to be cautious. But do you listen to me? No of course not. Silly old fool.” She cast a series of spells and frowned before she summoned different bottles. Only after she´d administered each and every one of the potions, she turned to Rose who stood pale and shaking at the end of Dumbledore´s bed.

“Oh dear,” Pomfrey said and steered Rose to the next bed, fussing over her and only leaving her alone when she had eaten a gigantic bar of chocolate and had a steaming mug of tea in her hands. The Matron sat down at Rose´s side, heaving a heavy sigh.

“Stop fretting. He will be fine.”

“But what is it?” Rose peered at the now peacefully sleeping man.

“Exhaustion.” Pomfrey clicked her tongue in disapproval. “Tell me again what you have done.”

Rose retold quickly what had happened after Dumbledore had interrupted the Transfiguration lesson this morning. “And then he told me to wait down the corridor. I saw him take Severus´ hand but then I couldn´t see them anymore. As he followed me he seemed to be tired, but I thought it would be because of our visit.”

Madam Pomfrey shot a sharp look at Dumbledore, sighing in obvious frustration, and stepped to his side.

“Don´t be mad with me,” he whispered.

Rose flinched, she hadn´t noticed that Dumbledore was awake.

“Didn´t I tell you this would happen?” Pomfrey asked, leaning against Dumbledore´s bed. “Didn´t I tell you to step down, that not even Fawkes can help you endlessly?”

Dumbledore smiled ruefully. “Everything which is just and reasonable but I couldn´t leave Severus like this.”

“What have you done?” Pomfrey had blanched.

“I substituted him with some protection for a while. They give him a harder time than anyone else. I´m sure McClain asked for special care. Poppy, I have to bring Severus home, whole and sane.”

“You are a fool, Albus Dumbledore. It could kille you. Why don´t you ever listen to me? Are you so ready to die?” Madam Pomfrey turned away, face twisted, but Dumbledore took her hand before she could slip away.

“Poppy dear, you know I had to. It´s the only thing I can do for him at the moment.”

“It will drain you.”

“I can cut the connection at any time.”

“You better do that or magical exhaustion will be the smallest of your problems.”

Heavy silence spread in the room with Rose standing at the side and being utterly confused, not only by the conversation but also with the clearly affectionate behaviour of Pomfrey and Dumbledore.

Dumbledore lifted Pomfrey´s hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles softly.

Rose looked away, slightly embarrassed, then decided to bring herself back to their minds which her presence had slipped so obviously. Loudly she cleared her throat, shuffling awkwardly with her feet.

Dumbledore turned a blinding smile at Rose. “Thank you for bringing us home. I´m sorry you had to.”

“Uhm, yeah. So…What were you talking about?” And what the hell is going on between you, she added in her mind, frowning a little about Pomfrey´s hand still resting in Dumbledore´s.

“That is explained quickly,” the Matron snipped, placing both her hands on her hips. “Our brilliant Headmaster lives already for months with health threatening exhaustion because he can´t step back from his many duties or doesn´t want to. He worries himself sick because of Severus and now he established a link between his magical core and Severus´ to help poor Severus cope with the Dementors which will exhaust Albus even more and if he isn´t very, very cautious will kill him eventually.” Pomfrey had gotten louder with each word until she finished her explanation in a shout before turning abruptly and stormed off to her office.

Rose´s first impulse was to laugh. This whole situation was utterly strange. But then she thought again what Pomfrey had said and gazed at Dumbledore.

“You share your magic with him?” she asked with choked voice, closing the distance to Dumbledore´s bed.

“I promised to bring him home and I failed. Sharing some of my energy with him is the least I can do in this situation.”

“But what if it kills you? What will Severus do without you? Who will fight for him when you aren´t there anymore?” Tears leaked down Rose´s face, her hands were clenched into fists at her sides.

“You will. I know you´ll never give him up. I saw it in your eyes.” Dumbledore gave her a small but honest smile, taking her hand in his still too frail looking one.

Rose gulped. “I feel so bad,” she sobbed. “He´s all alone in this hell hole and I…I betray him with his best friend, his only friend. God, you were right not to approve. It´s so shameful.” She hid her face behind her hands.

“There, there my dear girl. I had some time to think about the topic and had some help to see some bits of what I thought slightly different now.” Dumbledore smiled again at Rose, nodding. “I know you love Severus and just today I had it confirmed again. There is no shame to love Remus as well. You obviously have this much love in you, so yes, why shouldn´t you share it?”

“Oh, so you finally agree with me?” Madam Pomfrey had walked over unnoticed by Rose.

The Matron petted gently Rose´s shoulder. “Both Severus and Remus are lucky to have someone like you care about them. Don´t worry. You´ll see it all will play out well in the end.”

“But I can´t continue to…”

“Shush,” Madam Pomfrey held her hand up. “I´m fairly sure Severus wants you to be happy and you seem happy with Remus. Don´t rush a decision. Give yourself some time and sleep on it and tomorrow everything will look different.” Turning to Dumbledore she added distinctively harsher, “And you will rest now, or I´ll sedate you for the rest of the week.”

Still glum, Rose bid both the Headmaster and Hogwarts´ Matron goodbye. At the door she briefly glanced back and couldn´t help but smile as she saw Madam Pomfrey bend over Dumbledore´s bed and stroke his cheek before leaning further down. Before they actually kissed, and Rose was sure they would, Rose turned and left the hospital wing.

***

“Remus!” Hermione knocked harshly. She was already inside before he had the chance to say anything. “Is she here?”

“Who?”

“Rose.”

“No.” Remus frowned alarmed. “Why?”

“Professor Dumbledore came and asked Rose for a conversation yesterday. When she didn´t come back we thought she´d be with you overnight, but now someone said Dumbledore is in the hospital wing.”

“What? Stay here.”

“No.” Hermione followed Remus out of the door and hurried to keep up with him as he almost flew down the corridor.

“Where´s Rose? What happened?” Remus asked, bursting into the infirmary.

“Not in this tone!” Madam Pomfrey said. “Behave or I´ll hex you out of this door.” She swished her wand in front of Remus.

“Poppy, it´s all right. Let him in. He´s clearly frightened.” Dumbledore sat up and leant heavily against the headrest. “Now from the beginning, please.”

“Rose disappeared,” Hermione said before Remus could say it. “We heard that you´re in the infirmary but she never came back to Gryffindor tower.”

“She was indeed with me but left briefly after our arrival.” Dumbledore frowned.

“What happened? What have you done?” Remus came closer to Dumbledore´s bed, ready to shake the man to make him talk.

“We visited Severus.” Dumbledore briefly lined out why. “Maybe it hit her even harder than I thought.” He exchanged a worried glance with Madam Pomfrey.

“I need to look for her,” Remus said and stormed already away.

***

He had looked everywhere he could think of, even Severus´ quarters, but Rose was nowhere. Where could she have gone to?

Remus gazed out of a window. It was windy and a mix of rain and snow pelted to the newly half frozen ground. She wouldn´t be out there, would she?

He sprinted downstairs and almost ran into Sirius who stood with a group of Rose´s friends.

Remus stumbled and breathlessly asked Hermione, “News?”

“No. She´s like swallowed by the ground and the cloak and map is gone too. She could be everywhere.”

Remus gulped and finally locked eyes with Sirius. It was strange because for the first time in weeks Sirius didn´t avoid his gaze or glared back but returned his look, clearly worried about Rose.

“What if she´s outside? Hiding in the forest or who knows where.”

“It´s hardly possible to smell her with this weather going on,” Sirius mumbled. He still looked at Remus. Finally he turned to Rose´s friends. “Do you have something from her? A pullover or something like this? I need her scent before I´ll go out there.” He nodded at the portal.


	24. Chapter 24

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Rose hadn´t slept at all in the night. Every time she´d closed her eyes, she´d seen Severus in his small cell again and how he´d whispered his love to her. How he´d finally, as the end of her visit had drawn closer, had taken her face in both his hands and had kissed her forehead.

“All I can hope for now is that you´ll be happy. Maybe we´ll met again someday.” He had looked at her for a long time and then had embraced her. “Thank you for the time we had. I know it never was easy but I´ll carry every second of it in my heart forever.” He´d pushed her gently away and then refused to look at her again. Dumbledore had sent her to wait around the next corner to have a moment in private with Severus.

It hurt to think about it. Severus´ words and his determination, his gaze as he had said it.

Rose breathed in.

It was time for breakfast already. She had watched her roommates in their morning routine while sitting under her invisibility cloak on the window sill. Hermione had cast suspicious looks around the room but had left without a word, leaving Rose behind with her dark thoughts, doubts and sadness.

Time seemed to become irregular. It didn´t tick away minute by minute but disappeared in chunks. One moment it was seven the next twelve minutes after seven and then suddenly half past eight and Rose still wasn´t dressed or had moved more than the occasional shift into a more comfortable position. Her back was cold from the cold stone she was leaning against and it rained again, only adding to her miserable feeling.

Her head thudded against the window. She closed her eyes.

“Rose?” Hermione asked and startled Rose out of her thoughts. “Merlin, woman. Where are you?” her friend muttered clearly to herself and crossed the room, peering into the bathroom only to find it as empty as the dormitory. Grumbling she stood for a moment uncertain in the room before approaching Rose´s bed. She lifted the mattress and looked under it. “I really hoped I just haven´t seen it…I wouldn´t be surprised at all if you´d be still here and laugh your ass off how we´re all searching for you.” Hermione´s mumbling had increased in volume and as she put the mattress back down, her gaze swept once again through the room. “You know, if you hear me you should know that we´re worried. We´ve asked Dumbledore about yesterday. Is that why you´re hiding? Because you´ve seen Severus?” Hermione stopped her monologue and frowned. “Perfect. Most likely she isn´t even here and I´m talking all to myself like a lunatic.”

Rose watched Hermione pick up Rose´s nightshirt and then storm off with it.

Again she closed her eyes.

“And you´re sure it isn´t here?” Remus asked.

Rose hit her head on the wall as she jerked awake from a little doze. Only barely she kept from cursing, scrunching her face up. Opening her eyes again, she saw Remus search under her mattress like Hermione had done some time earlier.

“I looked twice, both is gone, just like her.” Hermione looked worried. “I don´t know where she is or how to find her. I mean, she wouldn´t harm herself, would she?”

Remus swivelled around. “Harm herself?”

Rose saw him paling.

“Oh gods,” Remus groaned. He raked one hand through his hair, gaze haunted. “We have to find her.”

Rose rolled her eyes.

“I wouldn´t harm myself. I´m not the kind of woman who slices herself open because of a broken heart,” Rose said, slightly hoarse from being mute the whole day. Slowly she slipped from the window sill. Her muscles protested, after all she´d sat since the previous night on cold stone and hadn´t moved a lot.

Remus reached out with his hands, searching blindly in the air until he touched her. Angrily he jerked the cloak aside.

“Have you lost your mind?” he yelled but pulled Rose nonetheless in his arms. “We searched the castle and the grounds. Everyone´s alarmed. Sirius is in the forest with Hagrid and Fang. You can´t…damn it Rose! You can´t simply disappear like this!”

Rose pushed at Remus´ chest and writhed to get free.

“Don´t.” She looked up at him. “Just don´t.”

“Rose?”

“Everything changed just within a few hours.”

Remus swallowed visibly. “Everything?”

Rose nodded, face almost expressionless like a mask.

“I can´t be with you anymore.”

“I don´t understand.” Remus tried to come closer but Rose sidestepped him.

“I can´t pretend I have absolutely no doubts about us. Not after seeing Severus, not after he´d said that I´m the only thing giving him hope…”

The silence in the room was thick and heavy like a winter blanket, almost suffocating them all.

Remus took a deep quivering breath.

“Maybe all you need is some time to process these new impressions and when you´re ready we´ll talk about it and…”

“No. Remus, I´m serious. You and me that´s over.”

“Uhm, I hate to interrupt you,” Hermione said and stepped between them, eying them uneasily in turn. “But there are lots of people searching the castle and the grounds for Rose, maybe it would be better to tell everyone that you´re back and well. Sirius is certainly happy to come back inside.”

***

The big, black dog almost knocked Rose over as he ran into the castle. His fur was soaking wet and muddy. He sniffed and nudged Rose repeatedly before turning into a man.

Without a word he wrapped his arms around Rose, pressing her against his soaked and chill clothes, but Rose didn´t mind. She wrapped her arms around him too and held on.

“I´m sorry I frightened you.”

“It doesn´t matter. You´re back. You´re all right. You live.” Sirius squeezed her even tighter then suddenly he pushed her away, though not letting go of her. “Don´t do that ever again! You hear me?”

Rose nodded and found herself already back in Sirius´ bear-hug. Sneaking a glance past him she saw many smiling, relieved faces, except one. Remus stood a little aside, watching her and Sirius with a weary gaze. She felt remorse bubbling through her veins and quickly closed her eyes, concentrating on the safe feeling of Sirius´ arms around her.

“Well then,” Sirius said after some minutes of hugging and released Rose. “I´m frozen to the bones and definitely need dry clothes.”

“And tea.” Rose smiled.

“Yeah with a little flavour in it.” Sirius winked.

“Do you want some company too?” Rose asked, feeling suddenly shy and awkward.

Sirius hesitated only for a second. “I´d be happy to have company.”

***

Rose refilled their cups with tea, just tea for herself and tea with rum for Sirius. Since they´d arrived at Grimmauld Place, Sirius lived there again when he wasn´t in Hogwarts, they hadn´t spoken much, actually only as much as to settle for tea and, “No, Kreacher, we don´t want any snacks, but thank you anyway. You may go.”

Except the crackling of the fire in the hearth, silence lay over the room, leaving Rose by now wishing she´d not offered to come with Sirius. She had no idea where to look at and drank more tea even though she wasn´t thirsty.

Eventually, what felt a lot like finally, Sirius cleared his throat.

Rose looked up immediately.

“I think I own you an apology. I wasn´t in my right mind when I dragged you to Godric´s Hollow and left you there.”

Whatever Rose had expected this wasn´t what she´d thought of.

“Oh, uhm, I guess it´s all right. It was a long day and cold but Remus found me in the end.” She´d intended to sound casually but when she´d said Remus´ name her voice quivered audibly and she hated herself for sounding so weak. Irritable she took a quick breath through her nose and jerked her head to shake her fringe out of her eyes.

“Isn´t it completely crazy? Just think back a year when we last were here…Everything was still all right.”

“Not really.” Rose grimaced. “A year ago Severus was half dead and you and I…well, you know how it was between us.” Rose looked away, she´d remembered this angry kiss between them and felt now her cheeks grow warm. Cautiously she glanced at Sirius. He swallowed heavily and seemed embarrassed too.

“Ok, nothing was all right and besides Severus´ health, I already thought you and Remus would be together so…ok, let´s not talk about that.” Sirius eyed his tea and then grabbed the bottle of rum, taking a swig directly from it.

They fell into silence again.

Rose stroked a drop of tea around the rim of the cup until it was dry. She sighed in exasperation.

“This here is horrible. We can´t even really look at each other, much less find a topic to talk about. What are we doing here?”

Sirius nodded. “You´re right.”

Rose waited but he said nothing more.

“Sirius…This is really awkward. I mean, what happened these last weeks, I can´t turn back time and undo everything.”

“I´m sure you wouldn´t want to undo everything even if you could.” He clicked his tongue and then looked at Rose, lips slightly pursed and pressed together and eyebrows lifted which made his eyes big and questioning.

“I´m so confused.”

“Tell me about it.” He nodded reassuringly.

“I don´t think you´re the right one to listen to that.”

“I could try. Rose, look, it might´ve looked as if I don´t care about you, but you´re important for me. I stopped being around and everything because I knew I wouldn´t be able to hold back my hurt feelings and disappointment. Leaving you alone was my way to prevent you from being even more hurt. I´m not sure you can understand that but…”

“Yes, I do. Maybe I´d needed you around, though. But somehow I understand you couldn´t. And in some ways it might´ve been for the best that you kept out of it, but honestly I missed you. Remus wasn´t the only one I got closer with. You´ve been there for me too, just in another way.” Rose smiled sadly.

Sirius´ chair screeched as he pushed it back on the stone floor. He stood up and rounded the table, taking Rose´s hand and pulling her up and into his arms.

“I was so angry with Remus and with you, but most of all Remus. Earlier Hermione came to me and told me you´d disappeared. She said some more things especially about me being an obstinate donkey. She also outlined very roughly what happened between you and Remus since Christmas.” Sirius coughed lightly. “There was not that much between you, was it?”

“Well, given the briefness of the time there was a lot.”

“But you weren´t together this whole time. From what Hermione said it wasn´t easy for you. I really thought…Well, let´s say I hadn´t thought you´d have scruples.”

Rose leant back and stepped out of Sirius´ embrace.

“I feel so bad for having feelings for Remus. It´s just that…I can´t even explain it properly. Those feelings are so overwhelming, it´s as if I´m powerless against them. I love Severus and I want him back so badly but then there´s Remus and I can´t stop this…this pull. It´s as if I´m pulled to him constantly. My head is so full of him. Sometimes it feels as if I´m drugged. I just can´t help but collide with him. I can´t keep away for long. Even now, even though I miss Severus even more than before and feel even worse for what´s happened with Remus, I wish he´d be here. Does that make any sense?” Rose clasped her hands together, watching Sirius.

“It sounds a lot like you´re freaking, madly in love with two men.” Sirius sighed and rubbed one hand over his face. “I know I wanted you to tell me, but wow, it´s hard to hear you saying it out loud.”

“I´m sorry. I just wish I could turn back time.” Tears stung in her eyes as she thought about how it had been and how it had changed, how **they** had changed, how complicated everything had become. “I want you back in my life. I want you back in Remus´ life. I miss coming over to you and stay a whole Sunday on your sofa, talk to you and drink hot chocolate with marshmallows and watch you and Remus bicker about little nothings and just be in love.” The pooling tears spilled over her cheeks, dropping from her chin. “But I can´t turn back time,” she whispered.

“No one can, but we can try to make it better in the future.” Sirius embraced her again. He stroked her back and kissed her hair, but his gaze was glued to the other side of the room where Remus stood in the doorway, already for some time now.

They nodded at each other, barely perceptible. Remus then turned and as quietly as he´d arrived earlier left No 12 Grimmauld Place.


	25. Chapter 25

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Rose watched with a smile how Sirius walked along the Head Table and stopped next to Remus, obviously asking him if he could sit next to him.

“So, they´re talking to each other again?” Hermione asked.

“Obviously.” Rose nodded and turned her head away from the Head Table, facing her friends. “I hope they´ll get together again.”

“And what about you?” Draco put his hand on hers, gently squeezing her fingers.

“I have no idea, but I hope Remus and I can sort this out. I don´t want to lose him completely.”

“That´ll be hard. I can´t imagine to be just friends with someone I love, romantically I mean.” Ron scratched his head. He looked thoughtfully at Draco. “It would be damn painful if you´d leave me but tell me we should try to be friends anyway, especially when we both know that we still love each other.”

“I couldn´t do it,” Draco agreed.

“But Rose´s situation is a little more complicated don´t you think?” Hermione asked.

“I´m sure Rose knows what´s best for her now,” Luna said, looking at Rose while leaning over Neville who sat next to Hermione and frowned thoughtfully.

“I´m not so sure about that, Luna…” Rose pushed her plate away, placing her elbows on the table. “It´s really not as if I could just snap my fingers and what I´m feeling for Remus disappears. All I can hope for is that it won´t be too awkward between us.”

Rose´s expression furrowed into a deep frown before she suddenly grinned and clapped her hands. “So, is it true? Cooper´s back today?”       

Draco grimaced, but took the plain hint to change the topic, grimacing a little more when he said, “Yeah, aren´t we lucky?”

***

Cooper was indeed back after his one week stay in the infirmary. He sat already behind his desk, lips pursed and eyes narrowed while he watched the students dribble casually and without haste into the room. Rose and her friends were one of the last ones.

“Good morning class!” Cooper said as no one made any move to get quiet and stood up, hands on the table top.

Rose glanced at Hermione and nodded. They´d discussed to be as polite as possible. Rose really hoped Cooper had taken her words to heart and they could at least make it through classes without fight.

“I hope you enjoyed your leisure time without me.” Cooper smiled thin-lipped. His eyes flickered to Rose. “However, I´m back now and had enough time to think about the curriculum for the rest of this year. I hope you like my selection.”

Rose looked at the blackboard where Cooper´s list appeared in his barely readable scrawl. She lifted her hand.

“Miss Potter…” Cooper rolled his eyes but nodded.

“There´s Wolfsbane Potion on your list. Do you want us to brew it?”

“At least you should try. It is a very difficult potion after all.” He nodded. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips that finally broke free, brightening his face. “We will see how you manage.”

Rose was confused. That was the most helpful answer she had gotten from the man so far.

“Thank you, sir.”

Cooper nodded in acknowledgement and waved his wand. A handful of lines on the blackboard turned red.

“I want you to start brewing these.” He pointed at the highlighted potions. “Form groups and try not to mess up too terribly they are for the infirmary.”

***

“Well, that wasn´t too bad, right?” Rose asked after the lesson as she climbed the stairs with Draco and Hermione at each side.

“It´s really creepy,” Draco said.

“What?”

“You saying something about Cooper that isn´t an insult.”

“Well…I promised to give it a try. And besides, he was much nicer and almost affable.” As nice a change as it was, Rose secretly decided to keep a watchful eye on the man, not that he only tried to fool her into believing he had changed and then he came up with something nasty.

When they reached the entrance hall Rose saw Remus come in through the portal. He stopped as he saw her and tentatively lifted his hand in greeting.

“Excuse me a moment,” Rose said to her friends and walked over.

“I wasn´t sure if you´d like to talk to me,” Remus admitted lowly.

“Are you angry with me?”

“No, actually I´m more afraid you´ll eventually ignore me because you can´t stand my presence.”

“Don´t be stupid.” Rose smiled and then, feeling like it, hugged him.

Remus returned the hug immediately.

Rose breathed in and sighed as she smelled Remus. She felt immediately good. This was so familiar…too familiar. With an embarrassed clearing of her throat she stepped away, blushing.

“We shouldn´t…”

“No, we shouldn´t,” Remus agreed.

“At least for the moment.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let´s live it down first.”

“Well…then…uhm…it was nice to meet you and…” Rose half extended her hand before pulling it back. Never could she just give Remus her hand for a goodbye. But what else should she do? Finally only nodding she hustled back to her friends.

“Jeez, that looked so awkward I don´t even want to imagine how it felt.” Draco gave Rose a commiserate look before putting one arm around her shoulder to steer her into the Great Hall for lunch.

They´d barely sat down when Sirius came in, directly walking towards them.

“Hello,” he said, sounding almost a little shy. “Uhm…I wondered if you have already plans after your last class or if you´d like to meet me for tea. Or some other day, if it´s inconvenient today.”

“No!” Rose said much too loud, almost shouting. “I mean, no, I have no plans. Should we meet at 5?”

“Yeah, perfect. Let´s meet at the portal.” Sirius grinned and walked quickly away.

Rose buried her face in her hands.

“Jap, that was not less awkward,” Draco commented now with a barely suppressed chuckle.

***

“Remus?” Rose asked timidly and approached his desk. “How are you?”

Remus looked up from the notes he was taking. He clearly took his time to think about an answer and Rose almost thought he wouldn´t answer at all when he smiled sadly.

“I miss you.” He nodded to emphasise his words. “I may understand your reasoning but it doesn’t´ change the fact that I want you to come back to me.”

Rose nodded too. She felt what he was saying. The last week hadn´t been easy for her either, but she tried too hard not to acknowledge it to change her mind just so.

“Tomorrow´s full moon, huh?” she asked, but immediately knew it was no better topic.

Remus scrunched up his face.

“Sorry,” Rose said. She looked down at the floor, shuffling with her feet. Why was it suddenly so hard to talk to Remus?

“At least I´m not alone this time,” Remus offered.

Rose looked up. “No?”

“Sirius asked to join me.”

“Oh, that´s good, isn’t it?”

“I guess it is.”

“You´re spending more time together again?”

“You know we do. You and I meet often enough when one of us leaves and the other comes…” Remus´ voice trailed off when their eyes met.

Rose exhaled softly. She closed her eyes when Remus gently touched her cheek, leaning into his hand.

“I hate it,” he whispered. His breath brushed her lips.

His kiss tasted so much like coming home that Rose began to question how horrible it really would be if she´d decide to be with him and how much she valued Sirius´ feeling in this matter, but then she heard the door swing open and Rose pulled away. Feeling caught and guilty she looked over her shoulder. Sirius stood there with carefully neutral expression. He stared at them for just a heartbeat longer then left without saying a word.

“You should go and talk to him,” Rose said, backing away.

“Yes.” Remus walked to the door, his hand lingered on the handle, hesitating. Instead of leaving to go after Sirius he closed the door and turned back around to face Rose. “Do my feelings for you even matter in your decision to leave me?”

“They do, of course they do. But Sirius is back now. And you know he´s hurt.”

“So you left me because of Severus and you won´t consider coming back because of Sirius.” Remus couldn´t hold back the derisive sneer twisting his lips.

“I wish you and him would find together again and that you and I could be friends again.”

Remus crossed the room and came back to her. Leaning casually bac against a desk, he shook his head, sadly. “I´m not sure this will happen. It´s more likely that Sirius and I will be only friends again instead of lovers.”

“Then maybe we all should try to be friends instead of lovers.”

Remus slumped dejectedly. Rose felt even more horrible than when she´d actually told him she´d break up with him. She bit her lip and finally found the strength to look away and leave the classroom before Remus could say or do anything that would change her mind after all.

***

Sirius was thankfully not angry and didn´t withdraw again. Actually he was quite spirited and Rose quickly stopped worrying. However, she noticed not without a pang of jealousy that, even though Remus had thought it unlikely, Sirius and Remus spent loads of time together and more often than not she saw them talking and laughing just like nothing had happened. But then again she and Sirius had found back together too and it felt just like nothing had happened between them at all. Maybe it could have been like it had been between the three of them wouldn´t it have been for the obvious rift forming between Remus and Rose.

After Sirius had seen them kissing both Rose and Remus kept trying to act casual around each other without being too obvious that they actually tried to avoid the other one. They were so careful not to be too close that every time they met turned into a painfully awkward play of two people trying desperately to pretend to feel all right in the presence of the other one while obviously hiding their true feelings.

So, despite Sirius wishing for it to be different, especially Rose withdrew from spending any time with Remus except in classes.

Elise was the only one Rose talked to about her feelings for Remus and how hard it was to want him back on the one hand but don´t want to risk her new found relationship with Sirius on the other hand. Not to mention the bad taste those thoughts left whenever she thought about Severus.

And while everything was in change and Rose and Remus broke apart, Remus´ and Sirius´ relationship blossomed again.  

So it wasn´t too surprising that Rose finally walked in on them, kissing in Sirius´ office.

“Oh, I´m sorry,” Rose spluttered and quickly closed the door.

She still held the door knob when the door was torn open again.

“As if you haven´t seen that before,” Sirius snipped and pulled Rose over the threshold. “What´s wrong with you?” he asked as he saw Rose´s puffy eyes and red nose. Gently he brushed a tear from her cheek.

“Tomorrow is Valentine´s day,” Remus said instead of Rose, gazing at her.

“I know that tomorrow is Valentine´s day but…oh.” Sirius fell silent as the Knut finally dropped. “Your first anniversary.” He pulled Rose against his chest, wrapped his arms around her and whispered into her ear, “Treacle tart?” When Rose didn´t answer he shrugged. “Know what? I just have a look what the house-elves can provide.” With that he disappeared before Rose could protest.

Standing with crossed legs and looking down at her feet, Rose pulled the sleeves of her pullover as far as possible over her hands and rubbed her thumb over her lips. Of course she knew that Remus was there, but maybe, if she just pretended hard enough, she could convince herself she´d be alone in Sirius´ office, waiting for him to come back with sweets.

However, out of the corner of her eyes she saw the light movement whenever Remus bobbed back and forth on his feet.

Eventually she looked up, immediately meeting Remus´ eyes.

***

“I can´t say that I´m overly surprised,” Sirius stated dryly and placed a plate on his desk, noticing how Rose jumped away from Remus and lifted her hands to her lips as if she couldn´t believe what she´d done.

Still touching her lips, she looked through the room and then fled, running away as if the devil himself was chasing her.

“Well…My plan was to cheer her up not to make her even more miserable.” Sirius turned to Remus. “I knew you wouldn´t be able to keep that horrible play up for long.”

Remus sank down on the sofa behind him, burying his face in his hands.

“Just in case you´re wondering, I´m not mad with you.” Sirius took the place next to Remus, leaning his head back into his interlaced fingers.

“I´m sorry…This should´ve been our new beginning and I ruin it after not even half an hour,” Remus´ voice sounded muffled from behind his hands.

Sirius kept quiet. He knew sooner or later Remus would stop hiding and have a look why he was silent, then, only then, he would talk to him.

And he was right.

Forty-seven seconds later, Remus turned his head, looking at Sirius who now bent forward, elbows on his knees and returned the gaze.

“You´re not ruining it,” he finally answered. “I actually thought it wouldn´t take you so long.”

Remus seemed confused.

“You can´t erase your feelings only because you try to ignore them. Believe me, I tried. Even when I wanted to stop loving you I couldn´t. Why should this between you and Rose be any different? I know you love each other, damn it, you can virtually grab and squeeze it when you´re together. But what you´re doing at the moment is unhealthy. I see how hurt you are, both of you, even when you pretend you aren´t and everything is fine.” Sirius leant back again, huffing.

“So what?” Remus asked, not turning to look at Sirius, not until Sirius grabbed his upper arm and turned him around.

“Rose wants you and you want her.”

“I want to be with you.”

“Yes and I with you. But maybe all that isn´t as mutually exclusive as we thought so far.”


	26. Chapter 26

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“Oh by Merlin´s rotting balls,” Sirius muttered and stalked through the dark, cold corridors of Hogwarts. He and Remus had talked. They´d talked the whole evening and had exchanged points of view and opinion after opinion.

Sirius harrumphed. Remus had been surprisingly stubborn. Why was that so complicated, even now?

It had been a tiring and long evening so far, he hoped it wouldn´t become even more so. His mood dropped when he tried for the third time to get the Fat Lady to acknowledge him.

“Oh, come on. I know you´re awake, you always are,” he said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

“Sirius Black,” the portrait finally said darkly, raising one painted eyebrow, “do you have even a whiff of an idea how late it is?”

“Yes, thank you, would you open up now? I have important business to tend to.”

“Oh you! You always have important business even as student you had and it never was anything orderly. There is ruckus and chaos wherever you go.”

Sirius drew a deep breath, biting back the harsh reply and instead forced his face into an amiable smile. “You know that I am Rose´s godfather, don´t you? I have to talk to her. It´s important.”

“Miss Potter, of course, she inherits the same lack of interest in rules. Go to bed, Professor Black and come back to a decent time.” The Fat Lady closed demonstratively her eyes and turned her head away.

But Sirius had finally enough. “Remember how it feels like to be sliced open by a knife?” he snarled. "I reckon I can imitate that with my wand." He brandished the item in question in front of the portrait. Immediately he got the desired reaction.

The Fat Lady shrieked and then swung open without another word. Sirius huffed, tossing a sarcastic, “Thanks ever so much,” over his shoulder as he climbed through the hole into the Gryffindor common room.

Everything was dark, just as it had to be at two in the morning.

Quietly Sirius stood in front of the stairs to the girls´ dormitories. He was no student anymore but a member of the staff, a teacher. The wicked steps would let him climb upstairs, wouldn't they?

Just to be on the safe side he grasped his wand tight and the banister to his left even tighter and cautiously placed one foot on the first step. Nothing happened. Quickly, taking always two steps at once, he ascended. Though, after he´d already managed three-fourths of the stairs the guarding magic flared into life. The stairs turned into a slide and with a pandemonium that roused the whole Gryffindor tower, Sirius, ricocheting from the walls on several occasions, plunged back into the common room. Groaning and sprawled on the floor, he made an quick internal inventory, but found no evidence of anything broken or otherwise injured, except for the many bruises he felt already blooming and which would colour him in spots of black and blue not too far in the future.

"Blasted stairs! For fuck's sake Hogwarts, I'm a teacher you ancient fucked up pile of stones and dust," Sirius snarled not too quietly.

"Sirius?" Rose asked, reaching the end of what were now ordinary stairs again.

Sirius grumbled a few more choice swear words while heaving himself up. He straightened his rumpled clothes and eyed his wand which was thankfully still in one piece. Then he looked at his goddaughter who looked extraordinary pale and fragile. He sighed soundly.

"Everyone except Rose back to your beds and be quick about it." Sirius let a meaningful look roam through the room before he fixed his attention back on Rose.

Rose waited patiently for her housemates to leave but all the time regarded Sirius with raised eyebrows.

"We have to talk." Sirius started without preamble as the last tail of pyjama was out of sight.

"In the middle of the night? Couldn't that wait until morning?"

Sirius' expression got grim. "No. Now go and put something warm on." He made a shooing gesture towards the stairs.

***

“Sirius, I´m sorry for earlier. I hate myself because it happened. It won´t happen again. I swear,” Rose babbled anxiously but followed Sirius out of the castle.

At the gates he stopped and took her hand. He squeezed gently.

They reappeared somewhere even colder than it was at Hogwarts and surrounded by trees. Not far away on a small clearing stood a tiny house with weathered walls and some missing roof tiles. A thin layer of snow frosted their surroundings.

Rose glanced at Sirius. He wouldn´t abandon her again, would he?

“Come, let´s go inside,” Sirius said and walked ahead.

Ten minutes later Rose was no ounce wiser why Sirius had brought her in the middle of the night to some dank, cold excuse for a house when he wanted to talk to her. She wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck and her hands around the warmed butterbeer in front of her.

Sirius finally finished rummaging through the cupboards and filled himself a tumbler with something that smelled sweet and like almonds. Rose didn't ask what it was even though she certainly was interested in tasting it.

"I think you can guess what this is about," Sirius asked after sipping from his drink, smacking his lips appreciatively.

"Yes," Rose whispered. She fiddled with the mug in front of her and then, following an intuition, snatched the glass from Sirius' hands, sniffing the amber liquid.  Without a word, Sirius left his drink to Rose and accioed a second glass, filling it too. He raised his glass to Rose and emptied half of it.

Rose sniffed again and then took a tentative sip. It tasted as sweet as it smelled and the burn of alcohol was mild. She took another sip, bigger this time and nodded across the table.

"That's good."

"Don't get used to it," Sirius replied gruffly but smirked. However, his face fell back into a soft scowl. "Remus," he said without further explanation.

“I told you I´m sorry.”

"He´s heartbroken,” Sirius replied. “You´re heartbroken, too.”

“So?” Rose turned her head away from Sirius´ intent gaze and took a closer look at her surroundings. They sat in a mix of kitchen and living room. The furniture was old and battered and didn´t match the slightest. The wallpaper, a faded floral pattern, peeled of the walls. Everything looked cramped and overfilled, except the bookshelves which were entirely empty.

“Rose. Let´s talk about it, ok?”

“What is this place?” Rose asked instead.

Sirius sighed but gave in.

“It´s Remus´ house. He kept it just in case I´d set my mind on getting rid of him eventually.” He shrugged then kept silent. A clock ticked in the background. After extensive minutes of silence, Sirius emptied his glass and placed it with a clonk back on the table.

“Go back to him.” Sirius leant a little forward, both elbows placed on the table.

Rose lost momentarily the ability to answer. Her mouth gaped open and she stared in utter bewilderment at her godfather. That was not what she'd expected. In favour to earn a few more seconds to get used to the thought, she emptied her glass, but got it the wrong way down. Spluttering and coughing, she tried to breath, her eyes watered.

“Oi, not so hasty…” Sirius rounded the table and slapped Rose a few times on the back. As the worst coughing was over he placed a glass of water in front of her and resumed his former place opposite her.

“You didn´t mean that, did you?” Rose croaked and cleared her throat.

“Of course I did, you should enjoy the taste and not chuck it down like pumpkin juice.”

Rose stared again at him before it dawned on her that he meant the drink.  She made a growling sound and rolled her eyes. “I meant Remus.”

“Oh, of course you did.” Sirius raked one hand through his hair, scratching his neck. “Look, I can´t say that I´m completely convinced of the idea of you and him, but I also realised that maybe we could find a way to make it work and besides I wish we could be a family again, even if it is such a messed-up one.”

“And why do we have to be together for that?”

“Because otherwise you´re avoiding each other like the literal plague,” Sirius huffed.

“But you hate to see him with me.”

“When that´s your only concern then ignore it. You have my blessing.”

“You´re joking,” Rose said in utter disbelieve.

“I wish.”

Rose stood up, she couldn´t sit still. She started strolling around the small room, looking here and there, picking occasional random trinkets up and tried to imagine Remus living here. Though imagining that wasn´t too difficult after all, she acknowledged. She could virtually see Remus in the tatty armchair immersed in one of his books or Remus standing in the kitchen, heating water for tea.

In the middle of her thoughts, her look brushed over Sirius who watched her with utmost concentration. Rose halted and turned completely to him.

“I don´t want happiness at your expense.”

“So, he would make you happy?” Sirius asked. A soft smile grazed his lips.  

“Yes, of course he would, but…”

“No. No but. I´m open to give it a try. I want to see you and him happy. That is all what matters to me, really.”

Rose stared at him.

“What happened to your attitude you had in my parent´s house? How wrong it would be?”

“Have you never before changed your mind when you had time to think about something?”

“And if we bollocks it up? Or what if we **are** happy and you hate it? I don´t know if I could stand losing you again.”

“I don´t know. I can´t tell you either. All we can do is try it and see how it works.”

Rose chewed her bottom lip. She fidgeted with her hands. Her gaze flicked to Sirius and away and back to Sirius. But she said no word, waited for him to fill the silence.

After a moment Sirius stood up and shuffled over to her. He cupped her face, tilting her head up.

“I want us to be a family again. I´m willing to give it a try because it means I can have both of you back in my life without one of you running away from the other one and feeling horrible in his presence.”

Rose shook her head free and lowered her gaze to the floor. Sirius´ hands rested on her shoulders now. She took a deep breath, glancing up.

“I don´t know.”

“Why?”

“Severus...”

Sirius groaned and took a step back from Rose. “That´s ridiculous.” He paced a few steps up and down in the small room, eventually stopping in front of Rose again. “You and Remus can barely keep away from each other otherwise you wouldn´t avoid each other so studiously but now when I´m telling you that I´m willing to let you have him you start with Severus again?”

“I love him.”

“Damn it, Rose! Yes, you love the git, but you also love Remus. And just as a thought, you can´t spent the rest of your life waiting for Severus.”

“Thirty years.”

“Yes and that´s a really fucking long time and believe me, at the end of these years there won´t be much left of the man you know now. Your Severus will be gone.”

Rose looked at Sirius, his grey eyes holding her gaze until she looked down, sinking on the chair behind her.

Sirius crouched down in front of her.

“I´m so afraid to do anything. Everything seems wrong,” Rose whispered.

“Then listen to your elder.” Sirius tried but failed to hide his grin.

Rose chuckled.

“You really mean it, don´t you?”

“Yes, I really mean it.”

“Can I think about it?”

“Actually I think you shouldn´t think any more than you do anyway, but I let you sleep on it the rest of the night. How does that sound?”

“Like you´re trying to screw out my consent to whatever cost.”

Sirius laughed and pressed a kiss to Rose´s forehead then he stood up, extending his hand.

“Let´s bring you back to bed,” he said.

After having led Rose to her common room, he went back to Remus, feeling as if he´d done something good tonight.


	27. Chapter 27

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Of course already the next day everyone talked about Sirius´ nightly appearance in Gryffindor tower and how he had taken Rose with him.

That was how Remus learned about it too.

“So, you left without waking me.”

“You didn´t notice and I came back, didn´t I?” Sirius looked up from his breakfast assortment and glanced at Rose.

“Care to tell me what was so urgent you had to rouse my complete house in the middle of the night just to talk to your goddaughter?” Remus hadn´t even begun to eat.

“Our conversation.”

“You really went to her to talk about that? At two in the morning?”

“Of course. I told you what I think about you and her and I went and tried to make her come back to you.”

Remus inhaled and opened his mouth but kept quiet, staring dumbstruck at Sirius.

“Close your mouth, love, the students are gaping. It´s fine. Rose will think about what I said. It´ll be all right, you´ll see.” Sirius grinned. “Oh there, look…The post.”

In a woosh of wings, hundreds of owls swooped into the Great Hall, leaving as much letters and parcels as spilled juice and milk in their wake.

“You´ve planned something, haven´t you?” Remus asked, following Sirius´ gaze to Rose.

***

“Oi, Rose, a Valentine´s greeting.” Ron grinned as Rose freed Hedwig from the letter.

“Yeah,” Rose said, trying to smile. She felt not at all like smiling. She was tired after her nightly trip with Sirius, she hadn´t slept much afterwards. Her head had been too full with questions, possibilities and more questions not to mention worries. And now, in the morning, her head hurt and her stomach felt as if someone had filled it with rocks in the brief moments she´d nodded off.

“Ron,” Hermione hissed.

“It´s all right Hermione,” Rose said. “He´s not the only one who forgot.”

“Forgot what?” Ron asked, looking puzzled from one to the other.

Draco leant over, whispering in his ear.

Ron paled at first then his ears started to glow red, spreading the heat until he was bright red in the face.

“I´m sorry, Rose…”

“No, you don´t have to be.” Rose smiled again, this time an honest smile.

“So, will you open this letter?” Draco asked.

“It´s from Sirius.”

“And that means you won´t read it?”

Rose gave Draco a waspish look and ripped the letter open.

“Seems I have a date today,” Rose concluded after reading the meagre information which only said: 10.30am, portal, wear something warm.

“That means you´re not coming with us to Hogsmeade.”

“I think I wouldn´t have anyway. I´m not that eager to spend a day between happy couples.”

“Pansy´s coming too and…” Draco started.

“She´s with this Ravenclaw, Jonas Loopsmith…Lopesmith? Whatever. She´s with Jonas,” Rose said.

No one said a word. Rose finally chuckled.

“Don´t worry, Sirius won´t let me mope. I guess I´m fine today.”

***

When Rose reached the portal she was sweating. Maybe it would´ve been better to carry her winter jacket over her arm instead of wearing it already in the castle. But now it was too late anyway.

Sirius waited for her.

“Ready?” He smiled.

“Care to tell me what we´re doing?”

“It would ruin the surprise,” Sirius said and set out on a quick pace towards the gates.

“Every time I follow you, you apparate me somewhere I´ve never been before,” Rose muttered.

“Yeah, isn´t that exiting?”

Rose rolled her eyes but couldn´t help but laugh out loud when she saw Sirius´ excited grin.

“Ok, then, let´s go.”

“Just a sec.” Sirius looked back to the castle, frowned, then turned to the gates again and his face brightened. “Knew, you´d be early,” he said and took Rose´s hand.

Before she could do as much as turn her head too she was sucked away.

Reappearing in a tiny side alley, right next to an overflowing refuse skip that smelled horrible, Rose stumbled.

“I knew you´d trick me,” she said.

“You said we´d be alone,” Remus said at the same moment.

“Be quiet, both of you and follow me, or we´re late.” Quickly Sirius strode ahead, leaving Rose and Remus to follow him.

Leaving the side alley, however, they stopped yet again.

Sirius pointed ahead.

“You see all those dogs?”

Remus nodded.

“Good, there´s a registration. Here´s everything you´ll need. Money too.”

“What are you doing?” Remus snapped as Sirius pushed a small backpack into his hands and promptly turned into his doggish alter-ego.

Dog-Sirius nudged the backpack with his muzzle.

Remus peered inside and laughed. “You´re crazy.”

Inside the backpack was indeed money, also a bright red collar with matching leash, plus some dog treats with peppermint flavour.

“You want us to go on a walk with you?” Rose asked.

Sirius wagged his tail and hopped a few steps towards the crowd of other dogs, coming back and snapping for the leash, pulling at it.

“Oh, you better leash him,” a male voice said from behind.

Rose, completely bewildered, turned and found a man in his fifties, wearing a thick black jacket, scarf and hat, next to woman who looked a little miffed and carried a small, pullover-wearing dog on her arm.

“You want to join the Valentine´s dog-walk?” the man asked.

“I guess we want,” Remus said, gazing sheepishly at Rose.

“Well, at least your dog seems excited. But it´s for a good cause too, isn´t it? We´re walking every year and Lex loves meeting other dogs. Don´t you, my sweet?” The man patted the head of a big, very hairy, grey dog which sat very well-behaved at his right side and which neither Remus nor Rose had noticed until now.

“Honey!” The woman said through clenched teeth. “We´ll be late.”

“We don´t want to hold you back,” Remus said, smiling. “We´ll just leash our madcap and follow. Maybe we´ll meet later again.”

The man waved friendly and with a big smile, patting Sirius´ head when passing, while his wife gave them a pinched smile and hastened ahead.

“You really expect us to go on a walk with you and play a happy couple?” Remus asked, crouching in front of Sirius and fastening the collar.

Sirius shook his head.

“Then, what?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. He huffed. Finally he stood up and nudged Remus´ hand which held the leash.

Remus clicked the clasp into the ring on the collar and turned to Rose.

“I can bring you back if you like.”

Rose shrugged but then shook her head. “It´s just a walk…Could be worse.”

The walk cost 5 pounds per dog and was set to last an hour. Organised by a charity working to rescue and rehoming dogs.

“We should ask why he knows this charity,” Rose wondered after Remus had paid the 5 pounds. Sirius paced next to her, sniffing here and there, more than ready to start the walk.

“He has a thing for dogs,” Remus said casually, looking around. There were not too many couples, more single owners and their dogs. Somehow that was a relief. “Listen, I had no idea you´d be here too. Actually I had no idea I would be here either.”

“Yeah, let´s make the best of it.”

Sirius seemed to grin. Rose ignored his smug, dog face.

“I wish we´d start walking. I´m getting cold.” Rose burrowed deeper into her jacket, now wishing she´d brought gloves and a hat too.

“It might be a little big, but you can have it.” Remus pulled a knitted hat in Gryffindor red from his pocket.

Rose looked from the hat to Remus and started laughing.

“I can take the leash. So you can put your hands in your pockets,” Remus said when Rose took the hat. Their hands touched briefly.

Sirius looked attentively at them, finally nudging Remus´ hand.

“Yes, Sirius?”

Sirius barked softly, more a sounding huff.

Around them the crowd started walking.

Sirius seemed impatient.

Finally he took hold of Remus´ sleeve with his teeth and pulled him close to Rose.

“I think he wants you to take my hand.”

Sirius woofed and wagged his tail. He looked at them as if he wanted to say, “Come on, there´s nothing to it.” He looked over his shoulder and woofed again. Most of the other dogs were already gone.

Remus extended his hand, wrapping it gently around Rose´s. “You´re all right with it?”

“I guess I have to be, you know Sirius,” Rose replied then smiled. “It´s definitely warmer than before.”

***

Rose and Remus had spent the first half of the walk in silence, bringing up the rear, before they fell in light, easy conversation. They also held hands all the time, even after they´d reached a location where the dogs were able to run freem they´d not let go and stood rather close together, Rose even leaning a little against Remus.

“Sorry, but is that your dog?” a young woman asked, approaching them. She pointed across the lawn where a big, black dog led half of the attending dogs into a huge, muddy puddle.

Remus groaned and covered his eyes with his free hand.

“Is one of the others yours?” Rose asked.

“You see that white one with the pink collar?” The young woman looked miserable as said dog jumped head first into the mud. “That´s mine.”

Remus smiled sourly and walked towards the puddle. Most of the other dog owners had grouped around it too, shouting, calling, coaxing their dogs.

“Sirius!” Remus yelled when he was close enough. “Come here! Now!”

Stopping his mud splattering sprint through the puddle, Sirius turned ever so slowly to Remus. It seemed as if he´d sigh but he obeyed and trudged over.

The other dogs watched him go and then followed suit and listened to their owners.

“What were you thinking?” Remus hissed.

Sirius sat down in front of him, giving him the literal doggy look.

All around them people complained to their dogs about how they should get them clean again.

Remus sighed. “At least getting you presentable again is easy.”

“Just not here,” Rose said, arriving next to them. “Gods, you look like a pig after wallowing in mud.”

“Well, exactly what he did.” Remus crossed his arms over his chest. “I´m not sure yet if I should laugh about it or punish you.”

Sirius hung his head, whining lowly.

“Oh come on, you´re such an actor.” Remus shook his head. “Let´s get you home and cleaned.”

***

Grimmauld Place was silent and cold with no one living there regularly all the time. Sirius really only came here to sleep.

Kreacher was thrilled to have Miss Rose back to tend to. He disappeared immediately to the kitchen and served not even ten minutes later tea in the living room where the fire crackled merrily. He bowed deep, his forehead almost touching the floor.

“Can Kreacher do anything else for Miss Rose?” he wheezed.

“No, thank you. We´re fine.” Rose smiled and watched a little worried how Kreacher swayed on the spot, seemingly close to a heart attack out of sheer happiness to have her there, before he finally left.

Rose snuggled into the cushioning of the sofa and closed her eyes. The fire warmed her nicely and the tea in her hands smelled heavenly. She relaxed.

“Careful. Your tea.”

Rose groaned and sat up. Thankfully Remus had been quick, or she´d spilled the hot tea over her legs. He took the cup from her and placed it on the table beside the sofa.

“You´re tired,” Remus stated with the lightest trace of a frown.

“It´s all right. I just shouldn´t close my eyes while holding tea.”

“Don´t worry, I´m here and watch out for you.” Remus smiled.

“Yeah, you do. You always do.” Rose looked at Remus then swiftly bent forward and snatched her tea from behind Remus, quickly leaning back into her side of the sofa.

“I like how this day turned out so far,” Remus said softly.

Rose nodded. It had really been nice and refreshingly not at all awkward after their initial problems had been solved for them.

It knocked softly.

“Am I interrupting anything?” Sirius asked. He had showered and dressed into fresh clothes. He smiled.

“Not at all, we´re discussing your sanity.” Remus winked.

“Oh, so you found something left?” Sirius asked, chuckling. He squeezed in on the sofa behind Remus, forcing him to move closer to Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I looked up what you could do in London on Valentine´s day and stumbled upon "alldogsmatter.co.uk" and their Valentine´s walk. I think it´s a great thing and happily used it as a date for Rose and Remus.


	28. Chapter 28

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

“What are you doing after your classes today?” Sirius asked casually and bent over Rose´s right shoulder to look at her.

It was the morning after Valentine´s day and Rose was, despite the last day had been really nice, still confused, maybe even more than she´d been after her nightly conversation with Sirius.

“I guess you will tell me.”

Sirius raised one eyebrow briefly then grinned. “I´ll await you after you´re done here.”

“And where?” Rose asked with a sinking feeling.

“Remus´ quarters.” He made a tiny pause, adding then, “Our quarters again.”

Rose couldn´t do more than acknowledge this information with a small “ah” before Sirius patted her shoulder and bounced down the corridor, meeting with Remus at the door.

***

“Of course I like spending time with her.” Remus´ voice carried through the closed door. “Everything else would be a lie.”

Rose hesitated, her hand lingering on the handle.

“Then where is the problem?” Sirius asked. It sounded as if they stood across the room, each one at his side.

“This is crazy. You know I want to be with her but I don´t understand what your role in this is. What made you change your mind so completely? Why are you forcing us together like this?”

There was a moment of silence then Remus again, “For the last two months you hated us for what I wanted and you thought we´d have. What changed?”

Deciding now was as good a moment to interrupt as any other, Rose creaked the door open and poked her head around the frame. Both men turned to look at her in surprise. They indeed stood at one side of the room each.

“I´d like to know the same,” she said before anyone could say anything.

Sirius looked from Rose to Remus and then out of the window, clearly hesitating.

“You know,” he said slowly, frowning ever so lightly, “that´s a fabulous question.” He swirled around and clapped his hands together, striding to the door. “Unfortunately I forgot to harass Poppy because of my itching skin…Remind me not to jump into puddles ever again.”

Rose stepped in his way and pushed the door close, leaning against it. She exchanged a brief glance with Remus who now crossed the room as well. He grabbed Sirius´ upper arm and gently turned him around, cupping his cheek with his other hand.

“Please, just answer us.” Remus glanced at Rose then added, “It´s important for me. I need to know if you mean it or if this is just a spur of the moment decision. If you don´t really mean it I wouldn´t risk losing you again.” Again he glanced at Rose.

Sirius shook his head but not in disagreement but in fond exasperation. He smiled.

“Remus, honest, I mean it. I want you and Rose to be happy.” He stepped away from Remus but took his hand in his then took Rose´s hand as well and led them to the sofa, sitting down between them, still holding their hands. “I was jealous at first, there´s no need to deny it, is it?” He grinned crookedly. “But lately I had something like…ah let´s call it an epiphany. I was finally able to see that you have chosen me and you stayed with me even though your feelings for Rose grew steadily. Maybe it was this that helped the most. Realizing that I really can have you even though you love someone else too, that I won´t lose you to her, that she would be an addition to our relationship and no elimination.” He looked down on his hands. Softly he clasped Rose´s and Remus´ hand together and cupped them with his own.

“That sounds perfect. Too perfect to be true.” Remus said.

“I´m serious about it.” Sirius squeezed their hands. “I want you two to be together and us to work out how we can make it work.”

Rose felt as if she couldn´t breathe. The air she tried to inhale got stuck in her throat. She already felt lightheaded.

She jumped up, pulling her hand free and stumbled backwards to the window. She tore it open and held her face into the chill air. Breathing became easier.

Warm hands gently touched her back. She knew who of the men that was, she stiffened, fighting the warmth that always spread inside her when she was close to Remus, when he was touching her.

Remus, feeling Rose´s tension, pulled away.

Surprising everyone in the room including herself, Rose turned and after the shortest pause of hesitation stepped into Remus.

“Just hold me,” she whispered and closed her eyes when Remus embraced her.

***

“Rose, could you spare me a minute?” Remus asked, heading Rose off who was on her way to her Herbology class.

Rose hesitated, exchanging looks with her friends but traitorous as they were they grinned and left her alone with Remus, assuring her they would explain her lateness to Professor Sprout.

“All right,” Rose sighed and followed Remus who led the way, finally bringing her to his office.

“I´d like to know if yesterday changed anything,” he asked immediately after they went inside.

Rose froze. Of course he would ask something like this.

“I don´t know,” Rose answered haltingly. She shuffled her feet.

“Yes,” she said then, looking up, because seriously who was she kidding?

“Yes?” Remus´ voice was guarded but cautiously hopeful.

“Yes,” she repeated. “I thought a lot about it last night and to be honest if I hadn´t feared disturbing you and Sirius I´d come to you right away.”

“Which means?” Remus´ voice had grown even more suspiciously careful. His eyes were big and his breathing quickened while he waited for Rose to explain.

“Sirius´ change of heart seems sudden but what he said sounded really honest and well thought of and when he kidnapped me Friday night everything he said to me then...” Rose glanced at the ceiling as if the answers where hidden there somewhere.

Remus came closer.

Rose inhaled deeply and looked at him.

“Sirius is right. I can´t spend the next decades waiting for Severus. And I also can´t run away from you.” Rose pulled at Remus´ hand. “Sit down there, please.” She pushed him lightly against his desk. When he sat he was almost eyelevel with her, making talking and looking at him much easier. And touching him, too, because now she could stroke his cheek more easily. The faint stubble scratched at her fingertips.

“Everything about this scares me,” she whispered, staring into his eyes as not to miss any of his reactions to her words. “But I love you anyway.”

“Say that again,” Remus whispered breathless.

“I love you and I want to be with you.”

Just as Remus, a big grin of joy on his face, pulled Rose close into his arms and kissed her, a voice, smugness dripping heavily, said from behind them, “That was about damn time!”

Rose jumped and glared at Sirius. “Scare me again like this and I´ll hex you!”

“I´ll try to keep it in mind.” Sirius chuckled. “So are we going to try it then?” he asked conversationally.

“Do we?” Remus asked.

“Yes,” Rose stated firmly, eliciting the next grin from Remus.

“Good, then to my conditions.”

Both Rose and Remus stared at Sirius.

“What? Did you think you could just do as you please?” He quirked one eyebrow. “I don´t think so. We´ll establish some rules and then we´ll wait and see how this works. Rule one: neither of us has the right for inappropriate more time with Remus. Rule two: kissing when the other one is present is allowed as long as it doesn´t get out of hand and is more pre-sex than kissing. Rule three...” Sirius sat down on the desk opposite from Remus, grinning.

***

“He had a list of twenty rules.” Rose shook her head and finally joined her friends in front of the fire in their favourite setting of the Room of Requirements, after having told them everything while pacing back and forth. “And he went on and on what would be allowed and what not. He even suggested a regulation for how often who of us would have sex with Remus.”

At this Ron choked on an éclair, Neville went bright red, Hermione broke out into giggles and the rest stared dumbstruck even though a little awkward at Rose.

“What? You asked me not to leave out anything and I didn´t.” She grinned.

Pansy grimaced. “You know for me that´s enough detail about our Professors and we´ll be for sure more careful with our wishes next time.”

“Are you happy?” Luna asked, looking genuinely curious.

Rose shrugged. “I guess. As long as I don´t go round the twist with Sirius´ rules and call everything off.”

***

***

Rose entered Remus´ quarters and looked around.

“Are we alone?” she asked, listening for running water in the bathroom or the creak of the wardrobe door in the bedroom.

“We are,” Remus said, smiling.

“Oh…” Rose´s gaze still roamed the room. That would be the first time in almost two weeks that they were truly alone.

“We are definitely alone.” Remus crowded her personal space and pulled Rose into his arms, softly kissing her until she threw her arms around his neck.

However, when Remus started to nestle with the buttons of her shirt, she pulled away.

“How long do we have?”

“Don´t worry about Sirius. He has someone in detention, he won´t be back before midnight.”

Rose glanced at the clock. It calmed her that it was only just half past eight.

“You´re not happy with how it turned out so far,” Remus observed.

“It´s not that, it´s more the feeling that he might not be as relaxed with all of this when he actually finds us together. Usually he´s never far away.”

“Is that your only concern?”

Rose nodded.

“So then it´s not Severus who keeps you from sleeping with me?”

“He´s not the one sticking to our backs when I´m here.”

Remus chuckled.

They settled onto the sofa, Rose cuddling against Remus.

“Seriously, we have to find another way. You and Sirius, you have so much time together but you and me…Sirius is almost always there too or just gone for a short time. I don´t want to wonder always when he´s back. I can´t relax when I don´t know how much time we have.”

“He´s expecting us to behave like he does around you.”

“And you think he would be all right with us snogging here on the sofa while he´s sitting over there grading?” Rose asked, sounding more than disbelieving.

“He says so.”

“I´ll think about another solution,” Rose said determinedly.

“Hmmm, do what you want,” Remus said with a purr, pushing her away and moved on top of her. “But don´t do it now and waste our precious time.”

Rose gasped when Remus´ teeth scratched lightly down her throat.

His hands made short work of her jumper, but the rest of the clothes he spelled simply away so that Rose lay within seconds naked under him on the sofa. She wound her legs around his hips and pushed her hands under his shirt to caress his sides.

Remus just started to kiss over her jaw and bent down to her breasts as the door behind them opened.

“Surprise. I´m back,” Sirius called. “You won´t believe what Miss Clark did so she had not to come to detention with me. The stupid girl…” He broke up midsentence, his eyes widening as he took in the scene in front of him.

“Sirius,” Remus growled looking downright murderous.

***

“That´s your plan?” Remus asked. He moved his arm in a big circle around and gazed questioningly at Rose.

“You have a better idea?” Rose huffed and sat down on one of the massive chairs, grouping around an equally massive table. “I don´t want to meet with you in any random classroom and maybe be surprised by Peeves. Can you imagine the talking and his songs and poetry?”

“Ok, but Hagrid´s hut?” Remus looked unhappily down at her. “I´m not sure I can relax here any better than you can with Sirius around.”

Rose groaned defeated. “What then?”

***

Remus glanced around as he sneaked out of the castle and walked fast but without running over the grounds until he reached the greenhouses.

Rose saw him furrow his brows. He glanced at his wristwatch but then his expression cleared when he saw her.

“This is crazy…” Remus whispered and took her hand, pulling her further away from the castle.

“But everyone is at lunch and we´re alone.” Her grin morphed into an intense gaze as they reached the back of greenhouse three.

Remus shook his head but then pulled her flush against him anyway. His mouth collided hot against her from February wind chilled lips. Her hands knotted in his jacket and yanked him even closer. Bodies pressed as close as possible together with Rose´s back against a tree and half hidden from shadows, they melted into each other, tongues and lips merging and hands roaming restlessly over clothes-covered skin.

“I can´t agree with you that this here is better than having Sirius sitting next door,” Remus said against Rose´s neck, baring his teeth against the soft skin of her throat. His hand had slid up under her jumper, now descending to the waistband of her jeans only to stop as just his fingertips had pushed past this barrier. “I don´t want to meet you secretly and in particular I don´t want to cut down everything to only kissing.” His hips surged forward, pronouncing his words with pressing his erection against Rose.

“Who said anything from cutting down?”

With a wicked grin Rose surprised Remus by switching positions and in the same move sunk to her knees, fumbling at his fly.

“No, someone could…”

“Shut up,” Rose said firmly but without venom, if at all there was a grin in her voice as well as in her eyes. She curled her hand inside Remus´ trousers, pulling his straining cock out into the cold air. Remus´ gasp was immediately replaced by a sharp intake of breath as Rose engulfed the tip of his cock with her mouth, swirling her tongue teasingly around it, prodding at the slit and withdrew with an obscene plop. She looked up from her position on the ground, her knees were thankfully cushioned by fallen leaves. Slowly, not breaking eye contact with Remus, she sucked him back into her mouth, deeper this time, fitting as much in as was possible without gagging and covering the rest of his length with one hand.

Remus panted and made the most precious sounds as Rose bobbed her head experimentally. It was exhilarating to do more than kissing and fumbling a little, even if it was somewhere outside on the grounds.

She moved her tongue over the underside of Remus´ erection, tracing the prominent vein there, and let him slide almost completely out before sucking him back in, enjoying the moaned, “Gods…” from Remus.

But then Remus gathered obviously enough reason again. With one hand in her hair he pushed her away. “Don´t…not here. Anyone could see us.”

Rose peered up and slid further around the tree, tugging at Remus to follow her, until Remus´ back pointed towards the castle and they stood half-buried in a nearby, ivy-clad bush.

“Better?” Innocently Rose looked up to him from under her eyelashes. With her thumb she rubbed just below the swollen head of his erection.

Remus groaned and then moaned through clenched teeth, his head falling back against the rough bark of the tree supporting him.

“Just let me take care of you.” Rose´s breath ghosted over his skin just before she sucked his lengths into her mouth again. Remus´ hand stayed all the time in her hair, but he didn´t push her away again.

He flexed and curled his fingers on her scalp, scraping over it.

Rose heard his struggle to keep quiet. A glance upwards showed that Remus had his eyes tightly scrunched close and bit his lips hard enough to break the skin. He groaned and his hips bucked slightly as Rose tugged at his trouser and slid them far enough down so she could cup his balls. Remus´ grip in her hair tightened. His efforts to silence himself failed finally as he moaned with every other ragged breath.

Rose hollowed her cheeks, sucked more eagerly and faster. And then Remus´ hips jerked and without more than a throaty, groaned, “Don´t stop,” for a warning, he spurted his release in Rose´s mouth.

Caught off guard, Rose swallowed a little, but most of the white stuff landed on her chin and cheek as she jerked away. Not overly happy with that outcome, Rose wiped over her face and licked her lips, tasting again the salty bitterness on her tongue.

A bit stiff from the cold ground, she stood up. Her knees were wet and dirty and the sperm on her face dried with an unwelcome tingling sensation.

Remus still leant heavily against the tree but recovered quickly as he looked at Rose. He let his wand flick over her and cleaned her face as well as her jeans, then, after tucking himself away, he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her slowly and with utmost gentleness.

“I´ll have a word with Sirius. We won´t hide anymore. The next time I´m alone with you I want to be able to undress you and cover you in kisses and listen to your unrestrained moans when you slowly come undone in my arms.”

Remus´ words brushed in a whisper over Rose. She shuddered in anticipation and lifted her face towards Remus again when she saw movement out of the corner of her eyes. Her head snapped around.

“What?” Remus asked alarmed.

“There is someone,” Rose replied. She stared in the direction of the greenhouses, straining to see who it was. But when she saw no one she shook her head dismissively. “Maybe just a bird.”

***

It turned out it hadn´t been a bird after all when the post arrived the next day and Hermione almost choked on her breakfast when she unfolded the Daily Prophet.

_Hogwarts going down south,_ read the headline.

Rose froze and stared at the picture bellow, showing Rose and Remus in the woods behind the greenhouses with Rose on her knees, peering up at Remus with her hand on his fly.

“So that´s what you´re doing when you won´t come with us for lunch,” Draco said lightly and giggled not very manly, but Rose ignored him when she noticed how silent it had become all around her.

“Is that a thing now, sleeping with Professors? Or is it just your thing?” Seamus looked at her with a distinctive mischievous glitter in his eyes.

Panic spread like wildfire in her guts when she saw the students around her crane their necks to have a better look at her.

Her gaze wandered to the Head Table and her eyes met with Remus´ who was pale and sat very still. Sirius leant close to him, whispering.

“I´m going to be sick,” Rose muttered and hurried out of the Great Hall.

To her surprise she found Elise waiting outside the toilet stall when she opened the door.

“I´m sorry.”

Rose paused on her way to the sink and turned, staring rather puzzled at Elise.

“What for?”

“The photo…Look…It was me you noticed, not a bird.”

“You? And you think it´s funny to…” Rose spat furiously but was interrupted by Elise.

“No. It´s not like that. I take photos in my free time. I actually tried to get a snapshot of a squirrel when I saw you and Remus. I just wanted to freeze the moment. It was so raw and…and beautiful.” Elise was flushed bright red and fidgeted with her hands.

“Oh and then you stayed and watched us the whole time, taking more pictures because it was such a beautiful sight and when you were back at home you decided to let everyone see your art.”

“No.” Elise shook her head. “I went back to my office and left the photos and the camera there in my desk, but this morning my photos were gone, all of them.”

Rose took a laboured breath, trying desperately not to hex the woman standing I front of her.

“You´re telling me, that this all is an unfortunate coincidence and someone stole those pictures and sent them to the Daily Prophet?”

“It is. Please believe me. I would never do this.”

“This, Misses Driscoll, remains to be seen,” Dumbledore said from within the doorway.


	29. Chapter 29

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>

It turned out that Dumbledore believed Elise concerning the disappearance of her photos and that she wasn´t responsible for sending this one picture to the newspaper. Nonetheless Rose made the decision to stop meeting with the Healer for therapy sessions. How could she trust someone who took such photos from patients, or anyone in general, and obviously spied on them?

To everyone´s surprise, Sirius seemed not to bother too much because of the photos. Actually, he was, rather amused by them and how embarrassed Rose and Remus were, teasing them whenever he could. Somehow Rose was relieved however. She had feared at first that Sirius would change his mind again, regarding herself and Remus.

“Why are you sneaking away anyway?” Sirius asked and hid his grin, not that sufficiently though, behind his cup of tea.

“Because,” Rose exclaimed, “we are never alone. You´re always either a few steps away or you´re about to come back. We can´t even get anything started because you would walk in on us for sure.” She huffed with an exasperated expression.

“So my presence bothers you.” Sirius quirked his eyebrows and hummed in acknowledgement.

“It´s not at all like you want to understand,” Remus threw in. “All Rose wanted to say was that we need time for us exclusively when it should be as fair as you originally intended it to be with all of your rules.”

“You don´t like them, do you?”

“They aren´t to realise. Not in their entirety,” Rose said.

“And…what if I stay a few times a week overnight at Grimmauld Place?” Sirius asked. “Then you would have those evenings and nights for yourself.”

Remus nodded along, seemingly satisfied with this suggestion.

“And how often?” Rose asked. Somehow she wasn´t too convinced, adding, “Look, it´s not that I want to appear to be generally against your ideas, but I don´t feel good with this one. I mean, I don´t like all those rules. When I want to spend time with Remus alone then that´s not to a particular time. That´s nothing I can control and I guess it isn´t different for you.”

Remus nodded again, obviously agreeing with Rose to some extend but not completely because he said, “But there´s no other way. Either we set certain times for us or it can´t work. We need to have some kind of schedule.”

“It would be different if…” Sirius stopped, looking with a frown at Rose and then shook his head. “Forget that.”

“If what?” Rose asked anyway.

Sirius sighed. “If you and I were involved too,” he said quietly. Obviously uncomfortable with this thought he stood up, not looking at Rose or Remus. “It´s bullshit, but you wanted to know.”

“Sounds perfect for me,” Remus said. He smiled almost shyly.

“No way!” Rose cried out and looked somewhat horrified.

“Calm down.” Sirius lifted his hands in defence. “It was no suggestion, just a fleeting thought and a bloody stupid one as well.”

“One I would like though.”

Both Rose and Sirius stared at Remus.

“What? For me it would be the most fantastic outcome. The two people I love the most being together as well and not shy around each other.” He shrugged a little apologetically his shoulders. “We wouldn´t have our current problems and besides I could wake up next to both of you and…yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Whatever. I know it will never come true but it´s something I already spent a lot of time dreaming about.”

Rose looked away. “Back to the problem at hand,” she said quickly.

“There´s indeed no other way. We need certain set times. I would say we try how it works when we swap every other day. So maybe we start today and I´ll leave. Then it´s me tomorrow, you on Thursday, me on Friday and so on.” Sirius gazed expectantly at Rose, waiting for her opinion.

“Well…I can´t say it doesn´t work when we don´t give it a try.”

“What about full moon nights?” Remus asked, peering out of the window to the almost completely round moon. “Or,” he added with a smile, “my birthday?”

“Even if I´d love to, I can´t spend full moon nights with you,” Rose said, pursing her lips.

“And your birthday is usually nothing we celebrate the whole night. We´re not as young anymore as we used to be.” Sirius winked.

The three of them looked at each other.

“Is this set now?” Rose asked, standing up. “If so then I´m back after I spoke to Elise. I still have to let her know that I won´t come back for therapy sessions.” Rose twisted her face unhappily. She was not too eager to talk to Elise, not at the moment however.

***

Rose knocked and opened the door almost immediately. There had never been anyone directly before her so she simply assumed it was just like that again. However, when the door gaped open she heard Elise talk to someone.

Maybe Rose would have closed the door again and had waited a few minutes before knocking a second time but Elise shouted her current reply and this unusual behaviour made Rose stay and only pull the door almost close again, peering through the tiny gap.

“No! I won´t calm down!”

“Aw, Lizzy, come on. Stop being angry with me,” a male voice from inside the fireplace pleaded.

Rose only now recognised that Elise talked to someone over the Floo network. She wondered who it was. The voice seemed somehow familiar but she couldn´t place it.

“You´re an idiot! An idiot who almost got me sacked. Can you even grasp what that would mean for you? For Merlin´s sake! I will be angry with you as long as I deem it reasonable.” Elise stamped her foot on the floor and then, making Rose choke on a giggle she quickly tried to silence, kicked into the ashes.

Rose heard indignant spluttering sounds.

“Stop that!” the voice from the fireplace hissed and coughed a little more. “Come on, I know you think it´s funny.”

“It is **not** funny!” Elise sighed deeply and flopped into a chair she had dragged over to the flames. “Honestly, Beanie, please stop such nonsense. You only make everything more difficult.”

“Will you someday stop calling me that? I´m a grown-up, maybe you noticed,” the voice grumbled.

“Then behave like one.” Elise bent forward, disappearing behind the backrest of the armchair. “Thankfully the only harm done is that Rose is angry with me, but that is both understandable and not too worrisome.”

“Rose…Yeah, sorry for that.”

“If you only would be sorry. Just once.” Elise seemed to get angry again.

“I am. And I know I need to thank you for keeping me out of it.”

“Do you?” Elise snapped. Rose heard her groan then say a lot calmer, “I just hope you learned something. This was a close call for you and believe me father and I didn´t put that much effort into putting you where you are so you can trifle with it.”

There was a mumbled reply, though Rose couldn´t hear it. Anyway she quickly scrambled back and took a deep breath. Elise knew and protected the one who had stolen the photos.

***

“Thank you for informing me,” Dumbledore said and looked tiredly over the rim of his spectacles.

Rose had told him what she´d heard in Elise´s office but felt not at all mollified.

“What will you do next?”

“I will have a conversation with Misses Driscoll again but I can´t force her to tell me who she is protecting.”

Rose had the certain feeling Dumbledore knew more than he let her know, what wouldn´t surprise her at all. Why was he never letting her in on anything?

“You can´t? And here I thought especially you could make her talk.” Rose took a deep breath, shaking her head. “Why don´t you tell me who´s really behind this all?”

Dumbledore shook his head, gazing slightly apologetic at Rose.

“So what? You´ll ignore the fact she knows something and she just keeps working here and everything is shiny?” Rose asked. She felt as much disappointed by the old man´s silence as she hadn´t in a long time and it ate away on her that he felt the obvious need to act like this with her.

“I have no reason to fire her when everything I know is based on assumptions so far, even when they are my own.”

“You should fire her just for taking those photos.”

A dense silence descended on the room. Rose slouched pouting on the chair in front of Dumbledore´s desk, gazing every now and then with a petulant huff at the Headmaster.

“Rose, dear, Misses Driscoll does a competent job and I see her as a valuable addition to this school. I understand your wish not to cross her path again but that is within your responsibility. I do not plan to rob the other students of their opportunity to consult Misses Driscoll and seek out her advice and expertise.”

Rose straightened and opened her mouth but closed it again before saying anything. She might not like it but Dumbledore was right. Only because she was in a huff about Elise shouldn´t mean no one else should be able to see her.

Rose nodded. “I understand.”

“I will give my very best to find out who is responsible.”

“Thank you.” Rose smiled at Dumbledore and noticed relieved that he reciprocated the smile, his eyes twinkling almost like they had in the past.

***

Carefully Rose tiptoed into the living room, invisibility cloak tight around herself, but ready to reveal herself and show off her new underwear, the only thing she was wearing under the cloak. She hoped she had waited long enough and Sirius was gone already. But then, actually she was far too late already so it should be safe.

Trying to be quiet Rose was too concentrated on herself to forge the connection between the noises she´d already heard when she´d entered Remus´ office and the scene in front of her right away. But then she froze.

Sirius knelt on the rug in front of the fire, arms resting on the floor and head bowed deep between them. Remus behind him, hips moving erratically back and forth. Their clothes were strewn all over the room.

Rose bit her lip and swallowed thickly. She knew she shouldn´t take advantage of her invisibility and watch them. She should tactfully turn around and leave. But still she was incapable to invert her gaze or stop her blood from rushing forcefully through her veins and carry a wave of unexpected arousal to each cell of her body.

Sirius groaned lowly. His whole body tensed and then relaxed in small shudders.

Rose guessed she must have made a sound then, even though she couldn´t remember consciously, but Sirius´ head snapped up shortly before he pushed himself up onto his hands, gaze searching the still empty air.

Remus moaned when Sirius changed his position and pulled him up completely, wrapping his arms around Sirius´ waist.

“Fuck,” he growled and then stilled.

Rose stared wide-eyed at the men. Sirius, with his mussed hair, flushed face and cum splattered chest, some of the semen slipping downwards and stopping only when it reached the coarse hair below his navel, looking positively well-shagged and Remus all breathless and wearing the softest of expressions.

“What?” Remus asked when Sirius didn´t give in to his attempts of kissing and instead turned his head away.

But Sirius didn’t answer him, awareness shining in his eyes.

“Rose, is that you?” he asked into the silence of the room.

Rose hesitated but finally lifted the hood of her cloak and revealed her deep red face.

Sirius groaned and scrambled to stand up, fishing for the closest item to cover himself, a blanket from the sofa.

“I´m so sorry,” Rose mumbled, muffled because she´d clapped her hands over her face, hiding.

She heard movement and then rustling of clothes. Seconds later someone touched her shoulder. She peered up, meeting Remus´ amused twinkling eyes.

“Good you didn´t run,” he said and stole a brief kiss.

“I reckon she saw enough,” Sirius grumbled and disappeared into the bedroom, but came back within seconds, now wearing a bathrobe.

“I didn´t mean to spy.” Rose glanced at Sirius but looked away quickly. She feared it would take some time to erase those pictures from him from her mind. “Don´t be angry.”

Sirius looked blankly then grinned suddenly. “I would be angry if you had really interrupted us.” However, his grin turned into a questioning look when everything Rose showed of herself still was only her head. “What are you hiding under there?” he asked teasingly and quickly pulled at the cloak. Of course he managed to pull it away, leaving Rose standing in only a touch of black silk and lace.

“Pretty,” Remus said. He looked her up and down, smiling with obvious anticipation of undressing Rose rather sooner than later even if only from this smallest hint of clothing.

Sirius meanwhile gazed at the ground, studiously not looking back up at Rose. “I guess I should disappear and leave you to whatever you want to do with the rest of this evening,” he mumbled, already shuffling away and into the bedroom.

***

Rose woke up the next morning to soft lips nibbling at her neck and a searching hand stroking over her thigh.

She smiled and turned around.

“Happy birthday.”

Remus grinned. He looked so much younger when he did, despite his greying hair which seemed even greyer than usual so soon after the last full moon.

“Thank you. That reminds me…”

To Rose´s surprise he stood up and opened his wardrobe, rummaging in it and murmuring to himself until he finally turned, expression triumphant.

“This is for you,” he said and placed a small box in Rose´s hands.

“I think we need to talk about the concept of birthdays again. I´m not sure you understood the part with presents right,” Rose said grinning, but curiously looked inside the little box.

Remus sat next to her on the bed, watching her unfold the cotton inlay until she glimpsed what was hidden underneath.

“For me?” Rose asked and carefully touched the jewellery. It was a delicate gold band on whose top perched a shiny, cream white pearl.

“Do you remember our conversation when you asked me what I would do instead of leaving you covered in love bites?”

Rose immediately smiled and nodded. “You said you would buy me a necklace.”

“This ring belonged to my mother, it was her wedding ring.” Remus smiled hesitantly, waiting clearly nervous for Rose to say anything.

“It´s beautiful, but...”

“No. Please, I´d love to see it on you. And you don´t have to wear it on your finger.” He withdrew an equally delicate gold chain from the box, holding it up.

“I don´t know what to say. This is…” Rose shook her head, face scrunched up into a frown.

Remus swallowed. He looked almost contrite.

“It´s truly beautiful,” she said eventually, turning the ring between her fingers and finally slipped it on her ring finger. A broad smile lightened her features when she wrapped her arms around Remus´ neck. “Thank you,” she whispered at his lips.

“Enough of this touchy-feely-talk,” Sirius interrupted and effectively stopped their kiss from going anywhere else. “My turn now.” Unceremoniously and absolutely not conscience-stricken for intruding, Sirius jumped on the bed, stepped over Rose and pulled Remus into his arms, letting only go of him when Rose slapped Sirius´ arm.

Sirius flashed Rose an impish grin.

“Happy birthday, love,” he said then to Remus who tried to readjust the blanket over his lap without drawing too much attention to it.

“Don´t bother. I´m sure we´ve all seen and touched enough of it already.” Sirius´ grin widened immensely.

Rose couldn´t help but laugh when Remus blushed deeply and then quickly left for the bathroom.

Sirius settled more comfortable into the bed with his legs crossed at the ankles and one arm behind his head. He looked at Rose, smiling.

“It suits you,” he said, gently taking her hand. He rubbed his thumb over the pearl.

Only now Rose finally acknowledged that she was completely naked. She shot Sirius a wary look and dived under the blanket.

“Suddenly shy?”

“That´s not about shyness,” she retorted a bit angrily from under the blanket.

“Ok.” Sirius sounded far too conversational for Rose´s liking. “Here,” he added, promptly pulling the blanket away.

Rose scowled but accepted the shirt he was offering, one of his own she noticed after she´d slipped inside. Even though it was washed it still smelled faintly like Sirius.

“Are we ok?”

Rose perked up, gazing at Sirius.

“Should we not?”

Sirius shrugged. “Just asking. Is all new, isn´t it?”

Rose reclined next to her godfather, thinking for a moment about a fitting answer. Strangely enough she felt good with how it was. Over the last week they had found out that switching evenings worked good for them and contributed mostly to everyone´s happiness. And even right now it didn´t feel odd but somehow natural. The awkward moments of the evening before were something she pretended all too readily not to remember.

“I think we´re on the right way.” She turned her head, peering up.

Sirius looked back. Then suddenly he grinned and threw one arm over her shoulder, tugging her close into his side.  

***

“Shut up Moony and try the Kiwano,” Sirius said and reached for said fruit.

Remus eyed the yellow, spiked fruit filled with green seeds dubiously.

“It´s…interesting,” Rose said and frowned. “But I can´t place the taste.”

It was late afternoon and all three of them were done with their classes. Sirius and Rose had created in close cooperation with Dobby a “Fruit-Food-Festival” instead of a birthday party. They currently lounged on blankets and pillows on the floor in front of the fire and tried the exotic fruits assembled around them. More than enough fruits neither of them had heard of before.  

Rose had her head propped up against Sirius´ thigh and studied Remus. She glanced at Sirius and both smirked, watching then how Remus slowly spooned something from the fruit into his mouth and chewed with a deep frown.

“Not too bad, fresh and…” He looked up when it knocked.

Moments later a small group of teachers followed Remus into the living room.

Rose shot upright and straightened, feeling the curious imploring gazes from too many of her teachers. Thankfully Charlie and Oliver had brought Teddy with them who stormed with an outcry towards Rose, little arms lifted and jumped directly into her arms.

“Remus, is it inconvenient?” McGonagall asked and looked with a slight frown from Remus to Sirius and then to Rose.

“No, no absolutely not. Please, take a seat. Can I offer you a drink?”

***

The evening crawled by and Rose was all the time awkwardly conscious of the glances she received. Not even playing with Teddy distracted her enough not to notice. But where McGonagall and Flitwick tried to be subtle, there was Sprout and grinned knowingly with every look she cast towards Remus, Sirius or Rose. Though, maybe the worst, Rose hadn´t even known Remus and she were closer than others, was Professor Sinistra. The dark-haired witch stared blatantly obvious mostly at Rose, with her eyes narrowed and her lips lightly pursed, she looked all over slightly miffed.

“Would you please stop staring?” Rose asked finally more than a little peevish and didn´t mean only Professor Sinistra. She huffed soundly and left Teddy playing with a floating ball. She crossed her arms and looked out of the window, though of course it was too dark and she could only see her own reflection and bits of the room behind her.

Gently someone stroked over her arms and pulled her lightly back until she leant against him.

“Don´t be angry. Can you really blame them for being curious?”

Rose groaned and turned, looking now directly at Oliver.

“It´s unusual and given how close you all seem. We know that they´re together again and that you and Remus are still involved somehow. Of course it´s raising questions.”

“Sirius and I are not together!” Rose snapped, drawing the attention of the whole room towards her. She saw Remus and Sirius exchange a look and Sirius blushed in the faintest shade of pink.

“A shame,” Sprout said cheerfully, “You would make a cute couple.”

“They certainly would,” Remus said, smiling ever so lightly. “But they aren´t and I implore you not to prod any further. I´m aware that you´re curious as how this all works, but please, this is private and I don´t want to have anyone poking into it more than necessary. What I can and want to say is that we found a solution that is satisfactory for all of us and we´re happy.” His eyes strayed to Rose who gazed back, suppressing a frown. She knew only too well that Remus wanted her and Sirius be closer than they were, the topic had surfaced again over the last week, but both she and Sirius had quickly stopped Remus from dwelling too much in those dreams.

“Just to clarify, you´re not in a threesome relationship?” Professor Sinistra asked seemingly without being bothered too much with Remus´ wish not to go into it.

“Aurora,” Remus sighed but was interrupted by Sirius.

“It´s me and Remus and it´s Rose and Remus, not Rose and me. Clear enough?”

“Well, thank you.” Sinistra smiled and turned to talk to Professor McGonagall who raised for a brief moment her eyebrows at Sirius but then nodded and focused her attention on her colleague.

“Come here,” Remus said, pulling Rose into his arms. “Of course they want to know.”

Rose grumbled a little under her breath then looked up. “How come I had no idea that you and Sinistra are close enough for her to come here to celebrate your birthday with you?”

Remus blushed. “We´re not close…we talk sometimes.”

Rose frowned. “You had a crush on her,” she concluded then, feeling confirmed already through Remus´ guilty expression.

“He had a huge crush on her,” Sirius chimed in, whispering directly into Rose´s ear. His hands rested on her shoulders.

Rose peered behind her and up in Sirius´ eyes, seeing more explanation in them than in his words.

“You and Sinistra?” she asked Remus, voice dropping even further so as not to get overheard.

Remus groaned. “Ok, I´ll tell you, maybe not now, though.”

“Of course now. I´m dying to know.”

Remus clicked his tongue but eventually steered Rose out of the room, leaving Sirius to tend to the guests.

“It was when I taught here the first time,” Remus jumped right into the explanation, dropping onto the bed. “We had some nice conversations at first mostly during meals, then we met for a more private talk in her quarters and it developed from there.”

“Wait a second.” Rose leant against the closed door, gazing at Remus in light disbelief. “You and Sinistra that was more than a crush.”

Remus sighed.

“Aurora and I were together for most of the year I taught here.” He stood up and crossed the room, cupping Rose´s face between his hands when he stood in front of her. “We broke up in mutual agreement. There´s nothing left between us that needs solving.”

“And why did she appear to be so bothered?”

“Go and ask her. All I can tell you is that since I´m back Aurora and I only have a professional relationship. It doesn´t extend to more than sitting next to each other during staff meetings sometimes.”

Rose huffed, pursing her lips.

“You don´t have to be jealous.” Remus smiled and bent down to capture Rose´s lips in a sweet kiss.

***

Remus looked around and couldn´t help but nudge Sirius, grinning and nodding towards the fireplace. There on the rug lay Rose, arms curled around Teddy. The little boy had fallen asleep some time ago but now Rose had followed suit, sleeping with her face pressed into Teddy´s hair.

“Aren´t they sweet?” Charlie asked and went to lift his little son into his arms, smiling as Rose grumbled a protest in her sleep.

“Thank you for coming,” Remus said. He followed his guests to the door. Gazing back over his shoulder he watched Sirius pick Rose up, carrying her through the room.

Sirius, noticing his look, tilted his head. “Can´t let her sleep the whole night on the floor, can I?”

“Of course not,” Remus replied and watched with a spreading smile how Sirius proceeded into the bedroom.

When Remus came into the bedroom as well only five minutes later, Rose lay wrapped into Sirius´ arms, both seemingly asleep.

He smiled and watched them for some time. Rose breathed calmly, her head rested on Sirius´ chest.

“Stop staring and come here,” Sirius whispered hoarsely and without opening his eyes.

Quickly Remus climbed under the blankets too. He scurried as close as possible, curling his arm over Rose and around Sirius´ waist.

He stroked Sirius´ back and pressed a soft kiss on Rose´s head.

Sirius opened one eye, peering over Rose´s head at Remus. A lazy grin twisted his lips.

“Not that you get too used to this,” he said, smirking.

“Pity,” Remus replied, tightening his arm around his loved ones.

“Shut up you silly men,” Rose mumbled. “This is just a sleepover and nothing more...” her voice trailed off when she went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well my dears that was this part then.  
> I´m a little stuck in a creator´s hole at the moment. But part seven will be the last part in this installment but I´m absolutely not sure when you will get to read it. There are so many holes in it still and I don´t know how to fill them. Be patient with me.
> 
> Thank you for all of you reading this story and staying with me! I love you :)


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